I'll have kitten flavour ice-cream please...

Thank you Tourettes you sweary beauty x
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 21:24, 1 reply)

My pleasure Poofers :)
Although I must admit I'm dreadfully out of practice at this sort of thing... Had to stick up for my *almost* bridesman innit. Monty really is a good bloke though. Eeh, this internet thingy... it was so much easier back in the day when we were content with a couple of rinsed out beans tins and a LENGTH of string *sucks Werthers Original whilst reminiscing* xxx
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:34, closed)

There really isn't any excuse
for being a complete cunt on an internet forum. Saying things from the safety of an anonymous screenname that would cause you to lose teeth IRL shows the person to be a cowardly twat of the first water. Doing it for Teh Lulz is merely an excuse for being a miserable little person on the inside, the sort who gets drunk and turns into a beergoggles hardman.

Twats, the lot of 'em to a man.
( Wanderer, Wed 29 May 2013, 2:18, closed)

oh fuck off, you humourless windbag.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 7:10, closed)

Point proven, I'd say
by one of the grimmest cunts of them all.
( Wanderer, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:37, closed)

What do you know
about the state of Janets Genitalia?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:37, closed)

When you say Monty is a "really good bloke"
How do you explain him dumping his pregnant girlfriend?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 16:18, closed)

Because she was a complete and utter psychopath, perhaps?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 16:38, closed)

Ah right
That explains why he dated her for several years before getting her up the stick and then dumped her while she was carrying his child. Oh, and then he got all angry and confused when she didn't want him to see the baby for some reason.

He's an exceptionally good bloke, obviously.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 16:48, closed)

I dated her for about five months tops in total
you witless, mong-faced creepy spastic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:35, closed)

My reply was more polite.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:39, closed)

Well that's the difference between us, dear boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:50, closed)

Too fucking true.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:50, closed)

as the voice of reason (how the fuck did that happen)
Life is not black and white. Its easy to judge when you don't know the facts and when you haven't lived through that particular situation.
Thank gods thats all over can we get back to calling each other names and eating pie now?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:39, closed)

I could take no more when she went for me with a knife.
I realise now that what I *should* have done, which would have made me a 'good bloke' would have been to exploit her evident mental illness by pressurising her into ramming a fucking Millennium Falcon up her arse and then slathering all over the internet so all my creepy SuperMatt style pals could have a jolly old wank.

That would have been fine.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:42, closed)

Missed a trick there, Monts.
I saw gonz's business suggestion the other day - you sounded tempted.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:43, closed)

It's a really good idea
I need to look at practicalities and should really go on a couple of other ones (they do wanky 'street art' ones round my way) to see how they're run. Problem (not a problem at all, obv) is that I've got my kid half of each weekend these days so that plus my 50h a week here + 20h spent commuting means I've not really got the time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:48, closed)

Bummer.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:51, closed)

YOURN A BUMMER

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 19:40, closed)

Don't recall him ever saying he dated her for years.
Plus, she's still a psychopath. And to be fair, all he's ever wanted was to do well by his daughter; any any parent who uses their child as a weapon against their ex is a cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:38, closed)

In the hilariously non-self aware sobbing that is the top story on his profile
he complains about her smoking crack and not doing a day's work in the three years before their daughter was born. Also, most the complaints about her being a psychopath seem to date to *after* he dumped her pregnant ass. Imagine that: a recently-dumped, pregnant, hormonal woman being unreasonable? Whichever way you slice it, he's either a terrible judge of character or a stupid prick who doesn't understand how contraception works.

Besides all that, he would never have even tripped my radar if he hadn't come on here to try and belittle and bully other people, presumably to make himself feel better about the atrocity he calls his life.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 18:20, closed)

It is possible to know someone's history without having been with them for a great length of time.
Monty's already pointed out he was with his ex for about 5 months, and he's also referred to his ex's psychotic ways in that very story. Also, contraception's not always effective, y'know?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 18:44, closed)

Oh sorry, my mistake
Monty deserves a medal for dumping his pregnant girlfriend and that gives him carte blanche to be as much of a cunt as he likes to other people online. Well done you, for sticking up for such an unsung hero of our times.

