We've all done stuff...
I've done some stuff in my time. You may have done things or maybe, if you're of the ethnic persuasion, shizzle, or maybe ting.

Tell us about a time you did a thing! It'll be riveting, everyone will think you are COOL and /talk will get jealous.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 5 Apr 2009, 21:37, Reply)

21st century kitsch
I really hate Andean pipe players - they're like little brown Richard Claydermans peeping out Abba hits to silly old women and chavs who think they're listening to something culturally authentic.
What else is hatefully kitschy in the 21st century?
(mudskipper, Sun 5 Apr 2009, 3:27, Reply)

Post holiday grumpiness
I had a lovely three weeks off in New Zealand, so I was nice and relaxed, carefree even.

Before departing Blighty, I requested that I had the first morning back free to go through emails and check my jobs, which was duly booked.

Some bugger then had booked two jobs in cocking Stevenage and then on another frickin' Horsham.

My good humour lasted 35 minutes and I was a right grumpy bastard for the week.

How long did it take you to become a humourless grumpy bastard/bitch after a return from holiday and why?
(CdrVimes, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 17:50, Reply)

Your earliest memories
I was 3 and a half years old when my sister was born. I remember quite clearly her being brought home in a cardboard box. I'm sure the box was placed on the floor, I looked into it, decided I didn't like what I saw and asked for another sweet.

What are your earliest memories?
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 15:51, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For the love of Christ and all that's holy
Can we please, please, please not have another load of fetid donkeywank as a question this week?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 3 Apr 2009, 10:05, Reply)

I like cheese
From Bavarian smoked to a nice Leicestershire, I like cheese.

Why don't the moderators ask us to write about all our amusing anecdotes about cheeses?

_{* Doesn't actually like cheese that much.}
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 3 Apr 2009, 9:33, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I once bought a newspaper and the print rubbed off on my hand
Tell us all about it, maybe we can make this one stretch to two weeks of endless, well crafted mirth?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 3 Apr 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Watching Paint Dry
Which type of paint do you prefer when watching it dry? Oil based or latex.

Post amusing anecdotes from said activity.
(barrycounty, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 22:58, Reply)

Fetishes
Everyone has a friend that seems to like feet a bit too much...
And everyone has had a quick look at some type of porn including beastiality/ fisting/ Japanese school girls peeing on eachother...
So are you brave enough to tell us tales of what makes you moist and eager to hump?

Considering some of the things you people talk about, you may aswell have a question on it.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 19:20, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

On b3ta,
be it image challenge response, QOTW answer or some other hilarious creation, which made you join and become hooked?
Nostalgically pearoast away!!!!
(Sir General ***WoW***, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 19:10, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Reckless
When I was younger, around 17 or 18, I used to smoke joints up the back of a crowded pub with my layabout mates (this was when smoking in pubs wasn't outright banned - also when cannabis was still a Class B substance). We didn't consider the consequences of being caught - we were young, reckless, and considered ourselves immortal.

So, what's the most reckless you've ever been? Tell us, so we may judge you...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 17:07, Reply)

Holidays
We all have them, don't we?

Tell us all the best, worst or just plain weird bits from your holidays.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Random Acts of Destruction
I've just spent the last half hour pulling bits off a photocopier at work trying to fix a paper misfeed. Apparently I've completely fucked it. Killed it dead. My boss is ever-so-slightly pissed off with me.

Tell us about your random acts of destruction.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 15:37, Reply)

What's the best thing about being an adult?

As a kid, I would have been allowed 2 or maybe 3 jaffa cakes at one time.

I just ate two whole packs and am feeling rather smug.

I like the fact that as an adult, if I want a weekly shop to consist of nothing but chicken kievs, crinkly chips and cherry coke, then that's what it will be.
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 14:43, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Unemployment
I've been out of work for a while now...not good, not good at all.

However, every cloud must (must !) have a silver lining.

Tell us your stories of unemployment - depths you've sunk to, cheap activities discovered, steps taken to remedy the situation.

