carbon dioxide
So, I asked for an apprenticeship at a place where I had been employed, everything was good, had a good 3 and a half years, did some stupid stuff with acetylene, had a mate swing me 4 metres in the air on a crane just for laughs, this was before all those safety ( can't get a job fucktards) entered our lives and had a laugh with the workshop. I was the resident fuck up, and being an apprentice, everything was overlooked, because I was an aforementioned apprentice.
So 3 months out of my time but still being in the mindset of an unsackable tradesman my work offered me the golden chalice of some dry ice.
Now for the non trade b3tans dry ice is frozen CO2, it makes things very cold, especially metal and there was a lot left over. So I purloined a handful of said icy career killer and got a mate and informed him of the fun to be had when you added it to my absent friends 1.25ltr water bottle that was a quarter filled. Ha ha ha I thought as I described the blowing off of the bottle top to the unknowingly coerced mate.
So I filled the bottle with 5 fingers of ice, he put the top on and we waited for the the pithy fun that would ensue.
5 minutes later, the bottle looked stressed, but didn't look like blowing it's top, we (I) got afraid and moved the boiling bottle into a safe area and told the blokes around us to take cover.
A couple of minutes later the most resounding boom ever heard by 99% of every human in existence occurred and my boss was 5 metres away around a corner, he rushed around and exclaimed, "What the fuck was that?".
If you are interested in chemistry you will know that carbon dioxide and water when it explodes creates nothing but steam which dissipated by the time he rounded the corner. But idiot me was the only person still working at his post when the most awesome thing to happen at work happened instead of cheering and saying what the fuck?.
So past history and them digging through bins and getting lagged by rubbish people, I got the sack.
(neighbour of the beast 668 has watched you in secret on, Sat 31 May 2014, 9:45, 20 replies)

did Google translate this from Swahili or are you functionally illiterate?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 31 May 2014, 10:28, closed)

Wipe your keyboard fucktard. Are you Rory Lyon in disguise.
(neighbour of the beast 668 has watched you in secret on, Sat 31 May 2014, 12:00, closed)

Oh wait, did mummy catch you wanking over posts on a website with all of your never met best friends. Maybe that could be a qotw. Fuckhead
(neighbour of the beast 668 has watched you in secret on, Sat 31 May 2014, 12:48, closed)

At the risk oh white knight-ing the esteemed Dr.S,
your post does descend into gibberish, towards the end.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 31 May 2014, 13:02, closed)

Also the chemistry knowledge is a bit off

( Ghoti Fingers, Sat 31 May 2014, 13:07, closed)

And in the beginning and middle.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 31 May 2014, 14:19, closed)

don't get upset, petal
there are plenty of adult learning opportunities

you just need to apply yourself ... one day you might even make a small positive contribution to society
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 31 May 2014, 15:31, closed)

How dare 'can't get a job fucktards' be employed to protect you from killing or injuring yourself?

( Ghoti Fingers, Sat 31 May 2014, 13:08, closed)

^Another example of a winning reply.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 31 May 2014, 15:41, closed)

There's no shame in not understanding the basic rules of grammar, syntax or punctuation.
It doesn't mean you can't make a useful contribution to society.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 31 May 2014, 13:28, closed)

Yeah. As spare organs, felt, fertiliser and soap.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 31 May 2014, 14:04, closed)

Your reply contains almost everything required to construct a sentence.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 31 May 2014, 21:59, closed)

Are you stupid or just drunk?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 31 May 2014, 22:42, closed)

All three.
(nice sentence BTW)
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:59, closed)

It would seem that you're a "Can't KEEP a job fucktard".
Maybe, just maybe, if you'd actually DONE the job you were being paid for, rather than acting the cunt, you wouldn't be.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 31 May 2014, 14:03, closed)

If you're interested in chemistry you will know:
That what carbon dioxide and water create is carbonic acid and that has nothing to do with the explosion -- which is simply caused by the carbon dioxide sublimating and does not require water, or any other chemical, but simply occurs due to room temperature generally being above that at which carbon dioxide tends to sublime.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 31 May 2014, 16:36, closed)

Alright Rick Fathelme.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 31 May 2014, 21:42, closed)

everyone here. is correct.
What is a rick fathelme
?
(neighbour of the beast 668 has watched you in secret on, Sat 31 May 2014, 23:34, closed)

A couple of dozen people a year get killed or fatally injured working on building sites.
This figure is still far too high. It used to be hundreds. Hundreds of families devastated, due to corner-cutting in health and safety.

Thankfully, the construction industry has toughened up. massively. If people fuck around, they get chucked off most sites. If you don't respect this, don't work on sites, with machinery etc. Leave it to the responsible people who are there to earn a living, not play around.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Sun 1 Jun 2014, 21:28, closed)

Pfft... Health and Safety, eh?
We're getting health and safety'd to death, these days. That lovely Mr Farage will sort it all out though.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 15:58, closed)