Plymouth 2009 £5000 breakages bill and the only time I've been in a fight
15 old school mates. 10 beds in the house. 3 day stag. We all agreed that the first ones there claimed the first beds. Can't take a 3 dayer then you sleep on the floor.
1st night Cue the usual revelry, drinking, swimming in the sea (not a good idea in Nov at 2am) casino, stripping the works. Lots of banter, taking the piss etc.
2nd night. Cue the early start, more boozing, revelry, pisstaking. But this time a bit more close to the bone personal. We're all tired not thinking straight. More guys arrive
3rd night. Cue no sleep, tempers flaring, still fun but it's all getting a bit out of hand. Back to the house. 3 am. 1st 'fight' over who burned the carpet. Next a fight over who drank more. 3rd fight over sport.I'm thinking everyones been spiked. All between different guys so I go to bed thinking "right, this lot can fuck off its getting out of hand"

I get to my room and a latecomer is asleep in MY bed. Having pushed all my shit on to the floor.

I wake him up, an argument ensues, A massive verbal and a few scuffles. The rest of the stag come to watch. Like some crazed film the stag party is split between whose side to take. EeVRYONE starts getting angry. A LOT of personal shit gets dragged up. and I mean a LOT. I finally snap when he makes a comment about my step son not being my kid!

Everyone sucks their teeth. the line has been crossed. So I say the best ever come back line. Said across a silent landing with 13 on lookers

Ok. So tell me. How does it feel to know that every single guy in this house has fingered your girlfriend at least once? I know he used four fingers and I point to the groom.

The fingering was of course was when we were 13 and we're all at least 33 on the stag. Childish yes. Cutting yes.

The guy goes fucking mental and shoves me through a bannister and I fall a full story down stairs. Unbelievably I'm ok. It all kicks off upstairs the only guys to see if I'm ok is the groom who told me straight faced "It was just 3 fingers"

Anyway, next morning house is trashed and I mean it. Staircase has no bannister. Carpet is peppered with hot rocks and fag burns.

Knowing it was going to get messy we agreed that we would factor in the loss of our 'damages' deposit. But the bill came in at £5000. Ouch.

He no longer is going out with said girl
( Really?, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 17:16, 17 replies)

If your stepson really is your kid
that must have been one hell of a coincidence
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 17:26, closed)

Just don't ask about his nephew
I say nephew, I might mean son. With that family tree I'm always getting confused.
( Ghoti Fingers, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 19:25, closed)

I don't know about you, but this almost looks like the OP is making this up.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 22:26, closed)

Yeah. I bet Oscar Wilde is gutted he never said anything as witty as that.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 17:44, closed)

No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be a MAHOOOOSIVE CUNT.
- Oscar Wilde
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 18:13, closed)

Oscar 'five fingers' Wilde?

( Ghoti Fingers, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 19:26, closed)

If you link your fingers together and stick both hands up and then open the palms and fold your thumb underneath
it looks a bit like a fanny.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 19:53, closed)

I can't believe I just fucking tried this.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 20:05, closed)

We like tried that when we were 8.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 22:24, closed)

I can't believe I've just tried fucking this.

(mustardtiger108, Sat 1 Feb 2014, 12:59, closed)

Did you all
Drive home in your big convertible Accord Limo while being sucked off by each other's amazingly hot girlfriends. And doing lines of the finest Colombian of their double D natural tits? Just asking...
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 20:29, closed)

You missed the fucking red trousers.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 22:23, closed)

All of this definitely happened.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 22:24, closed)

I don't know.
I reckon it's tragic enough to be plausible.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 1 Feb 2014, 7:55, closed)

A good point.
We could have an Accordionist here.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 1 Feb 2014, 10:58, closed)

Only 3 fingers?
That's just being polite. Good God Sir, even a bowling ball only requires 3 fingers.
( Ken Oath, Sat 1 Feb 2014, 12:07, closed)

You were shoved THROUGH a banister and fell down a flight of stairs unharmed?
Did a parallel universe version of you lose a lung from fucking a postbox one time?

Also you are a massive fucking liar and a complete lightweight if even a word of this is vaguely true.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 1 Feb 2014, 23:37, closed)