Also, if I was so inclined to sleep with a psychotic crackwhore (not that I would be, but hypothetically) I'd make damn sure I didn't impregnate her. I suppose you're going to tell me the fact that he did makes him a veritable genius as well.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 19:22, closed)

So what, you'd advocate him staying with a manipulative, violent psycho
which would in all probability have a seriously damaging effect on their kid? She's been physically violent to Monty in front of their own daughter, ffs. Also, see my point about contraception not always being 100% effective - what do you think he should have done; marched her down to the abortion clinic?

For the record, I'm not saying he's right to have a go at Pooflake but I can see the context in which it was done: poster has a reputation for writing long and convoluted stories, some of which are obviously lies in order to get to an excruciating but often amusing pun or punchline; other poster makes comment relating to the unusual brevity of this particular story; all hell breaks loose as the OP has probably overreacted to Monty's comment.

I like pooflake, and I like Monty. I've met them both, and both come across IRL as genuinely affable; most people on here I've met are, despite online appearances. Al, for example, is not a terrible cunt. And I've never seen Battered with an axe.

I'm sorry if I'm being unreasonably reasonable here, but that's just the way I roll.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 19:34, closed)

Well I've only encountered Monty on here, where he comes across as a stupid, racist prick
who likes to wind other people up but then gets nasty when the spotlight is shone on his own tragedy of an existence. Maybe he's all right to have a pint with, I wouldn't really want to know.

Besides, all we really know about his ex has been filtered through the self-justifying and tremendously unflattering lens of Monty's own mind, such as it is. Not that I particularly care one way or the other, to be honest, but that story either reads "woman slaps stupid racist prick who dumped her when pregnant" or "woman needlessly assaults really good bloke...who dumped her when pregnant" depending on your own personal view of the protagonist...or the antagonist, whichever one Monty is. Like I say, I'm not really bothered which version is true - if any, since I'm assuming you didn't actually witness the incident yourself - but him being a battered husband does explain why he feels the need to throw his weight around on an internet message board and act the cunt towards other people.

See, I've never had a problem with pooflake and I've never had a problem with you or Tourette's either for that matter. You seem like decent people and if we were to meet I think we'd probably get on, given your online personas, and please don't apologise for being reasonable, reasonableness is one of the qualities this board is desperately lacking. I just think it's sad that someone of your calibre is trying to stick up for Monty, who in all fairness to him, comes across as, well, that's where we came in.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 20:14, closed)

Fair enough, but many people on here come across as utter twats
when in reality so many people gathered in one place couldn't possibly have such a high level of crippling personality disorders. You're right, I haven't met Monty's ex and don't have first hand experience, but I do know his current gf and she's said stuff as well about the situation, and I'm inclined to believe her.

Most of us say things on here that don't necessarily reflect who we are in person; I have it good authority, for example, that Rory is a decent enough chap IRL. 99% of the time it's just banter and that's what I'm inclined to believe was the initial case here and Pooflake, for whatever reason, overreacted and it spiralled.

I've got no truck with you either, tbh, and I'm not on here often enough to get wound up anyway.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 20:24, closed)

Please refer to your own sig. Ta.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 29 May 2013, 20:27, closed)

Sorry, guv.
I mean, sorry you axe wielding, Polish whore murdering cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 20:33, closed)

Nah, I'm sorry, I can't follow you there
In my experience, people who come across as utter twats are usually utter twats. If you only dip in and out, sort of twat who likes to tag my posts with "LOL EMV FINZ-P NIGGAZ" might be quite amusing but if you're here every week then it's like sharing a carriage with that tram lady, every commute. If that's your idea of a "really good bloke" then fine, but his little man syndrome is wearing thin with the rest of us. Could you maybe have a word and tell him to maybe grow up and have a life? Maybe talk to his girlfriend?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 21:15, closed)

Nah, he's a kitten really.
Granted, a tall kitten with long straggly grey hair and good teeth. But still a kitten.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 22:45, closed)

I'm sure Savile's mates said much the same thing

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:25, closed)

seconded

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:40, closed)