There must be some humour out there somewhere to be had from this...
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 11:44, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Strange dates
A while back I went on a date with a (male) psychiatric nurse - well spoken, well educated, clean, pleasant - he ticked all the right boxes, hell, he was even passably attractive. However, halfway through the date he stopped talking, sat back looked at me and said, "Being with you is like being slapped in the face"

I didn't see him again.

And don't even get me started on Speed Dating.
And internet dating.

So, we've all dated oddballs, share your tales of strange dates.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 11:30, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A subject I have had much experience in...
Mean, terrible, incredibly stupid teachers. I have got a treasure trove of stories for this one.
(mariam67, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 2:40, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Hilarious diseases
I recently developed yet another bout of Bell's Palsy, a disease whereby half your face refuses to respond to commands, like other palsies, only a lot less diseasy and a lot more hilarious - rendering me unable to wink my right eye, smile without looking like a Bond Villain, drink any substance without dribbling it and, worst of all, talk without sounding like a child's stereotype of the disabled.

What quite frankly hilarious diseases have you contracted? Points awarded for tastefully (or not so tastefully) making light of a personal trial or tribulation.

Mnell'th Malthyyyy! Mlarrr!
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Thu 2 Apr 2009, 1:07, Reply)

Are you insane?
Are you outta your mind? Do you baulk at the concept of sanity? If so b3ta needs people like you. Go on, sign up for an account today. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Apr 2009, 0:18, Reply)

Arse..!
In, out, or shake it all about.

What stories have you got to tell us that directly involves your arse?

Mine's been in a fair few scrapes I can tell you.

...and the thing is...unlike the 'penis' qotw, this is one we can all get involved in!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 1 Apr 2009, 23:43, Reply)

How many times do we have to ask: Threesome Stories!!
(Although most stories would just be fantasy except for CHCB).



I know, I know, I keep repeating myself but I want to hear her stories, and no, she doesn't need a restraining order against me. I am on the other side of the Atlantic
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 1 Apr 2009, 17:59, Reply)

Have you ever gone to the shops and discovered they've run out of creme fraiche?
Go on mods... This one is wanky enough to be picked for next week.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 1 Apr 2009, 13:43, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tis the season
For an April Fools QOTW, what have you fallen for what jokes of yours have other people fallen for? Has anybody ever mistaken something you've done for an April Fools and refused to believe otherwise?
(Banjax, Wed 1 Apr 2009, 12:49, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I predict a riot!
I'm currently sat in my office overlooking Trafalgar Square while the leaders of the twenty wankiest richest countries meet to discuss how to glue the wheels back onto capitalism, so it's fair to say I'm looking forward to watching the angry crusties vs Met Polis style fisticuffs later.

What acts of protest have you ever partaken in?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 1 Apr 2009, 11:18, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pranks?
A slight deviation from PJM's suggestion, what pranks have you played on people?

Or has it bindun?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 1 Apr 2009, 11:13, Reply)

Fooled
As a ten year old watching That's Life I was once convinced that a hairy creature called a Lirpa Loof that produced purple Richard The Thirds was the star attraction at London Zoo.

What moments of fuckwittage have you fallen victim to?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 1 Apr 2009, 10:42, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Art
A few weeks ago I was dragged to a gallery on the Southbank to see some pictures of paint splattered on bits of canvas. God, it was dull. I overheard one of the posh twats say: "The remarkable thing is that she held the brush in her vagina. It really gives her work a feral quality." I felt like telling these people about the stipper with the lipstick who played naughts and crosses on a fellas chest in a club in Florida I was in once, but thought better of it.

Art - what the fuck is all that about, ehh?
( SpankyHanky, Wed 1 Apr 2009, 10:00, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Leisure
We know what you fuckers get up to at work. Now tell us about your leisuretime. Do you dress up as a wizard and hit an accountant over the head with a sword? Are you a stalker? Do you like to shoplift?

How do you fill in those long hours of leisure?
( SpankyHanky, Wed 1 Apr 2009, 9:29, 1 reply, 16 years ago)