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This is a question Advice from Old People

Sometimes, just sometimes, old people say something worth listening to. Ok, so it's like picking the needle out of a whole haystack of mis-remembered war stories, but those gems should be celebrated.

Tell us something worthwhile an old-type person has told you.

Note, we're leaving the definition of old up to you, you smooth-skinned youngsters.

(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 16:16)
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whilst we're quoting other people, a bit of culture:

WHEN I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
‘Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;

Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free.’
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
‘The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
’Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue.’

And I am two-and-twenty,
And oh, ’tis true, ’tis true.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 13:49, 71 replies)
hur hur
you said bosom!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 13:54, closed)
Oh come on now, al.
You've just ruined a perfectly sensible post.

*gives pearls to R'swipes bosom*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 13:58, closed)
Sorry Bert

Sorry R'swipes bosom.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:00, closed)
honestly, boys
is there nothing you can't bring down to your own smutty level?

Tut, tut.

*sniggers anyway*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)
Hi Rachelswipe.
Who knew you were so cultured : )
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)
i tried
but i've still ended up with a pearl necklace...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)
You two...
Stop it! I had to take al to task yesterday regarding his moist milky breasts comment...

*EDIT* that was directed at al and bert, not the lovely BGB and rachelswipe...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:02, closed)
@DG ^
Yes, but I bet at least one of you thoroughly enjoyed it!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:03, closed)
^ *Whistles*
*Looks innocent*

Actually the first bit's a lie - I can't whistle.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:07, closed)
cant wink, its heartbreaking
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:09, closed)
for lowering the tone.

But at least Ms Swipe only got a pearl necklace and not a, errrrr, well whatever the scatological equivalent of a pearl necklace is.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:10, closed)
@ Halfy
I had to read that twice!

I thought you were trying to compete with al and bert.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:10, closed)
@D's G & Halfy
But...but...but... how do people know when you're appreciating their physique in public?



@al a brown necklace mebbe?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:11, closed)
A malteser necklace
if you're particularly skilled and spherical in your output.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:12, closed)
I have seven rabbits, purely for that reason.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:13, closed)
We should all be more like rabbits
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:14, closed)
I have big ears, and regularly poop outdoors, if that helps?

Nyah, what's up Doc?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:15, closed)
Following last week's bash, I now dry-hump their legs as a sign of my appreciation...

Whistling is so 20th century.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:15, closed)
*acts like a rabbit*

*wipes mess off bert*

My girlfriend can't wink.

Hang on......

Trevor is that you?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:16, closed)
Is there nothing more satisfying than crunching those fuckers in your car?

*looks in rear-view mirror*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:16, closed)
D's G
I see, but I'll never understand these new-fangled courtship techniques, I'm far too old-fashioned.

RIGHT, who's up for a bit of fisting?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:16, closed)
I hit
a rabbit the other day.

It made me really sad as it was only a little one.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)
*Waves hand in air eagerly*
Sorry, I thought you said fishing...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)
tortoises are much crunchier...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)
See, I think of myself as a force of Nature when I'm driving.
If I kill something, then I'm putting Darwinism into action.

Tortoises aren't generally on roads in rural Essex...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:20, closed)
@D's G
Yeah, I'm fishing for a fisting.

Want one?

*knuckles up*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:20, closed)
I'm slightly scared now.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:21, closed)
Don't be afraid,
I'll go easy on you.

*up to the elbows*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:22, closed)
Sometimes I worry about you. *furrows brow*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:22, closed)
Well that was an eye opener...
In more ways than one.

*looks for inflateable cushion*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:23, closed)
I'm in a really weird mood. I don't know if I've had too much sugar, or not enough, but I'm bouncing all over the place today.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:23, closed)
you must have looked like James Heriott. Did you pull anything interesting out?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:24, closed)
A rabbit?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:26, closed)
Well the wonderful things about Berts...
Is that your the only one : )
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:26, closed)
I found Shergar, Lord Lucan and the Russian Royal Family's skeletons up there!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:26, closed)
Only one of me, you say?

(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:27, closed)
Nah! your like Tigger.
Bouncing around

but the wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is that your the only one.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:28, closed)
This is true
there may be three of us, but there can be only one.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:30, closed)
i try to give you lot a bit of english culture and look at you!

beyond salvage, every one of you........

thank goodness.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:34, closed)
Oh dear
we appear to have multiple berts. That cannot possibly be a good thing. Surely.

