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This is a question School Assemblies

Our school assemblies were often presided over by the local vicar, who once warned us of the dreadful dangers of mixing with "Rods and Mockers". One of the cool teachers laughed. Tell us about mad headteachers and assemblies gone wrong.

Inspired by the mighty @Rhodri on Twitter

(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 12:43)
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We once had a lecture about the dangers of sodium
Several weeks before said assembly, one lad in my year had the bright idea of smuggling a fair-sized bar of the stuff out of one of the science labs... and spitting on it. All things considered, he got off fairly lightly - the only lasting damage was him losing the sight in one eye. Any possible brain damage would have been hard to ascertain due to his already well-established lack of intellect.

However, when the time came for him to be dragged up on stage as an example to us all, it seems he hadn't yet got used to his lack of depth perception and tripped on the steps on the way up. Understandably the tone somewhat changed.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 13:40, 10 replies)
"If they're not nicking supplies from the lab, you're not teaching them well enough."

(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 13:49, closed)
Personally speaking, do the stationery cupboards count?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 13:53, closed)
No - you'd need a calculator for that!
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 13:58, closed)
I nicked some stuff
can't remember what it was called but it produced thick white smoke when you set it on fire.

I nicked a 'gert wodge' of it too so when I did set light to it a HUMONGOUS dense white cloud drifted slowly down the very long drive in front of the collage. It was very impressive.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 14:08, closed)
Did you make the collage as well?
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 14:29, closed)
Magnesium ribbon was a favourite when I was a lad.
Lighting it on a gas hob took some skill as you had to avert your eyes very quickly to avoid burning your retinas.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 14:41, closed)
Some lad manage to make a 'joke cigarette' with a strip of magnesium.
Not the conventional kind, although it probably still caused redeye.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 14:49, closed)
my chemistry teacher told us about pupils at his boarding school putting potassium permanganate in a rival school's swimming pool.
he seemed surprised next lesson when the technician told him there was mysteriously none left. up yours, bramston.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 15:06, closed)
"a fair-sized bar"
"a fair-sized bar" of sodium? Are you sure? My school had about one cubic centimetre of the stuff, in a jar, covered in oil.
(, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 20:48, closed)
Well not being witness to the actual theft I don't know the exact size of the bar
All I can say is that it was the school's entire supply.
(, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 22:56, closed)

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