Mobile sodding phones
Why do some cretins think that you want to hear what shit music they listen to on their phone? It escapes me, in all honesty. If it plays music, use the headphones - I neither want nor care to hear whatever you think passes for aural fun, ta.

Such it was that I found myself on a Glasgow tube, opposite one such runt. Particularly shitty day, exhausted and in no mood for anyone's pish. This pocket-based Jean Michel Jarre then proceeds to play some mind-numbingly crass tune on his phone, just for the entire carriages listening pleasure. Roughly 30 seconds pass before I lose the plot, and lean forwards, and in a voice like something from Amityville Horror, growl "Are you going to turn that off, or am I going to take it off you and stick it up your arse?"

The look on his face was priceless and worth every second. Stupid little twat. Fall under a train you execrable turd.

(I am very easy going. Stupidity or a lack of manners however just lights my fuse).
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 22:11, 15 replies)

serves him right.
although some Guardian-reading liberal types could misinterpret it as you threatening to sexually assault a child for having a mobile phone.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 22:29, closed)

So is there
another way to interpret it?
(Bazongaloid, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 23:38, closed)

good work
but he might have knifed you.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 22:31, closed)

Mebbe...but...
Was there only the one of them? They're not so brave when they're in groups small enough that they can count them with fingers and toes.
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 16:53, closed)

there was some chav on the bus back from town
and old asian geezer wearin a turban had a go at him...something about earning with respect...
was an amusing sight...since this chav was about 12 and the bloke was easily about 60/70
( Kaydie hasn't been on here in ages, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 23:07, closed)

New pet hate this
had to experience the latest trip-hardcore-speed-garage bollocks coming out of some chav-ette's mobile phone outside of Tescos this morning... shudder!

Why would you get up on a Sunday morning, go sit outside Tesco's and play music out of your mobile???

(I was there to get carrots for Sunday lunch btw)
(Mmmmminty all the beatles are aliens except for George, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 23:15, closed)

Music
Music that sounds like Pinky and Perky singing to 180BPM drumming, I avoid the bus if at all possible due to this tinny crap from the childrens phones causing an annoyance they reckon they will get away with, it's worse than the usual 'hello, I'm on the bus, what's for dinner' junk 'cos they at least have the decency to run out of steam eventually.
(Benzyl, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 1:02, closed)

good effort!
I've heard a more subtle approach on the top of the 237 by a guy who introduced himself to the aural offender as a sound engineer and proceeded to tell him the ins and outs of why blaring music out of a shitty mobile phone sounds so shite.

evidence suggests it was too subtle, though.
1, said twat didn't turn it down.
2, sound engineer alighted bus sans knife in skull.
( nightbuffalo needs more duct tape, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 1:33, closed)

At moments like that ...
I wish I were a 300lb Samoan.
(Que?, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 8:01, closed)

what about..
a 300lb Salmon... would have the same impact I would imagine.
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 8:29, closed)

^ This ^

(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 9:01, closed)

I hope he reads this
But I've got to link to one of my favourite ever QOTW answers, courtesy of Axeman Jim

b3ta.com/questions/publictransport/post165634
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 10:11, closed)

Somewhere in my vast store of junk...
... I have a compact little hunting horn. Fsck knows why, I've never been one for hunting, but there you are. It's folded round like a bugle, and is - if I recall correctly, I haven't seen it for a while - about the same size as the pocket on the front of my laptop bag.

It's also damn loud.

Maybe I should just pick up an el-cheapo chinese knockoff trumpet.
(gordonjcp, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 13:05, closed)

Trumpet
Look out for the cheap, plastic (incredibly loud) Spanish 'Bocin Gol' trumpets, they make cold callers go away, tourists jump into the road and grown men cry. Powered by only human breath but with a clever mylar diaphragm they turn up cheap or free at outdoor sporting events and the like, well worth while.
(Benzyl, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 20:08, closed)

A teenage wannabe
Nathan Barley, in my estimation.
(Dr Teeth Who asked you, you fuckin' hobbit?, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 20:02, closed)