Inspired by the QOTW
my friend and I have been telling each other jokes but ruining the punchline by being too literal.

Par example...

I’ve got a dog with no nose.
How does he smell?
He can't due to the lack of basic olfactory processes as you and I take for granted, really.

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Around midday if it’s south Africa; the heat really gets to them and they need to rest.

How do you get four elephants in a mini?

Clearly you can’t. The average African elephant is around 12 feet tall and weighs 12,000 lbs, whereas the interior of a mini is roughly 120 x 55 x 53 inches. You would need some kind of long wheelbase van with a spacious interior, and even then you may struggle to get more than one pachyderm in there.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Doctor.
Oh, hello Doctor, come on in, I was wondering where you’d got to.

How do you get down from an elephant?
Carefully. It’s a long way up and it’s easy to turn your ankle, particularly if dismounting onto an uneven surface.

Two men walk into a pub, one turns to the other and says “your round”. His friend responds “certainly, pint of lager is it?” thus avoiding a potentially hilarious homophone-based misunderstanding where one of the gentlemen thinks that his body shape is being criticized.

How do you kill a circus?

The most effective way would be to cut all marketing and promotional spend, thus collapsing any potential for reaching new audiences. That, coupled with overpriced tickets and a weak performance, would most likely see the financial ‘death’ of such an entertainment medium in a matter of months.


I don't know why (possibly the residual hangover and the excess sugar making me hysterical) but some of these are making me laugh till wee comes out. God, I'm easily amused these days...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 15:11, 8 replies)

I like
But the pedant in me wants to suggest pachyderm as an alternative potentially-less-likely-to-cause-accusation-of-racism spelling.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 15:18, closed)

fixed
fuck me, thanks for spotting that...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 15:21, closed)

.
Whilst I did chuckle, and am giving you a click *click*, surely the first answer should be that he can't, because he lacks the basic olfactory processes as you and I?
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Fri 6 Mar 2009, 15:20, closed)

and
fixed. thanks pedants!
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 15:23, closed)

You're welcome!
:-)
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Fri 6 Mar 2009, 15:25, closed)

I love stuff like this
Nice one Rak.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Mar 2009, 16:22, closed)

Echoes of Bill Bailey...
I heard his dry delivery all through that post.
(PerspexAvenger, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 18:06, closed)

This post
has inspired me to post this.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 1:40, closed)