A Proppa Cuppa
The giving of gifts should make us feel warm and generous. It's not truly selfless; it leaves us feeling happy that we've provided a little slither of joy for someone and that should always be the reward we receive in return.

And so it was when, as I strolled around Sainsbury's last just-before-Christmas, that I spied a pint glass / tankard style mug among the "cheap gifts to disappoint your work colleagues who insist on doing secret-fucking-santa" section.

"My flatmate likes tea and he likes pints of things; he'll fucking love this!" said my brain to itself and I agreed that it would indeed be so. So I bought it without a second thought.

And I was right... he loved it. A smile crept onto his little face and I got all those feelings of generosity and warmth that I'd imagined. How nice I felt to make my friend happy with so simple a gift, and cheap too; every one's a winner, or so you may think.

Immediately the kettle was warmed and tea was made: his in his shiny new mega mug; mine in my favourite, trusty, old, slightly stained, small, stupid, normal-sized, rubbish mug. I seethed with secret envy at the giganta-mug that my flatmate gleefully supped his tea from, while I was forced to endure the humiliation of normal sized tea drinking.

My next supermarket trip saw me search feverously for my own pint mug, but with Christmas now just a heavy memory hanging around my slightly distended belly, the cheap tat section had been packed away for another year and in its place lay shelves of rubbish stuff to buy under the pretense of making a new start for the new year.

No mega mugs remained and I knew I'd have a year of watching my flatmate enjoy huge vats of tea while I sipped at thimbles of sour, second rate rubbish. Every time I made him a cuppa the water would chuckle mockingly at me as I poured gallons of it into this bottomless holy grail. I searched shop shelves whenever I saw mugs displayed, but none could match up to the marvel of what had now become the greatest gift I never got given.

And then I moped around Sainsbury's yesterday in search of another effortless secret santa for another soon-to-be-disappointed colleague and stumbled upon the same section of shite gifts. I couldn't believe it, I literally stood and rubbed my eyes with utter disbelief, for there, among the Make Your Own Yo-Yo kits and Bore Your Own Family To Death books was the object of my tea drinking desires, a pile of them, all shiny and new and waiting for me to drink pint after pint of warm tea from their copious bellies.

One of them sits by me now, brimming with steaming tea and making me feel once again content with all in my tea based world. You may not appreciate reading this much about naught but a mug, but clearly you don't have one of your own, for if you did you would surely understand*.



*or, you know, you'd probably still think this is far too long a piece about a fucking mug and you're probably right, but it's raining out and I'm bored silly, so tough titties!
( Moey, Sun 29 Nov 2009, 15:56, 17 replies)

I've got one of those pint+ mugs
They're feckin' ace. My mother in law gave me it for my birthday.
( Fronds are waving gently on, Sun 29 Nov 2009, 16:42, closed)

i can beat that
a mate gave me a mug from disneyland, it's a litre and a half capacity
*smugs*
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 29 Nov 2009, 18:17, closed)

Its a strange thing, but whatever size of mug I make my tea in, I only ever drink half of it. I should get one of these mugs so that I get a decent amount of tea drunk.
(Freakmandu, Sun 29 Nov 2009, 18:26, closed)

Have a look
in your local Sports Direct. Got a pint mug from there for 49p. Most impressed.
(tty, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 1:31, closed)

You get a click
Just because it's so entertaining and well written.
Plus you're an avid tea-drinker :-)
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 10:02, closed)

altho that was awesomely written
I worry that your tea is too weak. Are you using two teabags?
(ignoramusaurus, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 10:06, closed)

yay for tea!
I have to say I hate tea in huge mugs; it tastes like "weasel watter" or is so stewed its like treacle; i can never get big mugs just right. Yay for normal size things.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 10:20, closed)

Approach it scientifically
Starting point:
2 bags
Let sit for 30 seconds
stir stir stir
mash mash mash (to the tune of Salt N Pepa - Mash it Real Good)
Cool by stirring for 2 minutes and insert milk.

Simply change 1 element at a time until you make good tea, then stick with that method.

I am a nerd of tea!
(Toucan - http://www.titmonday.com, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 10:50, closed)

Nerd of tea?!
Lies! You, sir, are a barbarian of tea! Mashing is for children and dodgy, teeth-sucking, cowboy builders.

Never mash, just let the bag rest for three minutes or so. A smoother, less bitter brew will be your lasting reward for the time invested.
( Scrumper, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 10:55, closed)

What?
Leave a teabag to stew?! Best way is to take bag and dunk, then lift, allowing the water that has seeped in to the bag to run out, thus taking the dissolved goodness with it. Repeat until colour and strength to your liking. Much faster, much more acurate.
(mersault, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:46, closed)

Not stew, brew
I will concede that your accelerated process has its merits, just as long as you don't squish the bag against the side of the cup.
( Scrumper, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:20, closed)

Normal teabags?!
For a decent cup of tea in a pint mug use a coffee filter bag and leaf tea to taste -- you then get all the flavour with no mashing necessary.
How I miss my dear-departed pint mug, filter, and "giant tea spoon".
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 17:48, closed)

Will I start an argument if I say milk should go in first?
(Freakmandu, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:48, closed)

YES YOU WILL
YOU HEATHEN BASTARDCUNT
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 16:56, closed)

The milk should go in first.
(Freakmandu, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 20:26, closed)

Indeed!

(The Ear-Trumpet Addicting is NOT a word., Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:36, closed)