Hmmm
This is a difficult one. I mean, I've never had a difficult breakup before, the feeling was generally mutual.

I do, on occasion, feel like I should end it with the current missus though. It's difficult: when I'm with her it's (usually) great and I'm happy to be with her, but if I'm at home and we arrange to meet I'm nearly always dreading it. I don't know why realy, other than often thinking I'd rather spend time with my other friends. I always have to go to hers, she never comes here unless she wants to surprise me, and I always HATE those moments because I then have to drop whatever I'm doing (even something as pointless as playing a computer game) and go do something with her.

Five minutes later I'll be fine though. It's just that initial drop in my spirits I don't like. Am I just lazy?

She is clingy, but that only bothers me because she gets jealous that I can go out with my friends without her and *shock**horror* actually have fun. I'm at her place virtually every night and we do a lot of stuff together, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. Yes, I have said the L-word, but to be honest I'm still not entirely sure on that issue. She certainly is though. Very.

It's all made harder by the fact that she's forrin and has only just moved to (my town) less than a year ago, and I was one of the first people she met and actually got on with. I've helped her a lot with all sorts of beaurocratic crapola that she'd have had difficulty doing alone, and I just think she's very attached to me.

I seriously don't want to hurt her and actually don't want to split up, but maybe someone's got an explanation for that sinking feeling I get when she calls? Where does that come from? Why doesn't it elate me to see her name on my phone? We get on great and if she could understand english humour properly shed probs be a b3tan, but frankly I can't see it lasting forever like she seems to think it will.

She's also a hell of a knock-out, I'm impressed with myself. But it's not the only reason we went out. No really.

Length? I've had no complaints so far, and it's been six months!
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 15:58, 16 replies)

That feeling
is natures way of saying that either it's not meant to be, or that you need to be a bit less selfish. But based on what you've said, probably more the former than the latter. A good relationship will allow you time for "you" even if that's playing computer games, or going out with friends without your other half.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 16:08, closed)

I feel exactly the same,
if my girlfriend turns up even 20mins earlier then she said she will I get hit with a wave of disappointment and tend to put my foot in it before I become happy to see her (Normally saying "Why are you here early?" and not the "Hey babe! Your'e here early!" Like she probably wanted to hear.)

Maybe it's gods way of saying we should stay single forever :|
(Vikingheadache, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 16:13, closed)

I'd say...
its that you're spending too much time together. I've done this myself, and found that feeling of dread - not because I didn't like my partner, but because this was the 4th time I'd seen them that week, and when I was seeing them it would be to hang out and not really do anything.

Its a difficult step, but try seeing each other only once or twice a week, and make sure its to do something proper - more like a date than hanging out. It might be tough to explain to her, but its a hell of a lot easier than a breakup.

Its guaranteed to work - either the extra space makes you want to see her more, or convinces you you're happy without her.
(Mattle, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 16:16, closed)

Yeah, been there
it means it's not going to work.

Well, it did for me.

Best of luck.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 16:42, closed)

I know this one.
I used to get this feeling with my old girlfriend. I enjoyed the time we spent together, everything was fun fun fun but every time she mentioned meeting up again, or every time she called I got this sinking feeling. I took it to be my innate fear of commitment rearing its ugly head. However I'm not really one of those people who think constantly pushing yourself will make you better, if I don't like commitment I don't like commitment, so I broke up with her.

