The Untouchables

Has anyone else discovered that the older you get, the less you can drink?

And I don't mean your propensity to drink. I mean there's certain tipples that you got wasted on at some point in the past and the thought of even smelling them now makes you want to spew / brings back evil memories.

My list of untouchables goes like this:

Teachers - Drank half a liter on my 18th. Woke up with my trousers round my ankles, waving my cock about, in a field...
...full of sheep.

Bacardi - Woke up in a bathtub, stark bollock naked, with a very large older lady stradling me, pissing on my chest... (apparently she said I'd consented, but I really can't recall).

Gordon's Gin - 25 years old, a girl broke up with me, after a bottle of Gordon's thought it would be a good idea to go round to her house at 3am and serenade her with Goodnight Elizabeth by the Counting Crows (her name was Mary, by the way)... She set her dog on me and I have the scars on my arse to prove it.

Cider (any brand) - Got pissed up on this shit when I was 19, maybe 20. Decided I was stronger than Robo-fucking-Cop and took on an entire rugby team from Devon, as they were 'looking at me a bit funny'... Was in traction for three weeks, pissing in a bottle... Wanking when you're on morphine is ace, but not being able to reach your cock because your arms are in plaster is a fucking nightmare.

AND

Navy Rum - on my 30th went out with my then girlfriend and her family. Drank a shitload of this stuff. Ended up snogging my then girlfriend's mum in the pub toilets, kneeding her huge doughy breasts like I was planning on opening my own bakery.

I'm not a bad man...

But maybe I should steer clear of pubs in the future???

At this rate they'll be fuck all left for me to drink except mineral water...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 16:42, 8 replies)

Reading that,
I suspect that mineral water is what you should stick to... ;)

You do know there is a train of thought that Alcohol does NOT make you do stupid things. It simply just lowers your inhibitions to a point you act on all the impulses you REALLY want to do but normally wouldn't... So how is it going with the sheep-thing?
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 16:54, closed)

Awesome...

The more of your posts that I read, the more I feel that you are somehow like my evil twin...

Alcoholism - check
Lifetime of mishaps - check
Sexual Deviance - check-a-doodle-do

When did you leave Coventry again?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 6 Feb 2009, 17:05, closed)

I can drink most things
But not Pimms. Not now, not ever.


Downing half a bottle neat the first time I ever got properly drunk (and the subsequent hangover) mean that I feel sick even thinking about the stuff.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 22:53, closed)

Ahhh
I seem to share a pattern here, having woken up being involved in all sorts of weird 3 and 4 somes at best.... I once woke up dangling over the bannisters 4 stories up and half naked... and sooo many other times. I drink a lot less now, but still carry a reputation..
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 23:28, closed)

A reputation for overusing ellipses?
:)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 7 Feb 2009, 8:06, closed)

heeheehee
hee
(Errin C, Sat 7 Feb 2009, 17:24, closed)

You should probably stay clear of...
Absinthe.
( snee held his breath since, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 12:51, closed)

Fuck me!!!
I have had absinthe... and I have absolutely no idea what the fuck I did that night. Its an absolute blank. Just hope I didnt leave my DNA anywhere its not supposed to be.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:20, closed)