Village Fate
Nice and sunny, pimms and lemonade, the blue rinse brigade are out in full force.

There's a best pet competition in full swing.

One of the old dears has got a fucking huge rotweiller, snarling and snapping at passersby. She looks over to the elderly gentleman sat next to her. He has a rather splendid looking fowl in a cage. The bird starts clucking away.

The old lady with the dog tuts: "That cock will be swallowed whole if it goes anywhere near my Growler." and she pats her doggy on the head and continues eating her cream scone.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:59, 7 replies)

Oh, how I wish...

That they were still making 'Carry On' Movies.

Then you, sir, would have a scriptwriting job for life!

I hope that the lady in your post is named something like 'Mrs Oldsnatch' and that she also has a pet cat...or a pussy if you will...

...called something like 'Fanny'

...or 'cunty minge-flaps'
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:26, closed)

When I was a kid my ancient next door neighbour
had a dog named Cock. That is true. He would often be heard shouting Cock! out his back door.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:29, closed)

*Digs up old story*...

Actually, 'Pooflake' is my cat's name. One of the reasons I named him was to cause additional embarrassment* to the long-suffering present Mrs PF...so she would have to shout 'Pooflake' out of the kitchen door every night.

Oh, How I laughed.

*As if it wasn't bad enough just being married to me...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:41, closed)

I'm trying for a baby now with the Mrs.
Apparently I have been banned from naming any future child.

I still think Formica is a lovely name for a girl though...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:44, closed)

Hehe...
I have 2 sons, and TPMPF allowed me to name the first. I suggested 'Jack' and she agreed!

I forgot to mention that I named him after the Scrumpy that I was leathered on when he was conceived...

But as for animals, there are no limits.

So far my names for animals have included:

'Pope John Paul II' (Upgraded to Jesus Christ after he survived a potentially fatal accident - there's a post about that somewhere)
'Alan' (after Shearer - long story)
'The Intense Humming Of Evil' (longer story)
'Flash...AAAHHH! - King of the impossible'
'Plebian'
& 'Gertbucket squat-thrust'

TPMPF has since felt the need to resolve me of anything that requires creative thinking or responsibility.

Quite right too. I think it's for the good of mankind that I am never.allowed.to.do.anything.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:03, closed)

When I was a kid I had two tortoises
I named one Argos and the other Index.

I had some goldfish too; named Radiator, Lightbulb, Sink, Carpet, and Tyson (after Mike): Tyson was a big black fucker... The fish, that is... and the man, I suppose.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:17, closed)

Please please please
Explain "The Intense Humming of Evil".
Long as it may be, it can't be worse than most of this QoTW.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:53, closed)