This made me very happy, suddenly I was free to sit in my pants and do nothing all day, or go out and do something I wanted to do without reference to anyone else (even though we liked the same things, just having to consult someone else feels restrictive...even if they agree with you). I'm sure at some point I'll find someone it doesn't feel scary to get serious with, or I'll get over it as I grow older, but for now it feels good.
(Hippo_of_Doom, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 16:44, closed)

Good God
You could actually be me. Except I'm not actually that sure I do want to stay with her. We're taking some time apart at the moment, but only because she cried and begged until I agreed to that as opposed to a full dumping.
( Kroney, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 17:02, closed)

Best bit of advice EVAH on this QoTW
Came from Big Girls Blouse: don't be with the one you can live with, be with the one you can't live without. Sounds like you have (a), not (b) so as life is short, do the Right Thing - but tell her (as long as you mean it) that you are still happy to help her with bureaucracy etc, but make it clear from the start that this is "as and when" not once a bloody week. That way, she doesn't feel cut off and you can spend more time playing games and being with your mates. Believe me, when you meet The One everything else in life is irritating if it means you can't be with her.
( I_Was_Mordred, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 17:09, closed)

^
just bear in mind that there's probably no such thing as The One. I thought there was once, but I was wrong.
*cynicals*
There is probably the right one for a particular time though. Best not fuck it up.
Oh, and often both parties are guilty of something.
*goes back to listening to morose shit on her iPod*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 18:53, closed)

Don't sound good.
And CHCB, I met my other half when he was 38 and I was 16. He'd never met anyone he wanted to be with, and had completely given up. Then we met, I came round and I basically haven't left for 5 years. Sometimes you find it in the most unlikely of places, at the weirdest of times.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 19:39, closed)

^
I did meet the person I wanted to be with. Then I lost him. Then I thought maybe there was a second chance with someone else but I seem to be doing that all wrong too. It's a pity there's no such thing as atheist nuns as I reckon that's the best option left to me, except I'm a trollop so that doesn't work either.

It'r heartening to know that some people get it right. Good for yous.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 20:04, closed)

move in with her you cunt
(Papa Chocolat, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 20:20, closed)

Ah give it time
I used to feel like that ... like it was always a chore to see her, would rather do other things etc...

But over time all those good moments stack up until before you know it you're actually happy when she turns up early.

Worked for me!!
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Mon 9 Jun 2008, 22:57, closed)

In my experience
She's too available. You are too secure in the knowledge that she's there, so your mind is free to wander.

It doesn't mean its to be or not to be, but simply that if she can make herself less available to you, you'll start to crave the same attention you used to receive.
Above all else talk to her lad! Tell her that it's not necessarily a bad thing but that she must give you a kick in the pants and reinvigorate your feelings. If she starts acting like she doesn't care you will do an about turn quicksmart. Explain that the best she can do is to 'trick' you into missing her, but you *must* fully explain how you feel so she doesn't think you're just looking for a transition to breakup or room to fool around.


On reflection, the times I've been most head over heels in love with someone has been when they've been inaccessible in some way.
(Edktstsss, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 7:46, closed)

Ed9489 makes an interesting point.
Which may explain a few of my broken relationships. My recent one was with a girl whom i was head over heels with. But then she ended up moving in, then suddenly I felt kinda bored with her.

Another one I had to drive 2 hours to go see. One day I got stuck in a traffic jam going. I felt like turning the car around and not bothering.

Yet my first g/f who was a nutter and i never knew what to expect, and a girl i liked on the train but never actually spoke to, seemed to derive more feelings out of me than the accessible ones.

I Think the saying treat them mean keep them lean might have some truth behind it. Keep the girl/guy at arms length :D
(Miggyman, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 8:25, closed)

Hmmmm
In theory this is great, but relationships are about openness and honesty and really playing a game with someone to hold their interest is neither.

I think that the key to a healthy relationship is to enjoy your own interests rather than put your life on hold for another person. If you have a little less time to see them because you are doing other things like seeing your friends or going to the gym then it's more likely to work.

To be fair, I had a chat with my other half, well it was more of a full scale row over something else, and I told him that I wanted to see less of him and spend more time chilling out, getting washing done, seeing my friends, reading a book because although I think he's awesome, some of the time we were spending together was not 'quality'. Thing is I knew he felt the same but just didn't say anuything about it.

Hope that helps in some way.
(GirlOfTheWorld, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 11:41, closed)