I'm about to bare my soul to you all, be grateful!
This QOTW isn't the best one for me, as generally I'm the dumpee, not the dump-er.

You see, I'm one of those clingy, needy, fairly possessive guys that women hate. I like to hold my girlfriend's hand when I'm out in public, I make other people sick by stroking her hair, kissing her softly and making her sit on my knee, no matter where we are, and I LOVE cuddles, snuggling under duvets, and spooning. I proper love the spooning.
It'd be pretty fair to say that, despite my unusually high sex drive, I would rather hold my Mrs for hours than fuck her like the Kursk (deep and full of seamen).

So, many years ago I was naive enough to have married completely the wrong girl, and have a baby with her. I was my typical, affectionate, clingy self, while she appeared to have changed almost instantly, the second we'd got married.
I don't know if it was because she'd realised that she'd made a mistake, or if she'd simply gone off me, or even if I'd just been used to get her knocked up, but looking back now I can see she had been deliberately trying to get rid of me.

Two years of loveless, sexless (this is kind of important in any relationship, let alone to a guy of 20 years old), argument-filled, derogatory comment packed, working 60 hour weeks, doing all of the housework because 'cleaning products affect her eczema', doing all the actual work with the baby, including all of the getting up in the night, making bottles, feeding, changing nappies (all the stuff any parent would do, but for some reason she didn't), and staying in every weekend while she pissed what little I was earning up the wall on shopping and getting pissed with her mates followed.
But none of that worked, I'm a decent guy, I stuck by her, I thought I still loved her, and there was no way I would leave my little baby girl and become a weekend Dad.

So she stepped up her game. By sleeping with my older brother.

Not much has changed since then, she's still a lazy, sponging, feckless cow, and I still consider myself to be a pretty good Dad, despite only seeing the little 'un at weekends now, and some five years or so later, I'm finally starting to talk to my brother again. He's a cock, but it's not his fault, he'd shag anything. -even his wife knows that.

:D!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 9:54, 73 replies)

Awh, Mr Monkeysex!
Just "Awh!"
*clicks*
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 9:57, closed)

Sounds like
Kaol could be making some more money here.

Also, a small point - the Kursk was deep and full of dead seamen...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 9:59, closed)

Don't be so ghey Kaol!
Straighten up, we're all men around these parts.

*manhugs*

@K2k6 I'm firing blanks, OK?!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 9:59, closed)

You got married
When you were 20?
That's pretty young.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:02, closed)

Foolish woman
When you find a good man you should hold onto them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:02, closed)

Ta for the hugs, Mrs ancrenne.
That little 'un is my entire universe, and I in no way idolise her simply because, through her, I get to play with Barbies and watch The Little Mermaid.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:03, closed)

@ Kaol
I was just over that when I got married for the first time....I was still very much a child, but refused to listen to anyone who told me I'd change and so would he...yeah, he did....he decided to prefer men.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:04, closed)

@K2k6
They were only dead later. They were alive for quite a while...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:04, closed)

@Kaol
I was 19 when I got married, and Isabelle was born three weeks before my 20th birthday. Like I said, I was pretty naive back then. And stupid. Very very stupid.

@chickenlady are you saying I'm a good man?!

*glees*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:04, closed)

Oh, yeah...
*click*

First one of the QoTW, I think...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:05, closed)

Cheers Enzyme,
but even I have to admit that there have been better posts than this before now!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:06, closed)

@Enzyme
Good point. They were alive long enough to do their job.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:07, closed)

@ Bert
You sound like a good parent, you're affectionate, you do housework and you have a bizarre sense of humour.

Therefore you are a good man.


Obviously the goat thing is an added bonus.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:09, closed)

@Bert
I sympathise with your doing all the work while she took full advantage of that. Extrapolation from my own life suggests that, in a similar situation, I'd be in the same boat.

Doormats of the world, unite!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:13, closed)

@chickenlady
I think I'm going to cry...! Thank you, you're being far too kind to an internet weirdo.

I live on my own now though, so the housework's gone out the window.

@Enzyme It's something I think everyone has to go through at some point, you think you've found the right one, but you couldn't be more wrong, you just can't see it!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:14, closed)

@ Bert
Aaawww!

