b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Crappy relationships » Post 935305 | Search
This is a question Crappy relationships

"Recently," Broken Arrow tells us, "The missus informed me that her brother was moving with us." What has your partner done that's convinced you the magic's gone? "Breathe" is not an answer.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:33)
Pages: Popular, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

« Go Back

So I was a punkish, gothish, borderline crusty, and was going out with a girl of similar discourse.
I make no apologies - I was a teenager, and teenagers are stupid.

Being our anarcho-crusty selves, much of our time was spent smoking cannabis, listening to music, having deep conversations about The System, and trying to flirt with each other without being politically incorrect.

Now, I love to give girls head. I know guys who don't. I think such guys are wrong and probably gay. I absolutely love it, and will jump at the chance.

So one afternoon, the girlfriend and I woke up in the sleeping bag on the mattress on the floor of the room, and started to get a bit intimate.

And as it progressed, so did I in a downward fashion.

Can I presume most of us here know what a Zippo lighter is? If you don't, they're the windproof cigarette lighters you see the Sherman troops use in WWII films. The lid is an 1 x 0.5" rectangle. Of course I had one - ex/pseudo-military kit is uniform for us perveyors of counterculture.

She was a very attractive girl - I quite like hippy chicks - but hadn't had the chance to wash for a few days.

So imagine how I felt, as I got down to my intended goal, to find a lump of greasy green mucus, the size - and the shape - of the lid of my Zippo lighter.

The moment - and with it, much of the relationship - died on the vine there and then.

Shallow? Moi? You bet.
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 9:38, 12 replies)
Does lose the magic when you have to drag them to a shower/b-day beforehand.
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 10:09, closed)
Have you ever been able to use a Zippo since?

(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 10:14, closed)
flirt with each other without being politically incorrect. ???
Unless you have torrets I wonder how this a problem?

Shall I compare thee to a summer's (kill jews) day? Thou art more lovely (black bastard) and more temperate. Rough winds do shake (women are whores) the darling buds of May, And summer's lease (white fat shite scum honkie fuck sacks) hath all too short a date.
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 10:28, closed)
I think you'll find that pandering to the subjugation of women as the chattels and playthings of a male-dominated hegemony of oppression through use of gender-reinforcing stereotypes and expectations
Doesn't go down too well with some hippies.
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 10:51, closed)
"You're really pretty, I'd love to see you naked"
"How DARE you subjugate me, I am not merely a toy for you to dominate!"

Yep, best off out of that one, especially with her chastity zippo...
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 10:57, closed)
"You know that the system creates an illusion of wealth in order to instill competition in the workforce and thus to perpetuate the production of capital for the privelidged few?"

"That's nice, dear - now why don't you come over here and suck my cock."
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 11:00, closed)
Sonnet XVIII
I just LOVE knowing that Sonnet was written to and about a bloke!
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 13:17, closed)
[citation needed]

(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 13:36, closed)
you should have taken a zippo in there for comparison
so if you go down, you go down in flames
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 11:53, closed)
a friend of a friend had a similar encounter years ago,
After getting the good ol' head from the bird he was seeing, he thought he would be a gentleman and return the oral favour.

Upon 'clearing a path' a 2 inch long sausage of what he described as, and I quote, "c*nt custard" slowly crept out.

The relationship didn't last long after that
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 12:42, closed)
Fuck me.
I'm going to be sick.

Seriously, it takes a lot to get my stomach churning so thank god my wife isn't a genuinely dirty bitch like these munters.
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 14:43, closed)
Seriously dude
I dry-heaved and LOLed at that. An interesting sensation.
(, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 15:57, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Popular, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1