Just crying out for attention… (And sex…lots of sex)…

I find it eerily thought provoking that many of these ‘Spoilt Brats’ we are reading about on this QotW appear to be nothing more than incredibly insecure and misunderstood creatures; and their annoying boasts regarding their (parents) apparent wealth and monumental strop-throwing tirades are really just pitiful cries for validation, and reassurance from non-attentive parents and peers who try to justify their lack of time and affection for their children by randomly ‘throwing money at the problem’…

But as the Beatles once proudly proclaimed…’Money can’t buy Me Love’

It reminds me of the tragic tale of a girl I used to know called Anna.

Her parents were so rich that they could have bought Manchester City twice over…and I don’t just mean the football club…I mean the whole.fucking.city.

So yes, Anna was richer than God, but unfortunately she was also uglier than Shane McGowan’s hairiest testicle. More unfortunately, she was only blessed with the intellectual capacity of something you would normally find eating its own dung.

To make matters worse, her precious ‘daddykins’ never had any real time for her, yet once every blue moon would give in to her incessant whinging and keep her sweet by spluffing up trinkets worth more than the current global banking debt.

Unfortunately, as the lonely years trundled on…this wasn’t enough for Anna, and she sought evermore affection….physical affection…anywhere…and often. Whilst we were at school she did the ‘Love-Lozenge Lambada’ with so many people that her nickname got an honourable mention in the urban dictionary:

It was ‘Shag Pig Of (the) Year’

(You can see it here: www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=S.P.O.Y.)

Dripping with riches yet lacking in self worth, poor old Anna decided to try and win some friends (and some more ‘hot cock-action’ no doubt) by throwing a fancy dress party at her parent’s mansion. I was invited along with what seemed like millions of others – but as there was not one smidgeon of imagination between us, all the girls were dressed as Lara Croft and all the Boys were dressed in different guises of Sacha Baron Cohen.

But Anna had tried to make a good impression by going as Cinderella…and was resplendent in about a quarter of a million pounds worth of finest Jewels.

Nobody cared. Least of all daddy.

As the party got into swing, most of the guests simply blanked Anna and took advantage of the numerous freebies on offer, and (talking of freebies) half a dozen of the more desperate men decided to give Anna a knee-trembling portion of man meat behind the stables.

Well, it all got too much for Anna, and this all-encompassing display of a lack of respect at her own party was the last straw…but it turns out she knew what was going to happen…and that night…she had a plan…

She clambered to the top of the West Tower, where a strategically placed spotlight was ready to shine on her…lighting her up for everybody to see…

As the crowd stared towards her, she cried out: “I’m sorry I didn’t make you proud, Daddy”, before leaping off the parapet.

As she plummeted to the ground before splatting through the windscreen of the family Jaguar like a jewel-clad bucket of bread pudding, my identically costumed partygoers and I realised far too late; that all we had ever needed to do was show her a little empathy, and maybe this tragedy would have been averted.

In helpless desperation we all shouted her name loudly, and our haunting howl resonated around the grounds:

…

‘SPOY!’, yelled Borats
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 14:37, 16 replies)

TLDR
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=TLDR
( PointlessCamel Last one on drugs is a queer., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 14:39, closed)

unfortunately for you
I now read B3ta from the bottom post upwards.
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 14:48, closed)

Hmmm...

I did think about 'hiding' the punchline somewhere, like in the replies...or putting another line or so in at the end...

Then I remembered...I couldn't be arsed.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 14:50, closed)

Pooflake
I could so easily hate him for managing to deploy such an excellent imagination and use of prose.

Unfortunately for my ego, I've met the guy and can confirm that he's a genuinely nice chap indeed.

The git!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 13 Oct 2008, 14:56, closed)

SPOY Don't get it..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 15:32, closed)

Aaaaaaargh!
I hope you're ashamed!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 15:42, closed)

spang line and sinker

( Gerbilinafishtank Gerbil in a fish tank...TURTLE POWER!, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 16:00, closed)

..
Having met pooflake, i too can confirm he is a thoroughly nice chap. That still doesn't stop me twatting him in the face though.

(And yes, i now read bottom-top on all b3ta posts thank's to you!) (BASTARD)
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 16:10, closed)

Good God!
Nice one but you deserve a "spang".



*digs out his cast-iron spanging pan*

*clicks*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 16:54, closed)

*SPANG!*
I had to read that a couple of times to get the pun.

Did you put up that entry in the Urban Dictionary just for this tale?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 18:57, closed)

'SPANG!', yelled Daves.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 19:14, closed)

I'm clicking for the pun
But until the "clambering up the tower" bit, I was genuinely reminded of a girl I used to work with.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 19:56, closed)

wafer thin mate
WAFER!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 20:44, closed)

*applauds*
Not bad. I won't beat you this week!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 11:54, closed)

You again!
I always check the last line, as well as the poster's name before reading.

That way, It's a lot easier to decide when to ignore someone.

And when to give out clicks.

*clicks*
(Obsidian, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:39, closed)

Arse
Arse arse arse arse arse arse arse.

Spang.

Arse.

*Click*

Arse.
(Crevice 's contents puked and crawled back in again on, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 18:59, closed)