Right.
1. Teenagers - you all have shit dress sense. Seriously. So have I, but I'm 35. You are making me think that I looked that bad when i was a teenager.
2. Ugg boots on girls. "Girls! Short chubby legs? Why not wear boots that make you look shorter AND fatter?!".
3. Ugg boots on 'men'. OHMYFUCKINGGOD.
4. People who queue up in petrol stations waiting for a pump to free up on the same side as their petrol cap.
5. Graham Norton. Obviously
6. People who cough and spit their nasty phlegm on the pavement so that I have to walk over it every fucking day, its everywhere. You dirty fucking scum bags. If I see you do it, I will stab you in the face.
7. Chinese businessmen on buses in Asia. Seriously, just try it. Only redeeming detail- they are easy to elbow in the face accidentally.
8. The Vatican. Beautiful. Stunning. But might as well have the slogan "Looks what we built with our spoils".
9. Inconsiderate people - this means most of you. Seriously, the absolute vast majority of people in the country do not give one second of consideration for other people - its apparent in every facet of life now.
10. Dog shit. Appears to be making a come back.
11a. Anti-congestion charge protesters. Fuck off the lot of you. I hope they make it £20 a mile. Wake up. Driving is not a right just because you bought a car.
11b. The people who whinge about traffic "oh god my journey to work was THE WORST EVER today" and then drive in the next day. Do something about it.
12. People who complain about contracts that they entered into without spending an iota looking at the conditions. Worst offenders - people with contract mobiles.
13. Sky. And their cold calling. NO. I DONT WANT YOUR EXPENSIVE TELLY.
14. Virgin Media. Just..just.. words fail me.
15. BT. Incompetent on a scale unrivalled on earth.
16. Ebay & Paypal. WANKERS.
17. "Ballet" style shoes (yes I know theres a theme) but girls - every man on earth hates you wearing those shoes, we know you like them, but they look shit. And frankly, deeply, deeply unsexy which is why we hate them. You dont need to wear 7 inch heels, but may be a couple of inches plllllllllease!). If you ask if we like them and we say yes - we're lying. We hate them.
18. Porn where the girl really obviously just isnt enjoying it.
19. In direct contraventions to 11a and 11b - petrol prices. But mainly because I dont understand why people arent tearing the fucking country apart in protest.
20. People driving whilst using a mobile. I'm going to start jumping out in front of you - just to scare the shit out of you. (Little trick - if youre driving and you see the driver behind on the phone - wait for their attention and gaze to wander off the road in front and then touch your brake lights - when they look back to the road they react but have no idea how long the brake lights have been on and often slam the brakes on in minor panic. Cracks me up.
21. Men driving BMW's. Frightening. Learn to drive. Buy the highway code - read it.
22. Women driving BMW's. I consider myself a liberal type, but I genuinely think women shouldnt be allowed to drive BMW's.
23. Boy Racers. An open letter to boy racers: "Everyone hates you, your cars are shit".
24. Seatwave.com. Tossers. Semi (il)legal ticket touts.
25. That fat ginger off of ain't it cool news. Cunt.
26. 4x4 drivers. Easy target, but jesus, you dont fucking need it.
27. Leeds Utd. Obviously.
28. Happy scousers.

that'll do for now.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:08, 11 replies)

I'm gonna speak up for #4
4. People who queue up in petrol stations waiting for a pump to free up on the same side as their petrol cap.

Every fucking time I've decided not to bother doing this, the cunting hose hasn't been long enough to reach around my car. If petrol stations were consistent in their hose lengths, this would be far more understandable.

Oh, and for real shits and giggles, drive past a queue of people waiting, do a nifty three pointer and then park on the pump with the car the "wrong" way around (but correct for the pump). The look of thunder you get from some drivers is ace.
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:16, closed)

BT
15. BT. Incompetent on a scale unrivalled on earth.

perhaps rivalled by Britsh Gas and their wonderful homestart package...
(Katzilla Follow Me! @Kat_Zilla (I don't promise funnehs), Fri 2 May 2008, 12:19, closed)

Bit harsh
I think the ballet shoes look quite cute..
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:50, closed)

Ballet flats
I agree with oneinthepink. Not only are they cute, they're also extremely sexy.
( account88888 former cynic, converted to kindness, Fri 2 May 2008, 13:19, closed)

I HATE the ballet shoes
They look ridiculous. Especially worn by girls who have fat ankles, which are many.. ugh, horrid things. They belong in a dance studio, not on the street.
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Fri 2 May 2008, 13:25, closed)

Ballet shoes
I hates them too. 3-2.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 2 May 2008, 13:44, closed)

ooh and
apparently they're bad for your feet. Or so my prophet Skynews tells me. They wreck your feet it says! Lack of support to the heel and no shock absorbtion. *basks in the marvel that is Skynews*
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Fri 2 May 2008, 13:51, closed)

Yeah
me too
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 2 May 2008, 14:05, closed)

I've got a BMW
convertible, and it's a beautifully made motor car, in red with cream leather. It's the best car I've ever had.

And Mrs Cheerful Attic Spider has a 4x4 - a Grand Vitara -- even though we don't really need it because we never go off road. We just bought it because it's big and comfy and if it snows we'll still be able to get to Oddbins for the Chardonnay.

Probably, if your career works out, you'll do similar when you can afford it. Recently, I was driving past a young group of students with the roof down in the BMW, and one of them shouted "tosser", which made me smile because I remember doing exactly the same thing 20 years ago when I had nothing except rage and envy disguised as politcs.
(Super Jet Shoes, Fri 2 May 2008, 14:20, closed)

Another objection to #17
I have to say I quite like them too. No worse for your feet than walking barefoot, and infinitely better than wearing heels a few inches tall and tottering about in the brink of collapse the whole time.
(442, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:54, closed)

27
Sheffield United fan by any chance?

I'm a Peacock, although I'm probably alone in thinking that it was a good decision not to give us back our points. We probably shouldn't have had them taken off in the first place, but there's no point fucking up every other team's psychology in the top six.

Still think we'll go up in the playoffs though.

How did the Blades do this year? The 'Championship' has no interest for me now...

The rest of the post was spot on.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 11:36, closed)