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This is a question Surprise!

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver asks: Ever given granny a heart attack on her 90th birthday or knocked down the wall between the living room and kitchen by mistake before the wife gets home? Tell us tales of surprises and their fluffy and/or messy endings.

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 4 Apr 2013, 12:10)
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no funnies here
got a very nasty surprise this morning.
mum phoned me to let me know my brother has just been diagnosed with bowel cancer.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:34, 36 replies)
Shit.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:45, closed)
He can't, you insensitive cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:38, closed)
sorry to hear that

(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:46, closed)
Sorry to hear
Have just finished chemo myself and its not fun, if it's possible to have a silver lining, bowel cancer is one of the easiest to treat so cross fingers it all goes well!
(superfly78, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:58, closed)
they think they can get it all out at once
and it hasn't spread to his liver, which they were worried about.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:23, closed)
Is it okay to make a poo joke out of "they can get it all out at once"?
Because poo jokes are well lol.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:52, closed)
he got a text off my cousin
asking if he was sure it wasn't just a siu mai. if he let that slide, i'm sure he'd allow poo jokes
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:59, closed)
I'm so sorry SM...
Hugs for you - and my fingers, legs, eyes and everything crossed for your brother.

How are you bearing up?
(I helped save b3ta! Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:00, closed)
not sure, tbh
i know that sounds weird, but i really don't know how i feel right now. i know i should be upset, but all that's happened so far is i've completely lost my appetite.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:25, closed)
Well you should eat something.
Maybe just have a bowel of cereal.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:28, closed)
Sorry

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:29, closed)
*headdesks*

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:40, closed)
Can't stomach the idea eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:52, closed)
SURPRISE!!

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:00, closed)
Hope it works out ok for you
(and by that I mean your brother of course)
(King Nightmare, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:01, closed)
Hugs
and get well wishes.
(I helped save b3ta! e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 16:24, closed)
:-(

(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:25, closed)
Sorry to hear that.
I bet he got that from being in close proximity to the reactor whilst working on the Death Star.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:27, closed)
probably
it wasn't the 'rhoids he was looking for :(
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:39, closed)
Oh bravo.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:53, closed)
i can't believe that in a situation like this
the first thing that comes to mind is star wars puns. i've spent far too much time here.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:59, closed)
What else are you supposed to do?
You might as well try for a few seconds' levity if you can.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 18:02, closed)
i suppose so

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 18:08, closed)
Damn. Hope he's got a few quid. Nappies are expensive.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:38, closed)
Bloody shit news eh.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:39, closed)
no worries there
they've said he won't need a colostomy bag
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:39, closed)
Gonz will be gutted. He was hoping to get a bulk discount together with him.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 17:51, closed)
Maybe gonz can lend him some pringles tubes

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 21:24, closed)
Really sorry to hear this SM
I wish your brother all the best.
(I helped save b3ta! spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 19:15, closed)
GAY

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 20:02, closed)
haven't the heart to tell him he'll probably need to have an enema

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 13:52, closed)
Hope it's mild bum cancer and easily sorted

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 21:26, closed)
Oh fiddledy sticks
sorry to hear that Smashy.
Here's hoping for an early catch and a full recovery for your bro. x
(I helped save b3ta! Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 21:41, closed)
the docs are optimistic

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 13:52, closed)
If he doesn't make it, can I have his porn stash?

(I helped save b3ta! 4Q just lurking, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 23:04, closed)
he's already promised it to my nephew
at least, i think so, he certainly calls him a wanker often enough
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 13:49, closed)

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