cloying, sugary, sing-song customer services voices.
"Good morning, how can I help?"

turns into

"Good MOR-niiiiing, Jennaaar speakin'how can I helpyouuuuuuuuu???"

If you sit near them they have exactly the same annoying, sing-song introduction, exactly like the voice you use with a toddler who has scraped their knee.

"Aww, have you scraped your knee? Aww, we'll we'll make it all better then won't we! Yes we will, awwwww".

edit: I work in customer services at the moment, and just use my normal, slightly sarky voice.
The girl sitting opposite me dribbles at customers as if they were four! Hiyaaaaaa! lol! I'll just put you through! Kay! Byeeee! lol!!

Facepalm.
( moohalaa, Sun 4 May 2008, 13:18, 7 replies)

for fuck's sake
This does my head in. It's like, jesus christ, I'm calling up about my credit account so it's unlikely I'm still in primary school! You KNOW when someone puts that voice on they're doing it because they don't give a flying fuck about delivering good service and are trying to cover it up by using "the voice" to appear friendly.
(keyboardman, Sun 4 May 2008, 13:50, closed)

Actually, I think they're told to do it, the 'smile while you dial' theory,
that the customer your calling or who is calling you can 'hear the smile'.

God, if I did a job like that, I would just have to kill myself.

Mind you, which is worse, that, or some indian guy who starts his patter with 'Hello, my name is *insert very English name*', I know they're told to do this, but when you start with an obvious lie, why do you think I'm gonna listen?

I guess it's the companies policies that are at fault though, really...
( ..wil, Sun 4 May 2008, 13:56, closed)

Not entirely our fault, honest guv'!
I have worked for the switchboard/customer services/first point of contact of a medium sized store in a largish UK retail chain that used to have a stag as a logo.

Yes, we're asked to be friendly. I generally hammed it up a posh voice, it worked much better and fitted in with the buildings location and general perception.

And the reason why we talk to you like pillocks is because 98% of the people we talk do ARE pillocks, we get the odd people who arn't (like everyone here on b3ta), but the mass general public can't tell their arses from their elbows. If you act all sugary and sweet, you can tell which people are going to be utter berks as they'll shout at you without saying hello.

Although, the above mentioned about the Asian call centers "My name is x" when it's not wound me up a treat, as I had to deal with them on a daily basis for store cards (credit cards with 28% apr).

Pro tip: Never ever be angry at customer services staff in credit card companies, be nice and friendly but firm, if they seem reluctant to help or arn't sure what they can do, ask them nicely to speak to other staff or their manager, don't demand, it won't help you.
(buzzmong procrastinating since 1987, Sun 4 May 2008, 15:47, closed)

yeah...
The amount of empty pleasantries we're expected to ram down customers' throats is truly sickening. Most people, I would hope, prefer the person serving them to just be genuine and helpful. Who actually LIKES the sing-song voice? I do wonder how these policies get decided.

EDIT: I also think that any prospective credit customer should have to correctly identify 5 arses and 5 elbows from a picture chart before being allowed to even fill in the application. I can only imagine the kind of idiots you poor buggers have to deal with on the phone.
(keyboardman, Sun 4 May 2008, 15:48, closed)

Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking... Just a moment!
I suggest you watch Office Space, pronto.
(Toucan - http://www.titmonday.com, Sun 4 May 2008, 16:00, closed)

Tannoy
It's the same voice used by the greeters in Asda on the tannoy announcing the special offers where you can get 3 of some item you'd never buy for the price of 2.
They sound a lot like Mr Brittas from the Brittas Empire.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 4 May 2008, 17:37, closed)

Injuns
I had a cold call once from the most 100% definitely Indian dude ever, only to be greeted with 'hello, my name is Steve Davis'.

How the fates do toy with us. One minute, world snooker champion, then next, Bangalore call centre...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:24, closed)