A friend of mine
is in the Secret Service. Recently, he was based over in Iraq. He saw some pretty fucked up shit.

I remember when he first came back from his tour, he was shaking and he looked at me with a whimsical smile. I could see a glassy look in his eye. Only one thing for it: pub.

We were sat in our local for a ages, talking about football, movies, who you'd most like to fuck out of the Spice Girls (still a favorite, all these years later).

Eventually, seeing my mate's demenour alter, seeing him relax, I ventured: "Do you want to talk about it... You know, about Iraq?"

He shook his head, put his head in his hands for a moment, and breathed a heavy breath. He picked up his pint and said: "It was fucking horrible over there."

"Lot's of killing and torture, that sort of shit?" I asked - never really knew when to shut up, me.

My mate shook his head, "No. I was based somewhere on the coast where it was pretty easy going. Spent most of the time in the sea and chasing the ladies round. No," my mate shook his head and sighed a protracted sigh. "There was this fella there, another Secret Service officer..."

"Go on," I urged.

And my mate downed his pint, slammed the glass on the table and said: "Well, he kept telling these awful fucking puns. I mean constantly.... If I ever hear anyone mention 'one pun in ten', or some shit about inverness caledonian thistle beating celtic, or some accountant working shit out of their arse with a pencil, well," and he looked at me with a look of absolute serenity. "I'll fucking murder 'um."

You have been warned...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 14:53, 9 replies)

fuckin wicked
mate *click*
(Errin C, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 14:54, closed)

I said the same thing earlier
only not as well as this, Mr Hanky - well done!
(Save Us All !!!, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 14:55, closed)

Incidentally, I know it's not the most popular choice...

but Geri Halliwell.

In the Union Jack Dress - not when she went all skinny.

Oh, and great post!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 10 Mar 2009, 14:57, closed)

Sporty Spice
What can I say? Chavs drive me fucking wild.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 15:02, closed)

This friend of yours...
is he local? How long will it take him to get over here? - clicks -
(Grrrrr Tigers, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 15:00, closed)

I know how he feels
This is the longest week in B3ta history. I could murder someone myself right now.

But then I'd end up spending life in the punitentiary.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 15:22, closed)

GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 10 Mar 2009, 15:31, closed)

oohhh...
then you'd end up doing a stretch in Federal "pun me in the ass" prison






/gets coat from office space
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 10 Mar 2009, 15:45, closed)

That'll be me then
sorry.
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 22:39, closed)