All this FHM thievery business.
Somebody should do something.
Surely somebody on B3ta is capable of sabotaging their website or getting this publicised to make a holy show of them.
It's jolly bad form.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 9:56, 82 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

i am certainly tempted to sign a copy
and post it to the bedsh1tter so he can see his fame in print.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I want something punitive
or at least to make a laughing stock of their shitness.
EDIT: Shitness. Ha.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:03, Reply)

yeah I want them to be punished as well
Nuts puts in tiny print on their 'funny pictures' bit _{"with thanks to b3ta.com} but that's it, they should be paying for it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:10, Reply)

RAAARRRRRRGH!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:13, Reply)

ALL ABOARD THE VENGEANCE BUS!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I'm aboard
but I'm at the back pretending to check the safety door
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:16, Reply)

always the naughty ones on the back row, tut tut

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

The Vengeance Bus is coming!
And everybody's jumping!
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:17, Reply)

hahaha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

*bops*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I like this a lot.
Excellent...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

We should fart in their general direction

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I don't really have anything to say about this.
I just wanted to say hello as I'm actually about in the morning for a change.
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Hiya you!
How's tricks?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Tricks is good.
I got woken up by the gas man playing about with my pipes again this morning. So I'm just mooching about listening to them shout abuse at each other.

How are you lovely?
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Well we all need our pipes seeing to now and again, and other Carry-On-isms
I'm absolutely shattered, but happy.
I was helping my aunty with her newborn son as she had a bad birth and is a bit fucked. I am doing it again this evening. It's knackering but he's fucking boss so I don't mind.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I'm regularly amazed by newborns.
Their tiny eyes and ears, their little fingers, the gurgling noises they make, and that horrendous black stuff they pump into their nappies.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:08, Reply)

His face is so expressive already.
I've never met one quite like him.
Yesterday he gave me a full-on Frankie Howerd look just because he woke up and realised he'd been moved from his mothers arms to mine while he'd been asleep. "Ooooh, who's this then!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Good good.
It's amazing how such little things can be so time consuming and use up so much energy. I like them much more when they start being able to ask questions though.
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I like them in a few weeks when they're a little more sturdy
But he's ok to handle. Like a little beanbag.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

do you not worry you'll break him?
I can't handle newborns, or any baby really, because I worry that their necks will snap or something and it'll be all my fault.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Well if you have em under the arms their heads are generally ok
but you can make prongs behind their head with your fingers if you're not sure.
Just treat them like beanbags you don't want to flop.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

ok but when I'm arrested for playing keep ups with the beanbaby I'm blaming you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:19, Reply)

oh God what have I done...
EDIT: a good way to hold them is over your shoulder.
They like being up there, you look confident, and their head has nowhere to flop to.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

doesn't that result in vomit all down your back?
ooh what if I accidentally put it too high up and it vaults right over the other side?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Practice with beanbags first.
For the love of God, please, think of the babies!
They will get vomit on you no matter what way you hold them. Especially if it's a stealth one.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Stealth vomit
nice.

I think I will need to take some kind of baby class before I have one. Although the benefits seem plentiful, I'm having to do all the office manager's work today because she's gone home for the second day in a row because her baby has a cold.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

There are benefits
But you can't just go "Hey, let's go out tonight!" or "Hmmm, I think I'll sleep from midnight until noon tomorrow..." or "Ooh, I fancy Paris. This weekend."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

True, I'm just bitter about all the benefits new mums seem to get at work
I know that taking care of a baby is really hard work, but sometimes it seems like we non-breeders get punished for it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You see
I think it would be criminal to leave an animal dying or ill or in pain. So if my tigger is ill, I can't just leave him. Nobody would. But this would get me into trouble with work.
If it's a HUMAN baby, oh it's fine. Who would even walk past a sick animal though? That's what I don't like.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)

That's true
they don't make any noise when they vom. Sometimes you don't notice it until much later and you're on a bus or whatever and you think "Where's that smell of sick coming from? Oh, it's me!"
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

right I'm never holding a baby
I'm going to get a Swedish au pair.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Wiggy will love you forever!

(Kip, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

When I was having my windows replaced
I was reading in the spare room and the builders obviously didn't realise I was in earshot because one of them shouted down to his mate "why are girls' bedrooms always so untidy?". I was well pissed off, it was untidy because I'd had to move everything away from the window so they could fucking replace it.

