let's be friends
Last week I was rather brutally dumped, as some of you will know because I harped on about it for bloody ages, sorry about that.

Anyway, it turned out okay (as in 'civil') but part of his rant on that fateful night was that I was too close to my ex.

Now, yes, I am friends with my ex. Good friends. Very close. He is one of the first people I would turn to in a crisis. We were together for a couple of years, and we worked and lived together. We struggled through the break-up to become friends and we have a pretty strong bond. We also have absolutely no sexual feelings for each other whatsoever. We each know who the other is dating, who we have fallen for, what we are doing. It's a familial bond at this stage: I feel like his big sister.

When dumper-boy took issue with me being friends with lovely-ex I was outraged. How could he resent that?! Then, this evening, I heard myself on the phone to lovely-ex (who was about to go on a date) and I was saying "and don't forget the condoms because you're obviously building up to it".

And then I saw dumper-boy's point...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:44, 132 replies)

Pffft.
I once took it a step further- I set up an ex on a date with a friend of mine. Apparently they had a lovely dinner together and liked each other's company, but decided it wasn't going to work out between them.

Probably just as well, as that could have been VERY weird.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:49, closed)

Ooooops
still better to be friends than enemies, surely?

Here, have a cake

*offers chocolate brownie*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:57, closed)

Nothing wrong in your relationship with your ex.
I think it's wonderful. I can totally see the benefits in having a close non-sexual relationship with an ex. When you've lived with someone and had a close bond then you can still care about them and want them to be happy.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:59, closed)

cake!
OOoo, ta.
Mmmmm.

yes, much better to be friends. If I fancied him we'd live moderately happily ever after, but the chemistry just isn't there (he is gorgeous though).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 18:59, closed)

And THERE you have it!
"He's gorgeous though"

No man EVER (and I mean EVAH!) wants to hear his present girlfriend say that of an ex because, we impart OUR sensibilities onto you, the fairer sex: We see a woman and describe her as gorgeous, out loud? We have already contemplated the potential opportunity to bed same. If we speak the words aloud it means we have probably already given it a miss figuring it wouldnt work out, we'd get caught or some such.

So when men see something that we think of as gorgeous, 75% of the time, we want to shag it. "Oh, thats a gorgeous vase, isnt it?" (you leave the room: we're shagging it)

Whereas women can observe that another woman is 'gorgeous' and not have ANY (well, at least not a 'great deal of') intention to shag her. You will NEVER hear a straight guy say about another guy: "OH, he is GORGEOUS!" (unless he has a lisp and is in a MAJOR state of denial about his homosexuality, not that there's anything wrong with that). We just dont do it.

Apparently, and I am a male, but I am not 100% on this: "Gorgeous" equals: "I want to shag that chick/bird/vase/goat"

I hope this helps.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:09, closed)

oh, men
blokes are weird.

Dumper-boy was also somewhat gorgeous but in a different way. A hot, sexy, amazing, hot, scruffy, hot way... Chemistry thing.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:16, closed)

^ I second that
blokes are very weird. But, *shrugs* can't live without 'em. I mean, if I dumped himself, I'd have to kill spiders BY MYSELF!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:21, closed)

On one hand, I would have to say I can see where dumper-boy would be concerned....

On the other hand, if he is secure in his releationship with you and with himself as a person, he should have been able to handle your friendship.

The best example I can think of is actually my parents. They were married for 20 years. Upon divorce, they not only shared an attorney and were amicable, but were adamant that we are all still a famiily (my dad is acutally my step-father). Since they have been divorced, dad has only dated once, but mother has been another story. However, she is always up front in telling someone she might date that if they can't accept her ex-husband as part of her family, then she can't date them. I must say, it is interesting at holidays and family times watching my mother seated between her ex-husband and her live-in boyfriend.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:27, closed)

@Weewitch.
You can dump Mr Weewitch if you like. I have a spider catcher thingy to catch spiders safely without death thus not hindering my karmic balance.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:31, closed)

@flirting with badgers
that's lovely. I like that dynamic.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:31, closed)

see?!
Therein lay the rub! What would you do for spider destruction/removal (my Sister and her three daughters make my Brother in Law 'release' their house spides into the wild of their back yard...and you say WE are weird!)?!

I mean, we definitely provide some 'value' but ultimately, when the woman we care about, love, hand our hearts to says, about another guy: "He is gorgeous" we automatically think you want to shag him.

It's hormonal...back to our cave dwelling days when we dragged you lot behind us by your hair. If Rhott heard his woman say that she found Uwangee hot, he HAD to defend his property by killing Uwangee. It's encoded in our brains.

Sorry. And sadly, to some degree, I am not immune from this reaction. Despite being AWARE of it, understanding it, I cannot overcome that knee-jerk reaction of "You think he's hot?! Then just go ahead and shag him you harlot!"

