I was supposed to be at work
it was malia this summer
my ginger wingman steve and i had made some friends in 2 innocent looking girls that came in the bar i work for for dinner every night as we had stopped the 2 sleazy old greek waiters that worked there in the day from sleazing all over them because they were so approachable and friendly and err MINDNUMBINGLY FIT


we arranged for them to come and meet us from work but they came early so we ran off from work an hour early and we went out for a bit. we were all a bit pissed and i ended up fingering the blonde on in the toilets in one of the other bars and noticed she was a bit tight.

We dared them to snog each other, they did and i INSISTED that steve and i take them home with us IMMEDIATELY and i was outside the bar on my moped within literally seconds. All four of us on my bike i slowly and tentatively rode my bike as carefully i could and we picked some stronbow up from our boss' kebabb shop on the way to steve's.

Within 20 minutes i was banging one while steve was banging the other in a double bed next to me. we did a lot of swapping and the sort as the blonde one was a bit unreceptive but seemed to be trying. I came into the dark haired more slutty one's mouth (that managed to fit both steve and my's penis into her spludge at one point)

steve snogged her after. We drank our bow, dressed and cleaned upnoticing BLOOD all over the bead and a bloddy hand print on the wall. The blonde had been a virgin. the handprint is still there to this day i swear.

I drove them to bananas (club) and we lost them eventually in town. i saw a girl i had been seeing for a bit that had fucked me off by text message that very day who i still kid of liked, she then proceeded to snog someone else right in front of me. nice (karma?)

I stormed off in a huff and drove towards home, as i went past the club where they have the foam party i noticed 2 other regulars from the bar coming out covered in foam. Uni types they were but quite fit

"come on girls I have towels at mine i'll dry you off etc.." they laughed and got on, i got xome curry and wine on the way, dried them off and proceeded somehow to fuck the both of them until the earlyu hours. I was exhausted. God i miss being tanned and beautifull



end


100% truth
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 20:49, 16 replies)

i don't understand what this
has to do with procrastination?

you just sound like a bit of a twat who's trying to show off on the interwebs?
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Tue 18 Nov 2008, 21:08, closed)

trying
being the operative word.

He just sounds like a twat to me.
(man_d is being watched by experts on, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 21:36, closed)

His name is apt.
But twat head would have been more truthful...
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 21:37, closed)

Not so much
Procrastination as something phoenetically similar.

In that he's clearly a wanker :P

Just a showing-off post, not even a poorly-tacked-on "And I waited until the next day to do her..." attempt at hooking back onto the question.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:27, closed)

That would be a lie though
Not something the QOTWers are scared of I guess
( TY&GN, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:30, closed)

I keep looking for some irony in this catalogue of appalling behaviour..
..and finding none. Yet I still suspect you wrote this for a laugh and it is lies.. it must be surely?
(lost, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:04, closed)

It's okay.
He's like it all the time. Just ignore it.
( Bats, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:17, closed)

This is true
Get on the /talk board guys, it's almost constant
( TY&GN, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:18, closed)

Truth or lies, it doesn't really matter.
He's just trying to be controversial. Having checked out his profile it's got 'I am going to try to wind you up' written all over it.


Move away now.....nothing to see here.
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:09, closed)

Are you drunk or typing with your eyes closed?!

(i should have joined myspace, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:12, closed)

*sniggers*
You have a small willy, dontcha?
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 9:06, closed)

Were
the 2 girls actually ladyboys and that is why they were a bit 'tight'?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 9:58, closed)

yawn
what tedious cockdribble
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 10:45, closed)

Anyone else think he's a virgin?
Time for IGNORE...
(BuckshotLeFunk, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 11:27, closed)

yep
the whole of /talk
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 13:05, closed)

May I please posit the theory...
...that you are a monumental bell-end?

You are also semi-literate at best.

Not looking good for you is it, old bean?


My mind aches trying to imagine what was going though your mind as you posted this. I have come up with a couple of possibilities:

1) God I am SO CRAZY! People won't BELIEVE the scrapes I get into - I CAN SCARCELY BELIEVE THEM MYSELF!!!!!
2) Everyone I meet thinks I'm a raving bender/virgin - THIS'LL SHOW THEM!!!!

You blithering spastic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 16:06, closed)