Luck of the drunks
When I was a young lad I lived in a suburb of Bristol. One beautiful summers day me and my mates decided to not go for a drink in the local pubs but to walk to a pub some way away because it had a huge and lovely garden. The walk to this garden of beerden was made a lot shorter by crossing a field of cows. We picked our way carefully through the million and one cow-pats that covered this field.

We arrived at the pub We drank a great deal in the sunshine. We stayed until closing time. We got very very drunk. We then took the same shortcut to get home. Only this time we staggered. We fell and we ran and fought through the field of shit yet when we got home not one of our group (there was about 10 of us) had even the tiniest bit of cow-flop on our shoes or clothes.
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:10, 68 replies)

You went for a walk?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:51, closed)

AND got drunk.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:15, closed)

I am surprised
Danny Boyle hasn't bought the film rights to this story.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:22, closed)

oh noes

I haz angered the self appointed quality monitors of the QOTW board.

I'll be in the newsletter again when the question isn't shit :P
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:30, closed)

Who's angry?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:31, closed)

sorry
rattled the cages of the self appointed...
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:42, closed)

That pair are right fucking wankers
I loved your story
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:50, closed)

Rory hates me!
I finally feel validated. I have arrived.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:51, closed)

You disgust me, this guys been here for eight and a half years, and you think it's cool to run him out of town labelled as 'Boring'
I hope you fall under a bus, today if possible!!!
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:55, closed)

Bless, do you need a lie down?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:56, closed)

Maybe after I have this tea

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:57, closed)

butt kissing mr lyon?

( Trollman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:14, closed)

Who the fuck are you knobhead?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:17, closed)

yo momma, now stop dribbling and come eat your lunch.
( Trollman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:22, closed)

Oh dear, it's comedy time on QOTW

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:25, closed)

Pissed off 'cos your dad gets more pussy than you.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:55, closed)

This is another attempt to get me to mount your mum again isn't it?
Look even though it's free for me I'm still not interested.

Cheers
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:57, closed)

Awww Rory, why so stressed?
Job center closed again?
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:09, closed)

You fucking imbecile why would the job centre be shut on a week day?
See the thing that you're using right now, right that's called the internet, the job centre also post joblistings 'online'. I post several vacancies when I need to employ drop kicks like you on a temp basis, you're generally too stupid to ever consider taking on as a permanent.

Hope this helps, cheers xxx
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:16, closed)

Oi turd boy.
You seem to know the workings of it so well.

Are you still living the fantasy that you are a corporate bigwig working for some go getting company. Take your medication and the dreams to reality balance is restored old chap.

old chap Fuckstain
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:20, closed)

You are so easy to enrage Rory,
you penis.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:21, closed)

arf
( Trollman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:23, closed)

Yes, the medications have given me a stunning insight into the inner workings of Job Centre, such as knowing about 'weekdays' and 'online advertising'
If there's anyone here without their boo-hoo medications today it's you Turtle bwoi
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:24, closed)

rory
you can't even have a decent discussion without veins popping out in your neck when you type. No wonder people on here pity you.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:29, closed)

You need to leave your house, get a job, that should help
jobseekers.direct.gov.uk/homepage.aspx?sessionid=3ca52f64-4feb-4cb9-b538-e062272f76e4&pid=4
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:30, closed)

Ssh!
He's a comedy genius. He even took the trouble to type 'bwoi' and everything.

Picture him getting right up in your face and saying it, go on, I defy you not to giggle.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:31, closed)

I preferred you drunk and crying online :(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:33, closed)

So you DO know who I am!
I am so flattered. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:35, closed)

Wahh Waah Whinge Me drunk Blub Blub Blub
Being that pathetic tends to make you somewhat noticeable
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:37, closed)

Well, we making a smashing couple then don't we darling.
x
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:38, closed)

Dunno, you'd get on my tits, forever 'watering down' the drinks cabinet, and shouting angry at the passing cars having pissed yourself
No offence, I'm sure you're lovely really, it just wouldn't work out.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:42, closed)

Bloody hell
You actually made me laugh intentionally for once.

This has all been worthwhile after all.

Well, it's been a blast lover, but I best get back to work.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:46, closed)

No.
It's a Guns n' Roses lyric.