Followed by my hard exterior crumpled on the floor just inside my front door, weeping uncontrollably. (think Ben Stiller in "Something About Mary" while he walks to his car)
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:31, closed)

@BGB
Noooooooooo - they have to be deader than a very very dead thing. Or they might come back in.

@Citadel: I grew up in a very male-dominated family so I know better than to comment on any guy being "hot" in MrWitch's hearing. I only did it once and he went a very odd colour. In a lot of ways I understand the male psyche far too well. And you ARE all weird.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:37, closed)

@Citadel
Get a grip there soldier.

Remember

Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:38, closed)

@ CHCB
It has actually worked quite well. The way we all see it, we were a family for 20 years, who is to say we no longer are just because the parents don't want to be married to each other anymore?

@ Citadel: Perhaps this is why so many women have short hair, so they won't be dragged off to a cave. Sweep us off our feet, sure, but save the dragging for really naughty sex.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:40, closed)

@BGB
and generalizations are from Uranus.

Honestly, if the Lunatic Artist comments to me (and she sometimes does) that she finds someone else hot, it really doesn't bother me at all- because I know what bed she's going to be in later. She can lust after others as much as she wants, as long as she doesn't act on it.

But then, I'm not a typical guy...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:43, closed)

@TRL
you do know that if the Lunatic Artist is ever mad enough to dump you, there will be a queue round the block to offer you "comfort"?

Can't you offer training to the lesser specimens of the male sex? A short correspondence course of some sort? Promotional DVD?

By the way, if you do, I want a cut of the fees!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:45, closed)

@TRL
Unfortunately generalizations sometimes hit the mark too many times.

You are as you say, not a typical specimen of the male species so pat yourself on the back and let us bemoan the standard of men out there today.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:49, closed)

@ TRL
Being non-typical in the way you are is how more men should be IMHO. I'm quite sure Lunatic Artist greatly appreciates your reaction.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:53, closed)

Jealousy comes from
insecurity- if you don't feel secure in your relationship, if you think your SO is shopping around for something better, it raises feelings of jealousy. I used to get it all the time myself.

Nowadays I figure that if she's seriously shopping for something better, I'm not really the one she wants, and there's no sense in wasting any more time. If she's doing it because she wants to make me jealous (as many women do, out of some strange twisted urge to put their man through a wringer), I have no need for her head games and tell her to run along.

On the other hand, if she just wants to take him for a quick test drive- well, that's actually negotiable.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 20:00, closed)

^ ^
That is exactly the same way I see it.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 20:06, closed)

@TRL
Oooo! test driving men. Sounds wonderful. I can visualize a big white gleaming showroom with lots of men on revolving pedestals.

I'll try that one please. The one with the naughty glint in his eye and the large hands : )
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 20:09, closed)

Well...
if you're not serious about keeping them but just want to get a bit of thrill, what harm is there? Just as long as proper precautions are taken...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 20:16, closed)

The implications (or lack thereof) of words like "gorgeous"
I don't think I agree with Citadel.

My wife has lots of female friends. Some of them I find very pretty. But the thing is, I don't *care* that they're pretty. It doesn't change how I act around them, or how/what I think about them. Because, I'm happy where I am.

That being said, I wouldn't just say out of the blue "Your friend X is pretty!". But if directly asked "Do you think Y is pretty?" I would answer truthfully. And, the other week, several of us got together and another guy said that he didn't find Z pretty at all, which I thought a rude thing to say, so I responded by saying that I think she's very pretty, which I do.

Although admittedly I suppose "gorgeous" is a much stronger term than just "pretty" or even "very pretty".
(chase, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 21:29, closed)

hmmm
perhaps I should change "gorgeous" to "classically very good looking", damn the photogenic bastard. All our holiday snaps had me looking like a humid potato and him looking his handsome, camera-friendly self.

When my mum first met him she said "but he's gorgeous!" in a tone of voice that indicated surprise at him being with me.

Anyway, that's all moot given that we're more like brother and sister (with me being the adopted scrawny runt of the litter).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 21:48, closed)

^
aha! My profile pic is actually a badly photoshopped image of a potato. The white legs are my own.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:04, closed)

it depends:
killer potatoes do. Don't cross an angry Maris Piper.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:12, closed)

King Edwards
can be defeated with a red-hot poker.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:14, closed)

@CHCB
arf!
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:17, closed)

hello al!
I've just replied to you over on t'calendar.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:20, closed)

Evening
I shall go and look. Glad i'm not the only person who isn't out on a friday night.

