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This is a question World of Random

There's a pile of scrap timber, rubble and general turds in the road opposite my work with a hand-written sign reading "Free Shed". Tell us about random, completely hatstand stuff and people you've seen

Suggested by Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic

(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:38)
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Bognor Station
As a train arrived, the tannoy spake thusly:

"British Rail would like to inform passengers that the train arriving on platform one is on fire. You are advised not to join this service".

I love the "advised" -- the final decision is, of course, up to you.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 15:52, 7 replies)
That's quite brilliant

(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 15:55, closed)
I like the calmness of the announcement....
Would have been a lot better with the thud of the microphone hitting the floor and a feedback screach punctuated by footsteps getting faster and ever more distant.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 16:45, closed)
My favourite tannoy announcement; (Spoken in broad Jamaican accent)
"Due to an incident at Victoria, dis train ain't goin nowhere for a long while!"
(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 16:49, closed)
Others I genuinely heard
On a particularly grim day at Portsmouth and Southsea:

"The next train to arrive on platform 1 will be the 14:20 from London Waterloo, and apparently it's pissing down there, too."

"British Rail would like to advise passengers not to feed the pigeons, as there's a danger you might cheer them up."

I think he was not having a good announcer day.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 17:02, closed)
I live in Bognor and use the station all the time
I genuinely heard once:
"could the platform attendant please stand by with the ramp for the incoming disabled person. Raspberry ripple!"
My wife and I looked at each other and wrote it off as imagining it. Weird!
(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 20:29, closed)
Rhyming slang?
Is raspberry ripple rhyming slang for cripple?
(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 20:43, closed)
Most definitely! That's what made it funny and unpalatable at the same time.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 21:10, closed)

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