In my experience b3tans tend to be extremely nice people. One's true personality shines through regardless of how flippant we may be...members who post vitriol and unpleasantness are, in my opinion, rather nasty in real life too I should think.

I've met a fair few b3tans IRL and pretty much without exception they've been fab.

@ Enzyme - that's not being a doormat! That's being a nice person.

I hate the word 'nice' it doesn't imply all that I mean....

Not a doormat, but a considerate individual who realises that things don't get done on their own. A true adult who accepts their responsibilities alongside their freedoms and privileges.

Yeah.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:20, closed)

* clickyhugs *
And as others have said, good on ya for still being a good dad.

There are plenty of women and men out there who would take advantage of their partners in this manner, but there's still plenty of good-un's out there - you gotta find 'em!

* also hugs Chickenlady and Enzyme's future-self *

[EDIT:] "@ Enzyme - that's not being a doormat! That's being a nice person."
THIS!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:24, closed)

Good man
Keep up the great daddying, daddio!
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:27, closed)

A man who likes hugging.
Your part of a rare breed.

I'm not really the touchy feely type but a good long hug from a partner is a panacea for the days troubles.

Surely we can't all be as nice as we seem to be. Apart from Kaol being a psychopath we all seem to be a pretty stable and well adjusted bunch : )
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:28, closed)

*fucks a goat*
Hell yeah!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:29, closed)

aw
*clicks*
*hugs*
*cakes*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:34, closed)

@BGB
I think Kaol's a right decent sort though, as psychopaths go.

*knows that Kaol could have him in a fight*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:35, closed)

*ears burning*
Oi! @BGB
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:35, closed)

Mmmm... cake.
I really appreciate all the hugs and everything, but all of this was years ago, I got over it pretty quickly (the two years of hell were a pretty good run up to the seperation).

But thank you all anyway, you're all great.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:36, closed)

I was trying to exert my willpower and not post much today
as I actually have work to do

but this is too touching

*hugs all round*

;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:42, closed)

"But thank you all anyway, you're all great."
Yes, we are.



Mind you I happen to believe that most people are nice...I think niceness is the natural human default setting.


You can all vomit now.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:43, closed)

lovefest
@Sexmonkey- you're a star and no mistake. Anyone who can combine goat sex and being fluffeh is a winner.

@everyone- you're all lovely, (unless you prove me wrong).

@Enzyme- I reckon you just need to be bullied by the right woman.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:43, closed)

Good show Mr Monkeysex
I'm struggling for anything this week - like you, I've generally been the dump-ee in any relationship. You sound exactly like my brother - the mother of his daughter is a feckless, lazy, work-shy bitch who totally neglects their daughter. She can't wait for weekends to go and stay with her dad, and never wants to leave.

*clicky man-hugs*

*EDIT* and what CHCB says above. Especially the last bit
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:47, closed)

@Chickenlady
Without wanting to start a deep and meaningful philosophical debate, I don't agree that niceness is the default setting.

The survival instinct, pre-civilisation, required us to kill. That is still hardwired into our systems today, although it has been repressed in most of us and covered up by niceness, as we have evolved to the point that we now have no need to have survival skills for the most part.

There are an awful lot of conflicts going on around the globe.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

@ DG
Why doesn't he kidnap her? Maybe the mother won't notice...
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

@chickenlady
that's interesting, because I find that self-centred and unobservant is the default human setting and am pleasantly surprised to find people who aren't like it

I'm not saying that there aren't a lot of people like you fine folk, but it's probably less than half ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

lovey lovey kisskiss cuddle fluffehness
Blurgh!

but you are all ace. And I made big bendy chocolate chip cookies for my colleagues today, but the b3tan in me would secretly like to share them with you lot instead. so there.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:50, closed)

awww
poor Bert!

*offers hugs to add to collection*

*offers cookie*
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:52, closed)

@Belgaer
Trust me, she'd notice when she no longer had her meal ticket to child benefit or single parent rate income support that she could spend on clothes and vodka...