I've got a good excuse mind. It's not like i'm just a saddo or 'owt.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:23, closed)

*drinks wine*
*alone*
*opens another packet of Wotsits*
*drinks more wine*
*wonders when the hell real-life might involve civilised conversation like wot's on b3ta*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:29, closed)

@anncrenne
well in that case I shall thank the mechanic who hasn't finished fixing my car for making me appear like a cool kid.

A cool kid at home at his parents on a friday night.

What makes it worse is that I know my girlfriend is out having a really good time with all our friends. 100 miles away.

Grrrrr
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:31, closed)

I feel I should add
that my parents are not actually here, if they were I would probabyl talk to them. Not to be rude to you guys or anything mind. It's just, you know they're family and all.

That said, they are actually on holiday. I could have a party! But then bigger boys might come and steal things and I would be sad.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:35, closed)

Yay!
Kitteh parteh at my mum and dads tonight! Bring all your cool friends, alcohol and kittehs!

No bigger boys allowed.

Address:

althegeordies mum and dads house
althegeordies mum and dads street
althegeordies mum and dads village
East Sussex

Dress Code:

Smart casual, nO cAPs.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:43, closed)

*runs in*
*screams*

Evening all.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:56, closed)

*runs in*
*screams*

Evening all.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:56, closed)

I've had the
strangest de ja vu about Kaols entrance.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 22:59, closed)

Haha...
Just wait for the bash Al...
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:01, closed)

Are you talking about the drinks on the 19th?
Or are you just implying that you will hit me on the head at some indeterminate point in the future?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:03, closed)

*winks*
That's for me to know...
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:04, closed)

Hello you gyts*
are you all feeling good?

*gorgeous young things
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:34, closed)

I dunno...
Am I feeling good?
*offer self for feel-test*
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:35, closed)

I'm glad you clarified the
gyt thing, I just thought you were drunk and mashing the keyboard.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:35, closed)

Ah...
I thought it was a fancy way of saying "gits"
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:36, closed)

*feels kaol*
seems ok

not drunk! amazing!

was hoping for some weird conversation on here, but it all seems quite normal (comparatively speaking)
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:39, closed)

If robots went fishing
What would they do with the fish?
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:40, closed)

we are having a slighty
odd conversation on the calender board actually, the one for drinks in london on teh 19th.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:40, closed)

@Kaol
they would grind them up to form a rudimentary paste to keep the humans they have enslaved as a source of power alive.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:41, closed)

might look in
meanwhile, let me first ascertain whether said robots are waterproof
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:42, closed)

good point
I hadn't thought of that
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:43, closed)

Yep, they're waterproof
And have triangle-shaped heads.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:44, closed)

Like the pyramid head
bloke from Silent Hill?

Or more like coneheads the piss poor Dan Akroyd "comedy" vehicle from the 80s?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:46, closed)

OK
triangle-shaped heads usually means a design compromise affecting balance, so I think ocean fishing is out (tidal and current movements).

So we're talking mainly river-based fishing here.

Hmmm...
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:47, closed)

I assumed
that river fishing was a given, the idea of robots with triangular heads out on a north sea trawler or similar being patently ridiculous.

Robots sitting on the bank of a river, with a six pack of chilled hydraulic oil is far more realistic.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:50, closed)

i hope so
poor things.

i think the government takes their fish, they don't actually do anything with them at all.
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:56, closed)

Their heads are more like
A robotic version of one of THESE:
www.mzephotos.com/images/insects/praying-mantid-dark-eyed.jpg
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:57, closed)

I can't imagine
that a robot would let the government take their fish. If I was a robot and teh government tried to take my fish i'd be bloody furious. I'd use my lazers and everything.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 23:57, closed)

I can't eat
Fish.
It's my one true weakness.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:21, closed)

It's a weakness
that may bring about your doom if these triangular, unbalanced, laser-wielding robots are upset by the fact you can't eat their catch.
( thealternativefact, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:24, closed)

Why
can't you eat fish? do you just keep dropping it like a clumsy twat?
( Bazongaloid, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:29, closed)

It gives me
The Vomiting.

Makes Chenoble look like a roadside picnic.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:32, closed)

well
if there's a lull in fun at the bash, one of you will have to slip some fish-based product into kaol's beer.
( thealternativefact, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:34, closed)

hur hur
"makes Chenoble look like a roadside picnic"

It's getting too late, I have a long drive tomorrow, when me car gets fixed at least.
( Bazongaloid, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:35, closed)

A lull in the fun?
When I'm there?
Can you imagine it?
Never!

*won't be drinking at the bash*
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:35, closed)

That's true Kaol
A lull in the fun would imply that the fun was at some point above the minimum point of fun achievable in the universe whilst you were present. Which we all know couldn't possibly happen.

*grins*

*looks forward to recieving his second frown of the day*
( Bazongaloid, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:41, closed)

It is getting late...
and some twat* made me an appointment to have a haircut at 9am tomorrow.

