makeup
was banned at my school. totally, utterly and completely banned, apart from a patronising edict that those girls who suffered from particularly bad acne could wear a bit of concealer.

needless to say, i ignored this. i had a (gay) history teacher to impress. so every morning i would get tarted up to the nines. and every lunchtime the evil witch who headed up the latin department would spot me and put me in detention.

finally one day i was threatened with suspension. i knew my parents would butcher me if i got suspended. but i couldn't possibly meet the eyes of the divine history teacher without at least one coat of mascara. so i thought about it - ten times harder than my lessons - and came up with a genius plan. i dyed my eyelashes a deep, dark, indigo blue-black, then coated them with layers of clear mascara. the result was not quite as good as my lovely volumising black mascara, but it was bloody close.

sure enough, the following day, the witch dragged me into her lair before latin and handed me a tissue and some make-up remover. the smirk rapidly faded as she watched me wipe my laden eyes... but nothing came off. eventually she had to concede defeat. this is where i snapped and threw caution to the wind.

"i'll have you know that i don't need this stress when i am trying to do my a-levels," i said haughtily. undaunted by her frozen response, i foolishly continued, "i mean, i am 18 years old. i can drink. i can get married. i can drive. i can have children. i can vote. i can have a job. i can get a mortgage. and i can't wear mascara on my own eyelashes?"

"rswipe," the witch said heavily, breathing through her teeth. "go and wash your face again. then when you have done that, you can spend your lunchtime working out how to say [insert something shit that i have forgotten here] in latin. and if you get it wrong, you'll spend the next two weeks in detention." needless to say, i spent the next two weeks in detention. my latin sucked.

yes, ok, fine, clear mascara is as close as i've got to any form of protest. i can't help being stiflingly middle-class, ok?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 14 Nov 2010, 23:29, 4 replies)

Romanes eunt domus

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 0:32, closed)

You could have been a judge,
if only you had the Latin.
( Ghoti Fingers, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 7:21, closed)

What is the Kibosh? And how do you put it on something?

(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 9:35, closed)

"i can't help being stiflingly middle-class"-
I dunno, flouting make-up rules to impress your lesbian history teacher is *quite* risqué.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 10:41, closed)