advice please
i'm leaving my job soon and leaving blighty for sunnier climes

one guy is a RIGHT CUNT and has been awful to work with

i want revenge - ive thought of just twatting him but Mrs Spimf would be angry with me.

i dont want to do anything silly with prawns or whatnot - they'll guess it was me and anyway its not fair on the others in the office

how can i 'get' the weasley wee prat?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 20:38, 18 replies)

Tried and true
kiddy porn
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Tue 24 Jun 2008, 20:43, closed)

Laxatives.
Get them in his food or drink.
( girlinthehole, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 20:46, closed)

Linkies.
www.b3ta.com/questions/evilpranks/

Try this qotw.
( girlinthehole, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 20:51, closed)

Put him on gay porn mailing lists.
Get a subscription to the nastiest gay porn mag you can find sent to him at home. Maybe get some sent in to work. Put his name and face on gay dating websites. Give out his cell phone number to Nigerian scammers.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 24 Jun 2008, 20:53, closed)

^^ Or Immodium
either make him shit himself thin, or not shit at all for a good week!

Give him "Truckers Coffee" - the kind with triple caffeine - and watch the palpitations and shaking take effect.

Lace his lemonade with Paraquat maybe not.

Sign him up for a text message service - dating or somesuch.

Evil? Me? Not at all Actually, yes, I am
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 24 Jun 2008, 20:54, closed)

.
Mail him a jobbie?
(chase, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 20:55, closed)

Place an advert in the paper
for his car.

At a knock down price.

Actually, that's not as good as mailing a jobbie.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 21:13, closed)

Get his coffee cup
and curl out a Richard the Third into it. Then fill it with coffee and leave it on his desk.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 24 Jun 2008, 21:19, closed)

revenge
Just tell him straight -
"you are a cunt and a bastard to work with and I find you very unpleasant"

Something along those lines puts him straight. You dont give a toss how he reacts as you are leaving anyway (unless he smacks you one, but then he is looking at a disciplinary) and as you said, shiteing in the kettle is unfair on those you do like.
(dave likes cheese, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 21:20, closed)

yeah
rape him
( the RAND corporation a.k.a. Kevin Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 21:41, closed)

Drain a jar of pickled habanero chilis onto his lap.
Make sure that it soaks in well.

Watch him scream and rip his pants off.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 24 Jun 2008, 21:48, closed)

cheers
your all so kind

ps coffee cup japes are out - he only ever drinks tapwater

warrafakincannnnt!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 22:37, closed)

Two words
Plastic explosives.
(romega Lesbian Licker, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 23:15, closed)

A few
1) Make up a few too-unbelievable-not-to-be-true rumours about him.

2) Depending on your email facilities at work, set up a few delayed-delivery messages to either tell him exactly what you think of him, or perhaps tell your (by then) ex-coworkers.

3) Depending on what the lighting's like, gather all the starting-to-die tubes from around the place and install them above his desk. Nothing more annoying than a flickering fluorescent light.

4) Piss in whatever he drinks his tapwater out of. Then utilise the delayed-delivery email to tell him you did it.

5) Lock his desk drawers and steal the key. If you're feeling really evil, place something incriminating in the drawers before you lock them.

6) Make up a few tart cards with his phone number on.

7) Stick porn to his pinboard, behind whatever's currently on there.
(Photon wasting your time since, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 23:30, closed)

if he's not single...
you can always try creating domestic strife by concocting a story of an affair. simplest way would be to get hold of his wife's/gf's/pet goat's e-mail address, then send her/him/it the details, claiming to be the other party. and sending a picture of ``yourself.'' or summfink like that. or, you could go the phonecall route, assuming he lives with them, and you could get someone to pose as the other party in the affair. of course, you'd have to be really really determined, and this guy would have to be a royal cunt to deserve this. we need details, man.
(i'm 36. does that count as old on b3ta?)
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 0:27, closed)

How do you fancy being really juvenile?

Make a paper sign that says: "Please kick me - I'm a cunt" and put a decent bit of sellotape across the top. Then go up to him with it securely hidden in your hand and say "Look, I know we've not always seen eye to eye, but I'm off, so, let's just let bygones be bygones." or something. Then pat him on the back and say "No hard feelings OK?" before walking off.

He'll know it was you but what do you care?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 11:04, closed)

Being b3ta
Surely you can photoshop some kind of porn and pin it up in opportune places.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 11:06, closed)

Stick a CD
Full of kiddie/animal porn in his work computer.
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 11:11, closed)