I figured a teenage lad like you would like righteous hard rock lyrics.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:32, closed)

Chill, baby.
I'm just having a laugh.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:54, closed)

i wasn't exactly being serious
I used lolcatz speech ffs ;)

anyroad I know it was shit and there were no roads and very little interest but hey it sparked off a Vag V's Rory L fight so not a total loss

:P
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:08, closed)

Rory is the feather weight of the trolling world.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:10, closed)

he's not real though is he?
he's an alt-account, a made up idiot, shurrly?
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:33, closed)

You are probably right SD
Although I couldn't imagine anyone being so boring with a Alt Account.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:39, closed)

Yes, you are right
I am angered. i'm furious that you dare waste my time with your inane story . I can barely stop shaking with rage. My ire is such that I am literally stabbing my keyboard with my fingers to type this.

Oh, wait, no I'm not.

I just made a passing comment on a dull story.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:45, closed)

phooy
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

Lets have your road trip story full of excitment and ...stuff :P
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:12, closed)

Well I'm not denying I've told some dull stories, here in my time.
But you are welcome to look back through the tiny amount of pages that make up this weeks answers and pass your own judgement on my couple of contributions.

edit: In fact, I'll save you the hardship

www.b3ta.com/questions/roadtrip/post1280697

www.b3ta.com/questions/roadtrip/post1280817
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:14, closed)

Fucking crap, why would anyone bother reading something with so many line breaks?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:19, closed)

Oh, hi!
you're still here! How positively adorable.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:22, closed)

Are you being ignored in talk again rory?
( Trollman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:23, closed)

What?
Shouldn't you be off changing incontinence pads and coping a quick feel of your gran again
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:29, closed)

Shouldn't you be signing on today or is it time for hanging around the school gates rory?

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:30, closed)

You're a real angry one ain't ya. Stupid and angry rarely come off well.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:32, closed)

Blah blah rory
looks like as usual you have fuck all to say. Dr Shambolic and AB are good trolls because they use their brains and not just type the first thing that comes into their heads like you do. The main retort you seem to use is the ones used in school at age 4.

Grow a dick ballbag.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:37, closed)

And try and smile a bit that might help with your anger management problems.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:37, closed)

You watch far too much American tv during your long days off 'jobseeking'
I have no idea what that last sentence means
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:40, closed)

Try looking at a Dictionary for help on the words in the last sentence.
Listen give it up rory baby, you are not cut out for this trolling lark.

Maybe you would be better making pictures for the Main Board.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:47, closed)

And yet you keep coming back for more

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:50, closed)

I just like to see you flip,
it's like playing pop up pirate or buckaroo, any minute now rory will hulk out.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:51, closed)

Rory Smash.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:54, closed)

office lolz

( Trollman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 16:09, closed)

Needs more road.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:47, closed)

So you walked across the field naked, then?

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:54, closed)

You should have driven across this field
In your brand new Honda Accord
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:52, closed)

You were drunk in a field of cow pats...
And you didn't push at least one of your
mates over into the cow poo?
(dyllon nice beaver., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 16:26, closed)

it was dark and we forgot about the shit till we were through it
there were pushes & fights and general twatery associated with a group of young lads on the piss but we came through unscathed.

I felt this was at least a bit interesting but aparently not ;)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 16:40, closed)

I'm shit at this 'being mean to stories' lark
I always end up feeling guilty. It was just a throwaway comment. Then the Danny Boyle thing was just building on Vag's response. After that I was just poking Rory with a stick because...well...it's fun to poke Rory with a stick.

The story was perfectly innoffensive and harmless. And I've liked a lot of your stories in the past.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 16:51, closed)

I liked his story, proper three act stuff, ending in a powerful and thought provoking manner.
I mean by what probabilities did they ALL manage to avoid stepping in cow faeces, which deity was smiling upon them that particular day. Fuck, if that had been a minefield in Afghanistan we'd be looking at a Pulitzer Prize story. This guy would OWN QOTW.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 17:02, closed)

Haaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha
I fucking love you, Rory.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 8:43, closed)

*hands scarpe a pointy stick*

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 18:24, closed)

I appreciate the serendipity of the lack of pat contact
and as long as there was some general twatery I thoroughly approve.
(dyllon nice beaver., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 0:21, closed)

your tale was so-so sittingduck
but rory vs. the world fucking rocked - thanks!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 18:06, closed)

63 replies? All of them flaming the shit out of each other?
Is Youtube out of action at the minute or something?
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 18:22, closed)

Mumsnet
Is over there *points*
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 18:32, closed)