*locks doors and windows*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:34, closed)
Their everywhere.

Beware the Bert epidemic.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:35, closed)
no one can say you didn't try.

Now go and lock the doors and windows before any more berts get in!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:37, closed)
It's alright, calm down
we're all just parts of the same whole.

Pfft. I said hole.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:37, closed)
good lord
what an extraordinary thread
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)
it seems normal to me.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:40, closed)
You gets out what you puts in.

*gets out*
*puts in*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:41, closed)
Who Needs BertAlKaol
When you've got BertBertBert?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:41, closed)
*gets involved in a four way Berty shag-fest*

(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:41, closed)
Well, for what it's worth
I liked the poem quite a bit.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:41, closed)
gimme a B
gimme an E
gimme an R
gimme a T

now run like hell before he splits his personality again
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:42, closed)
so did I, it actually moved me a little. Then al ruined it.

@TWW The three of us could do terrible, unspeakable things to a lady. Who's up for a bit of water-tight Bertie-Bert-Berting?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)
I'm scared...
Very scared.
*hopes that Burt doesn't get his terrible revenge*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:46, closed)
"a shropshire lad" is one of my favourite poetry collections. i know that sounds wanky, but i did english at uni and now i'm a lawyer and i don't often get chance to read that sort of stuff any more!

my grandma always quotes it at me, esp: "and of my three score years and ten, twenty will not come again."

she's 83, but whatever.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:46, closed)
I suspect he will - I suggest you sew up all your holes immediately.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:47, closed)

*clenches everything*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:48, closed)
Thanks, I like it tight.

*Evil Twin pins you down, inserts into anus*
*SensibleBert disapproves but inserts into mouth*
*I take your front bottom*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:50, closed)
The hell of it is
everyone has to go through that initial heartbreak, don't they? All of us have to fall in love hard once, get out heart broken, then let it heal up and learn caution. Just as we need to touch a hot stove once when we're young to teach us caution in regards to hot things.

Me, I had a recurrence of that about six years ago, and felt like an absolute idiot for ages after. Still do, in fact.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:50, closed)
While I'm not as wise, or as intelligent, or as old as many of the B3tans, I know what it's like to go through that.
I was absolutely, utterly and totally destroyed a few years ago, and I'm only just recovering now.

Life can be a bitch.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)
*sighs in relief*
I'm so glad I had that clone made.
So very glad.

*runs away*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:53, closed)
never feel like an idiot for that! Never!

Kaol - I did try to warn you...clone indeed!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:53, closed)
reading it today, housman sounds appalling hearty, all "hail fellow well met" and "lads and lasses". but there's some truly beautiful stuff in there. my own favourite is this one, so bittersweet and self-pitying and nostalgic:

Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:54, closed)

(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:55, closed)
@ Davros' Granddad
Yeah - I know Bodega but not the Crown Posada.

I guess I was more talking about the slightly-niche class of pubs which:

a) Sell good ales
b) Are quiet enough to chat in
c) Attract a lively/slightly younger crowd.

Anyway, this is all academic since I haven't lived there properly for about 10 years.

Cheers for the info though - I will definitely give them both another shot the next time I'm back up north.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)
You think you met the real Kaol-based overlord yesterday?
That was Clone#027.
He's a bit broken.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)
I wondered why he was so nice!

*runs away*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 15:00, closed)
New bash
Another one is being organised.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)
Sorry about that...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 15:02, closed)
Crown Posada is down near the Quayside, just up from the Side Gallery.

Also the Forth has a good crowd in, but it does get a bit loud musically. But it's good music, mostly. Always a younger crowd though.

I like the Red House on the Quayside as well, and the Head of Steam.

Oh, and the Bridge (next to, er, the High level Bridge), and the Cluny.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 15:12, closed)
Quite fond of the Head of Steam when I'm back myself.

And I am a massive fan of the Forth Hotel, have been since I first went there in 1998. Met a lovely young doctor lady last time I was there too. :)
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 16:13, closed)
Chat continues here
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 16:52, closed)
There is
so very much wrongness in this thread.

*curses being at work so couldn't join in with wrongness*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:39, closed)

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