*Sigh* I despair of the situation, and have said so to my brother, but one of the reasons he's working is so that he can ensure his daughter is provided for. Mind you, he's learned a bit over the years - any clothes etc he buys for her stay at his house now, cos he got sick of never being sent clean stuff for her to wear.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:54, closed)

Thanks very much Bob, HLT, chickenlady, Enzyme, Davros's Grandad, Kaol, K2k6....
and everybloodybody else! You're all far too nice!

I have to agree with Vipros though, most people suck, I'm just glad I found you lot...

:)

*bokes*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:57, closed)

Pah,
damn this real world and it's badness.

Does that mean that she wears dirty clothes whilst she's at her mother's?
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:57, closed)

Belgaer
Usually, yes. One time my brother called to pick her up, only to find his daughter in tears on the stairs as 'mummy had fallen asleep and wouldn't wake up'

Mummy was actually totally whammied on vodka, and was comatose on the staircase. He scooped his daughter up, got her some stuff together, and walked out the house, leaving the door wide open.

*Gah* this is getting me really riled now and I'm supposed to be working from home.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:02, closed)

@DG
Can't Social Services do anything? I know they'll blah on about mothers' rights and so on, but from what you say she's not fit to look after herself, let alone a child.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:06, closed)

Crap things happen, people behave badly
But...I still believe in human beings' innate goodness.

Yes, I may be living in a world of my own...but I honestly believe in the story about Socrates* - he was travelling from Athens to Corinth and was stopped by a fellow traveller who had just come from Corinth. He asked Socrates what the people in Athens were like, Socrates asked him how he found the people in Corinth, "Awful people", Socrates told him he'd find Athenians much the same.
As he went on another traveller stopped him and asked the same question, Socrates replied in the same way and the traveller told him that the people in Corinth were marvellous people, friendly, hospitable, kind and so on. Socrates told him he'd find the Athenians much the same.

Yeah, people can be evil, unkind gits...but I still honestly believe in that one righteous man in Sodom.**



*Not sure if it was Socrates, all I can remember is the general gist of the story - who and where are immaterial, it's the moral of the story that's important.

**A lot of good that did them.
And apologies for more, no doubt, incorrect references.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:06, closed)

.
Sometimes, being taken advantage of in this manner is not neccesarily down to evilness but can be attributed to laziness. Once she gets into a routine of being cared for, if she's not very disciplined, she'll end up taking advantage of you and avoid responsibilities. Having your first child is a major step up the ladder and if she doesn't make the leap, she will find the task of coming to terms with her responsibilities that much harder.

While I've never been in this situation, I do have a female friend who seemed to use me as a support for her self-esteem. There was nothing malicious about it - whenever I was on ICQ, she'd tell me her problems and I'd offer her virtual hugs and advice. While in the back of my mind I thought she might be getting too addicted to it, I realised that her life was going through a hell of a rough patch while mine was calm at the time - hence the mis-balance of shoulder-crying. We still occasionally chat but hardly much these days.

@BGB
I am indeed a rare breed.
I'm a man who likes hugging too. But I find that being large, I can be scary to some if I try to be touchy-feely. Methinx this touchy-feely stuff works best with people of petite frames.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:07, closed)

@DG
My mates daughter applied for a variation order (I think?) when she got to 11 and asked the court to allow her to live with him instead of her mother. It went through with very little bother.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:09, closed)

@k2k6
Something should probably be done. However, the worthless bitch can do a pretty good impression of being a solid, together person. Her own parents, for example, don't know the extent of their granddaughter's neglect. Her mother is a police officer, and has simply refused to believe anything she's told about her daughter's unfitness to be a parent.

I've agonised over this before - should I say something to someone in authority? In the end it's my brother's call, and I've told him that. Plus, I just know that if anything were to kick off, but nothing came of it, he'd probably never see his daughter again.

:-(
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:13, closed)

Bert
"I still consider myself a pretty good dad"

Your there for your daughter - you put your daugters happiness before yours - Your clearly a fantastic dad

If only more men acted as selflessly as you

HUGE CLICK
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:14, closed)

weird that there are two very different conversations going on at once
*joins huggy conversation*

I'm told that I give top quality hugs. something to do with being approximately as large and hairy as a bear (may be a slight exaggeration)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:22, closed)

BertMS
Don't stop being the affectionate, hugging type. We wouldn't want you any other way.

