I like the story about Winston Churchill.
In the Commons, a female MP accused him of being drunk. He replied well, you're ugly, but at least I shall be sober in the morning.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:19, 16 replies)

I was wondering when someone was going to post this...

(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:21, closed)

Also his other famous one:
"If I was your wife, I'd poison your tea"
"Madam, if I was your husband, I'd drink it"
( prince-igor si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 11:10, closed)

Twas Bessie Braddock, I think
Braddock: "Winston, you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk."
Churchill: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:23, closed)

My favourite Churchill retort
comes from a story in which someone witnessed him leaving the toilets in the House of Commons.
"At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet," said this other person. Churchill turned around and replied, "At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands."
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:26, closed)

I've heard that before
but between a soldier and a marine. Nice to know where it's actually from! :D
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:29, closed)

I've never really understood that as a 'comeback'. It's more an admission of being a dirty bastard.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:38, closed)

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
From here.

www.quotationspage.com/search.php3?homesearch=churchill&page=2

Edit, although this doesn't really stand up to racial analysis.
"I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colours. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns".
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:36, closed)

I bet if Cameron staggered in to work drunk and insulted a female colleague like this
all these pinkos would be up in arms.

It's political correctness gone mad, I tells ya.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:36, closed)

He only has to say "Calm down, dear" and they throw a wobbly

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:42, closed)

It's almost as if belittling women is somehow "wrong"
or so the Guardian-reading fascistas would have you believe.

I remember when 'calm-down-dear-gate' happened, I thought:
"At long last! The government is finally starting to bring the life and work of the great Michael Winner into the political arena. Hopefully this is just the beginning, and the Tory party will soon reorganise the justice system to reflect the moral sentinments of the Death Wish movies."

But you know the liberal media, they just take any harmless old story and spin it - it's disgusting.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 10:18, closed)

Hahaha
Loving your work.
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:18, closed)

If Cameron staggered into work drunk and insulted a female colleague
My respect for him would go up a thousand fold. All the way up to contempt.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:42, closed)

Unrelated, but not worth it's own post
There's an exchange from Facebook floating around, goes something like:

1. Blah blah blah, something nasty.
2. 'You're an idiot'
1. 'No, YOU're an idiot'
2. 'Look, If I wanted my own come-back, I'd wipe it off your mothers chin'
(username failed moderation, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 9:45, closed)

I like this
and shall be using it should the opportunity ever arise.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 11:23, closed)

x2
.
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:17, closed)

Lord George Brown
Noticed as (the by then very old) Winston Churchill left the Gentleman's toilets in The Houses of Parliament, that he had forgotten to do up his flies. When he pointed it out to him Winston replied "Thank you for telling me George, however a dead bird rarely if ever escapes from it's nest!"
(Mackeson_drinker, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:10, closed)