So, goodnight groovers.

*er, me
( thealternativefact, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:42, closed)

Ooooooh Adventures
Do they ever involve unicorns?

*looks dreamily into the distance*

I love unicorns.
( Bazongaloid, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:42, closed)

Well...
*shrugs*

I will, however, be drunk at the bash.
And may drink during any non-bash moments.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:43, closed)

night night
mind the bed bugs don't bite
( Bazongaloid, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:43, closed)

There are bugs
That live in beds?
OhJesusFuckin'Christ

*cowers under desk*
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:45, closed)

*dangles a knife infront of Kaol*
Come on out...

Evenin' all btw.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:46, closed)

Awh no!
That's a rubbish trade.
Come back clendrix!
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:50, closed)

I'm going to bed now too
to wrestle bugs.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.
( Bazongaloid, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:50, closed)

But... Kaol... I thought... I thought you loved me? :(
*sobs into his pan*
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:57, closed)

Kind of...
(Bye Al!)

But you failed the test, so I love you less than others.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:58, closed)

What if I put a dress on
and tuck my tackle between my legs?

I already have the boobs.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:59, closed)

...
It rubs the lotion on it's skin...
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:01, closed)

Fuck that...
*bludgeons Kaol and adds him to his previous created pile*
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:13, closed)

doesn't tickle count as flirting?
*sexes Ancrenne in the ear*
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:17, closed)

I always clean up after myself...
Though, since you're not satisfied *licks Ancrenne in the ear.*
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:24, closed)

Why the ear?
It's always the ear with you.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:28, closed)

*Passes Ancrenne the towel.*
No, it's only the ear with Ancrenne, as until yesterday she'd never experienced it before, with everyone else I love them on the leg.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:29, closed)

What about
Jellyfish?
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:31, closed)

You want me to sex a jellyfish?
Or does Ancrenne have a jellyfish I'm not aware of?
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:33, closed)

How would you sex one?
Eh?
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:34, closed)

Place it tentacle down...
Then, with it being nice and squishy... Insert, remove, insert, repeat.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:35, closed)

WRONG!
To sex a jellyfish, you have to dissect the mantle cavity, and check for ovaries.

Hahaha!

/Biology joke
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:37, closed)

I'm not a biologist.
So ner!
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:38, closed)

I'll just continue sexing you in the ear then
I get the impression you like it anyway.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:39, closed)

I'm a biologist
Which clearly makes me fantastic.

If you're gonna ear-sex, at least ask first.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:42, closed)

nah,
it's suprise ear sex. She prefers it that way.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:43, closed)

*frowns*
*offers bromide*
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:44, closed)

If she's sedated, she won't be as suprised,
but thank you for the offer anyway.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:44, closed)

I meant for you...
Or are we gonna have to do this the "classic" way?

*lunges wildly with de-cocking shears*
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:48, closed)

*calmly bludgeons Kaol again*
I'm really starting to like this table leg...
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:49, closed)

Kaol probably had a wee too...
A sex one.
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 1:53, closed)

*shrugs*
I did once, but it was by mistake.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:20, closed)

Does it tie in with your whole
obsession with coming first?
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:21, closed)

Maybe...
I can sacrifice coming first sometimes.
But only sometimes.
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:24, closed)

I'm going to bed now,
but tomorrow, I say we have a top 5 on the spot quiz, High Fidelity stylee..
(Belgaer is, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:25, closed)

I have no idea what
That means...
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:31, closed)

*grins*
Are you offering yourself up to me for one then?
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:35, closed)

Wine is far too easy to spill
If you've had a lot of it...
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:49, closed)

Gah!
Not only do I miss the fun, but I stayed in on Friday night too! Oh well, at least I watched Have I Got News For You.


I have a saying in life:
Women are strange. Men are also strange.


>>Men are from Mars.
>>Women are from Venus.
>generalizations are from Uranus.

Nice one!


>insecurity- if you don't feel secure in your relationship, if you think your SO is shopping around for something better, it raises feelings of jealousy.

In other words, dumper boy's problem was that he didn't trust CHCB.


PS. Yay to civilised conversations that turn ridiculous (and vice versa). Those are b3ta conversations.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 14:20, closed)

Wish I'd watched HIGNFY
as this might have resulted in triangular-robot-free dreams.

Belgaer, where are you with your top five quiz?
( thealternativefact, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

Awh, you dreamed about my robots!
*smiles*
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 15:44, closed)

*grins*
No fish though, so no need for vommity thoughts.

Did the Great Leader manage to sleep?
( thealternativefact, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 15:48, closed)

Yeah, I did,
For a bit, anyway *smiles*
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 15:55, closed)