I didn't make them tea again after that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

We had workmen who went INTO MY CUPBOARD
and used my special Tigger mug, then LEFT IT BALANCED ON THE RADIATOR ALL DIRTY.
^ I shouted like this when telling my landlady.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

That is despicable.
The last workmen in my flat saw my Cowifornication glass, which has cartoon cows in various sexual positions (don't ask) and they looked at me weird after that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I had a plumber who wrote 'Crusty mingepack' on my fridge using my magnetic letters
I approved.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)

You have the best plumber eveh!

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:23, Reply)

He looked like Zoe Tate

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Are you sure it wasn't Zoe Tate?
She hasn't been on the telly for ages so she might be doing a normal job now.
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Nah this was when she was on the telly
He did have a Landrover though...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

hahahaha
that made me smile
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I'm totally gonna fuzz your beard on Friday.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I'm totally going to rub my face against yours on Friday.
Loads.
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I'm totally going to say hello

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

'Lusty!
How's the world of having your pipes rattled?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:09, Reply)

It's grand.
The lack of sleep is somewhat bothersome though as I've got a bit of a crazy shift pattern this week...All in the name of bash fun!
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Damn you all and your bash fun
Are you working nights or something?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I'm working nights and day shifts this week,
:(
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:19, Reply)

We'll make it up to you on Friday : )

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Just write a letter to the editor,
some poor overworked junior writer will be fired for it.
WHAT AN EPIC VICTORY
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Cheeky arrogant too-much-hair-product-popped-collar cunt needs firing!
Cheeky bastard.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:19, Reply)

You've just made me visualise him
and now I hate him and think he deserves everything he gets.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

He should do his fucking job properly
lazy bastard.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)

He thinks he's better than you.
He thinks he's better than me.
I want to fuck his shit right up.
But I have no energy because my life is too busy and tiring.
I just want someone else to do all the gathering of info and being of eloquent.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Is that a Limerick?
C- Must try harder.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)

i'm tiiiiiired!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)

'fraid I'm with Roota on this one
I realise it would be a small and petty little victory if anything did get done, but they do seem to epitomise and appeal to the popped-collar-over-gelled-hair-pink-shirt cunt, so I just have an innate instinct to hassle them at every opportunity.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:21, Reply)

it's just lazy
and besides they might let me write something for them if my complaint is written well enough, i used to love my secret anonymous legal gossip column and the fanmail that i got!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)

You never replied though.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)

You wouldn't catch Women's Weekly doing this sort of thing.
In other news....I've just done some work. Woo!

I may do some more in a bit.
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

You should send the bedshitter story to Woman's Weekly
see if they print it. At best they might print a tip for getting shit out of your bedsheets and you'll get a fiver for it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Hahahaha
"When some useless old cunt has just shit in my bed..."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I'd move
but I'm too tired
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Move where?

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

move anywhere that requires effort
I was thinking more along the lines of doing something about this FHM thing,
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

To the toilet

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I could probably just about
manage that if I needed to
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)

how are you feeling today?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)

a bit tired
but no hangover. Sorry about last night
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)

WIthout knowing anything about it, it's probably their readers sending in the knicked info, rather than them themselves.
You can't really stop that 'cus you can't check _everywhere_ on the internet. The only thing to do is report it when it happens.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Easy Plagiarism Check #1
Take the first couple of sentences and paste them into Google.

This is a technique which is widely used on student essays to great effect, I suspect it would work for a half-inched qotw answer.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Repost, ta Roota for the subject line.
www.b3ta.com/questions/wishlist/post920142
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Blimey
What are you really angry about?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Right, you're on my list 'n all.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I'll have a word, I know their art editor.
He's an old work friend.

Can someone give me a few examples/dates?

Ta
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I KNEW someone here would be able to do something

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Click my post above, Kip's linked a couple of scans and he'll be able to point you in the right direction.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Yes
Rachelswipe - November 2010 (current issue)

Enzyme - December 2009 (I think, at least that was when I gazzed him about it)
(Kip, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Do you have links
to the original posts?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)

yup:
b3ta.com/questions/itsover/post36181

b3ta.com/questions/evilpranks/post107760

That do?
(Kip, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Cracking, thanks
Will have a bit of a barney...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)