hmmm
Apologies for bringing my self-indulgent musings all up in yo' faces, but I've been pondering this very issue lately.

My teenage crush was a long-runner. Seven years it was that I was hopelessly, stomach-fizzingly-cliched, writing-reams-of-shit-poetry and mooning about the place in love with a boy called Alexander. He was one of my best friends at school. I made him laugh. We used to write notes to each other in class, spend hours talking on the phone to the despair and rage of our bill-crippled parents, have adventures together, all that malarky. He confided in me all his deepest angsty woes - including, naturally, how much he fancied Beth/Naomi/Helen/Rachel - whoever it was that week. And I, as confidant and honourary boy-in-girls' clothing, did my best to advise and sympathise whilst internally suffering something equivalent to gout of the heart. And all the while I hoped and prayed that - Dawson's Creek-stylee - he would one day turn to look at me and see - gasp! - not the scrawny and overexcitable sidekick with the bad dye job but the Girl Of His Dreams, and everything would be awesome and wonderful, and so on yadder etc.

It didn't work out, obviously. Matters came to a head in sixth form when, having had it up to here with years of not-very-effective subterfuge, I told him I loved him. I remember the scene in LCD-clarity. I was sat in a muddy field wearing a sequinned tutu and torn fairy wings. He was dressed as Henry VIII. It was someone's shit fancy dress party, and he'd just been turned down by the latest object of his romantic dreams. He just took my hand and said 'I know.' That was it, really. We couldn't ever be close after that, once it was all out in the open. We went our separate ways to uni - I had an amazing time, him not so great. We're still sort of in touch now, and I think of him fondly. It always amazes me now when I speak how alike we still are, how after six years' not seeing one another we can still finish each other's sentences, and all that crap.

This isn't really about him, though. What worries me is that what happened over those formative years - that constant, unwavering affection for someone who just wasn't interested - has moulded me in a fashion that is unlikely to be conducive to a future joys. Put simply, I don't think I know how to do this shit. I'm now officially in my late twenties, and have never had what I'd consider a proper adult relationship. I've had a couple of six-month stints with chaps who were perfectly nice, but who I never really felt much for, and didn't regret the break-up. And I've had my heart savagely broken twice by others who I wasn't with for nearly as long, but the mere fact of them not being quite as keen on me - and not particularly nice - has unfortunately been enough to set me swooning. It seems to take me a helluva long time ( as in years) to get over these ones. Not in a stalkering or melodramatic weeping or obvious way; in fact you'd hardly know it. I had quite a lot of practice in keeping schtum.

So, to come to the point - what if my teenage crush has hard-wired my brain in such a way as to make it well-nigh impossible for me to adore anyone who isn't more-or-less romantically indifferent to me? Where the heck does that point? Cos frankly, I'd rather bounce about merrily on my own than be with someone who I didn't utterly adore, having seen the finest young ladies of my generation fall one-by-one into the cosy stagnant waters of long-term relationships and arguments about bed linen and cutlery sets.

This has all got a bit Dear Diary now, so I'll stop. Ooh, and I really fancied Ioan Gruffudd from that Hornblower series. He could navigate through my waters anytime.
(jennymnemonic, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:04, 11 replies)

Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded survived
I think I can help you here.

We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Women are pussies. And Man is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks.

But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls.

The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes.

I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
(Corbo, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:24, closed)

excellent use of that speech

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:30, closed)

was it?
I thought it was pointless and made no sense...
(jennymnemonic, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:33, closed)

on the other hand
There are 6.58 billion people in this world.

There's more than just "the one" out there for you, there are millions for you.

Enjoy yourself, relax, stop worrying about meeting someone, spend time with your friends. The right person ALWAYS appears when you're least expecting it, and when you're not looking for them :)
(Corbo, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 12:40, closed)

then you didn't understand it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 12:56, closed)

did so! :)
I've seen the film (though I thought it was a bit balls, to be honest) - just don't see the relevance here.
(jennymnemonic, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 13:05, closed)

thought-provoking
and well written.

I'd suggest that your way is better than how many people bounce straight from one shit relationship to another.

As you said, you want someone to adore, and hopefully you'll find them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:27, closed)

Is 'adore' perhaps a bit too strong?
I am in a healthy relationship with my perfect girl and I know many others that are too. No, I'm not rubbing it in....my point is that I don't ADORE my girlfriend, nor she me. These other couples I speak of don't ADORE each other. Sure we all love and cherish each other and many of these relationships are quite long term (almost 6 years for me, and we're living together) but if you're looking for someone to adore then surely you're cutting your chances quite significantly.

Have you ever met someone that you appreciate for the person that they are? Could it maybe get more serious?

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore so I'll stop but I just wanted to add my two cents.

EDIT

Having said that, I 100% agree with Vipros, above.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 12:15, closed)

Hmmm
I really enjoyed your post, a jewel amongst the other rubbish ramblings of poeple that just want to write SOMETHING!

I am one of those people that you mentioned at the end of your post, I have just settled with someone cos I am scared to be on my own and not find Mr Right. Urg... Im drowing. pfff...
(Barmybarny, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 14:02, closed)

I am wondering about myself similarly.
But, I've come to the conclusion that it is no crime to be simgle and many people end up single around 20 years older than I am -- so if I'm still here maybe some day I will settle down.
That said, a strange online encounter means that, in a couple of days, I'll be flying off to meet a girl I have only Skyped thus far.
Life is chaotic, I think all you can do is enjoy what you have.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 19:07, closed)

I can relate
My first long term crush was a over a girl who was entirely uninterested but perfect. The penultimate paragraph seems to sum up very well. There is someone out there for everyone though.
I also agree that the use of the Team America speech was pointless and had no relevance to your well written post.
*click*
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 10:34, closed)