*hugs*

I'm very annoyed I can't attend the Big Bash. All that love I'll be missing out on!
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:27, closed)

*loves Clendrix on the leg to make up for it*
Better now?
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:28, closed)

^my jeans were clean
they'll be stiffer than bo diddley by lunchime.
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:31, closed)

Yeah, but what about your jeans?
Oh no, it's Friday, not Wednesday...
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:32, closed)

*Click*
A real man.
(GirlOfTheWorld, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:36, closed)

My goodness,
there's an awful lot of love in this thread.

I'm going to have to bum* you all now.

*bums*

*when I say bum, I mean hug**

**and when I say hug, I mean bum.

@D'sG it's so tempting to just push people like that under a bus, isn't it? -it's the only sure-fire way to solve the problem.

EDIT @Girloftheworld WHO ME? Pfft! -I'm no real man, I like disney princesses and have the physique of a young, but incredibly hairy, girl.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:37, closed)

@ BMS
A chopstick to both eyes could work equilly well, but with more consequences, harder to make it look like an accident.

*throws a kitten into the centre of the thread to bring all the fluffy love back*
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:38, closed)

Oh God.
I go to a meeting, and come back to find the place awash with mushy-ness.

*looks around desparately for someone to hit on*
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:55, closed)

*looks seductive in Kaol's direction*
*hoists his skirt to reveal a sparkling knife*
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:57, closed)

kaol!
we've been talking about you elsewhere!
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:59, closed)

Ew...
You cheap, nasty slut.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:59, closed)

*goes to eat soup*
mmm soup
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:00, closed)

That's no way to talk about clendrix!
Oh...
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:00, closed)

am not
as cheap as you think
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:00, closed)

*counts out contents of pocket*
93p?
And some chewing gum.
And a miniture bottle of vodka.
And some metal guitar picks.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:02, closed)

*looks at the contents of Kaol's hand*
That's not vodka! It's Rohypnol!
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:03, closed)

oh
i am then. my mistake.
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:03, closed)

It is vodka.
I'm gonna need it later.

I really wish that wasn't true.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:04, closed)

What's happening later?

(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:05, closed)

A huge fucking cup of
Russian Coffee.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:06, closed)

.
@K2k6
I think the human brain is hardwired to cope in a world with limited resources. From a 'hardware' point of view, the brain is optimized for resource-acquisition. However, experience has shown us that what we need for basic survival is in abundance and therefore, it's far better to cooperate than compete. Being nice can be considered a 'software override'. I for one hope that some day, we can all override our hardwired survival-instincts and be a lot nicer to eachother.

@ancrenne re hugs
I'm looking forward to the August bash!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:06, closed)

"Being nice can be considered a 'software override'."
Yup, that's pretty much the way I see it too.

It's just that, in some people, the software crashes and that little bit of survival-by-violence code hidden away in ROM gets accessed, then all hell breaks loose.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:15, closed)

Hmmm...
"It's just that, in some people, the software crashes and that little bit of survival-by-violence code hidden away in ROM gets accessed, then all hell breaks loose."

*formats self*
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:18, closed)

*cringes at how geeky these metaphores are becoming*
Wait, this is B3ta... I should've known better. :P
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:19, closed)

Resource acquisition code
just keeps on going and going. When you've got enough food and drink, you then want to start buying luxuary goods such as mobile phones with colour LCD displays, ipods, consoles, £750 handbags, private jets, etc. Perhaps this is a bug in the human brain?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 12:31, closed)

No I won't click
I cannot believe that my favourite goat sexing, monkey sodomising, clean shaven bioethicist bumming, one third of an elite internet slapstick writing partner in crime can be such a big soft gaylord.

Oh who am I kidding.

Have a click you old softy.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:09, closed)

Stupid woman
Is she dim? I'd give my left breast for a guy who liked to hold my hand and stroke my hair! Have a hug Mr Monkeysex for being such a sweetie.
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 21:13, closed)