Tricks is good.
I got woken up by the gas man playing about with my pipes again this morning. So I'm just mooching about listening to them shout abuse at each other.

How are you lovely?
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:04, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well we all need our pipes seeing to now and again, and other Carry-On-isms
I'm absolutely shattered, but happy.
I was helping my aunty with her newborn son as she had a bad birth and is a bit fucked. I am doing it again this evening. It's knackering but he's fucking boss so I don't mind.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I'm regularly amazed by newborns.
Their tiny eyes and ears, their little fingers, the gurgling noises they make, and that horrendous black stuff they pump into their nappies.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:08, Reply)

His face is so expressive already.
I've never met one quite like him.
Yesterday he gave me a full-on Frankie Howerd look just because he woke up and realised he'd been moved from his mothers arms to mine while he'd been asleep. "Ooooh, who's this then!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Good good.
It's amazing how such little things can be so time consuming and use up so much energy. I like them much more when they start being able to ask questions though.
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I like them in a few weeks when they're a little more sturdy
But he's ok to handle. Like a little beanbag.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

do you not worry you'll break him?
I can't handle newborns, or any baby really, because I worry that their necks will snap or something and it'll be all my fault.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Well if you have em under the arms their heads are generally ok
but you can make prongs behind their head with your fingers if you're not sure.
Just treat them like beanbags you don't want to flop.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

ok but when I'm arrested for playing keep ups with the beanbaby I'm blaming you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:19, Reply)

oh God what have I done...
EDIT: a good way to hold them is over your shoulder.
They like being up there, you look confident, and their head has nowhere to flop to.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

doesn't that result in vomit all down your back?
ooh what if I accidentally put it too high up and it vaults right over the other side?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Practice with beanbags first.
For the love of God, please, think of the babies!
They will get vomit on you no matter what way you hold them. Especially if it's a stealth one.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Stealth vomit
nice.

I think I will need to take some kind of baby class before I have one. Although the benefits seem plentiful, I'm having to do all the office manager's work today because she's gone home for the second day in a row because her baby has a cold.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

There are benefits
But you can't just go "Hey, let's go out tonight!" or "Hmmm, I think I'll sleep from midnight until noon tomorrow..." or "Ooh, I fancy Paris. This weekend."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

True, I'm just bitter about all the benefits new mums seem to get at work
I know that taking care of a baby is really hard work, but sometimes it seems like we non-breeders get punished for it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You see
I think it would be criminal to leave an animal dying or ill or in pain. So if my tigger is ill, I can't just leave him. Nobody would. But this would get me into trouble with work.
If it's a HUMAN baby, oh it's fine. Who would even walk past a sick animal though? That's what I don't like.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)

That's true
they don't make any noise when they vom. Sometimes you don't notice it until much later and you're on a bus or whatever and you think "Where's that smell of sick coming from? Oh, it's me!"
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

right I'm never holding a baby
I'm going to get a Swedish au pair.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Wiggy will love you forever!

(Kip, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

When I was having my windows replaced
I was reading in the spare room and the builders obviously didn't realise I was in earshot because one of them shouted down to his mate "why are girls' bedrooms always so untidy?". I was well pissed off, it was untidy because I'd had to move everything away from the window so they could fucking replace it.

I didn't make them tea again after that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

We had workmen who went INTO MY CUPBOARD
and used my special Tigger mug, then LEFT IT BALANCED ON THE RADIATOR ALL DIRTY.
^ I shouted like this when telling my landlady.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

That is despicable.
The last workmen in my flat saw my Cowifornication glass, which has cartoon cows in various sexual positions (don't ask) and they looked at me weird after that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I had a plumber who wrote 'Crusty mingepack' on my fridge using my magnetic letters
I approved.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)

You have the best plumber eveh!

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:23, Reply)

He looked like Zoe Tate

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Are you sure it wasn't Zoe Tate?
She hasn't been on the telly for ages so she might be doing a normal job now.
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Nah this was when she was on the telly
He did have a Landrover though...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

hahahaha
that made me smile
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:23, Reply)