Hospitals
Hospitals, doctors and nurses change lives. Tell us about your experiences with hospitals and medical care.
( sutit only the crumbliest, flakiest posts, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:05, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Trick or Treat
A friend of mine used to give trick or treaters a slice of bread and tell them not to eat it all once. His garden would be full of discarded hovis in the morning, but it was apparently worth it to see the look on the little fuckers faces.

Sure you guys have had better experiences administering or receiving tricks and treats?
( Muns, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:12, Reply)

When did you realise you had grown up?
or do you still have your childish things scatterd on the bedroom floor.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 8:42, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Bring back hanging.
The courts today are all soft. Prisons are like bloody five-star holiday camps, with a bloody colour telly in every cell.
We need to send a strong message to murderers.
Last time we had hanging, there was no murders at all anymore.
And that's why we got rid of it.
It's time to bring it back now, though, I reckon.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Thu 3 Nov 2011, 6:56, Reply)

The weather
What's it like where you are? What's it supposed to be like tomorrow? We all like talking about the weather right?
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 3:28, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Lifts
I once called the lift in halls and the doors opened to reveal 3 drunk girls having a piss. One of them had also dun a poo.
Considering that I was living on the 17th floor of a tower block this was pretty fucking antisocial of them.

What fun stories about lifts do you have?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 22:36, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

My brother when he was young wanted to be grown up so he could touch lightbulbs.
What did you want to do/be when you grew up?
( BindiBaji, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 18:50, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Racist bland paper?
or

Spacey sand parents?

(either).
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Subtle justice.
Tell us about a time when you've either justifiably dropped someone in the shit without anyone knowing it was you, or just got petty revenge. Either way, stealth is key here.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Trampolines.
Trampolines are ace. Tell us your funny stories about trampolines. Or pogo sticks. Or bouncey castles.
Or them shoes with the massive springs on them.
Funny stories though. Not lies about having sex on them.
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 14:02, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

double standards
a friend of mine is all against bonfire night and din particular the celebration of the burning of the effergy of guy fawkes.
I asked him if he was a church goes and he said yes, so in the interest of starting a full blown argument i simply told him that he was a hypocrite, for wanting the burning banned but also for celebrating the crossifuction of jebus of nazareth who i thought played in the eagles but that is a different argument

so let the religious riots begin or some other drivel
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 13:16, 4 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Down wiv da kidz.
We had a friend and her husband over a couple of years ago for drinks. The next day, my mother-in-law called in with some stuff and enquired as to whether we'd had a good night by asking if we'd all got spackered, thinking she was using the latest vernacular to describe getting a bit squiffy. My friend has cerebal palsy. I wanted the ground to open up.

When have you witnessed the older generation trying to be hip and getting it fist-swallowingly wrong?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 2 Nov 2011, 12:43, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Can I have a cuddle please?

(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Racist grand pianos.
I had a grand piano once. But it kept all the black keys on a seperate shanty keyboard and made them pick cotton or something.
I don't know.
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I dun a flounce.
Tell us a story about YOU doing a massive flounce in a real life situation and feeling like a prick afterwards. YOU. Not someone else. YOU. Because, let's face it; you are a massive blubbery flouncing prick. Yes you are. Stop flouncing about it and tell us your flouncing story. That funny one you are ashamed of. You prick.
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I have lots of luck. Some of it good.
Tell us about the time that you took a risk and amazingly, against all odds and experience, it actually worked. Lady Luck was smiling on you and Fate was on your side - for a change.

Or, conversely, the moment an icy hand gripped your spine as you realised that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong with your carefully laid plans: once more the dice had rolled the wrong way and the gods had opened their bowels onto the duvet of your life.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 10:33, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Codes
We all have codes of behaviour. Morals, ethics, standards. But what are your's, and your friends, unwritten codes of behaviour?

With my mob it was acting as a "wingman" to engage the ugly girl while the "fighter" went in to take out the main target.

And don't give me any sexism shit as I know that girls do *exactly* the same. Take a hit for the team.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 8:36, Reply)

if personality horse was a person what sort of mental problems would he/she have?
would it be bipolar?
or maybe schizophrenic, or just simply retarded window licking ?

what other issues could you thnk of and include the hilarious results
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 2 Nov 2011, 7:55, Reply)

Sexist Grandparents
My Pop refused to let my Nanna seek paid employment, insisting that her place was in the kitchen. Any resistance on her part was met by his fists.
He did however allow her to volunteer her time cleaning the local catholic church (so the priest didn't have to deplete his altar-boy grooming funds to hire a cleaner). Because he was a fucking christian, that's why. And a war hero, too.

This sexism has not affected my own employment prospects, but I still feel entitled to bitterly oppose any mention of sexism that anyone might make.

And just you cunts go and try to make something funny out of this offensiveness and pain. You will have never seen a flounce like it.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Wed 2 Nov 2011, 6:43, Reply)

Paedo Grandparents?

(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 21:27, Reply)

Racist children?

(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Secret swearing.
Swearing at people but without them knowing. Because, basically, you're scared. Nothing wrong with that. We all get scared sometimes. Except me. I'm brilliant.
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:54, 9 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Your b3ta Experience.
Tell us how you found b3ta, and why.
How long have you stuck it out?
What about it pisses you off, and if that is the case, what coping mechanisms have you developed?
What could you Not Live Without?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 1 Nov 2011, 5:52, Reply)

Getting old
The first time I went to a club without caring what I wore, was the day I turned old. Now I get up bright and early when once I used to go bed at dawn.

When did you realise you were old?
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 23:33, 4 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Injured animals.
I saw a magpipe with a broken wing using a zebra crossing once.
It was monochromatically pleasing. And involved an injured animal. I was made up.
Does anyone have a FUNNY STORY about an injured animal?
I dunno. Something like a horse with all it's legs in plaster so it looks like a cunt or something.
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 11:48, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Hypocrisy
We're all guilty of being a bit hypocritical from time to time (or constantly, if you're Nick Clegg ROFLOLOLOL satire). Tell us stories of your (or someone else's, if you're not into the whole 'self-realisation' thing) double standards and self-deception. Extra points for moaning about internet bullies, then going on to attack someone else online for absolutely no reason. After all, we've got to make Legless feel good about himself somehow

Edit: On second thoughts, no we don't - he seems to manage that all by himself. What I wouldn't give for that man's (misplaced) self-belief
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:29, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

"My husband's mad Auntie JMG accused the man seven doors down of stealing her Maddie as he was the first ginger neighbour she had. She doesn't even get her Maddie delivered." Tell us about casual gingerism from b3tans.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 20:32, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Love in an elevator
Where is the oddest or most unusual place you have had sex. 'The armpit' is not an acceptable answer.
(Smale is stuffed, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 9:04, 1 reply, 13 years ago)