People I've loved, what I've tried to lose...
A confession:

I'm a nice, well-adjusted (-ish, I do like b3ta after all) quite pretty young lady, but despite this I am also a virgin. As I'm now in the second half of my twenties, I am getting concerned about this.

It's not that I'm 'saving myself' or think it's that big a deal in general - I've done 'other stuff' - it's just that circumstance has worked against me.

I used to be quite shy. Now not so much. However, given my shyness in my teens 'it' didn't happen then.

At uni - still shy - I got chatted up a lot but always either gave out the wrong number or never called when they gave them mine. I realise this was pretty shitty of me, but I really didn't have the courage to meet someone in the harsh light of day that I'd drunkenly snogged in the uni nightclub, not because I was being intentionally mean.

Anyway, I finally found someone - a friend of a friend - that I liked. Nothing as official as a date, but we used to hang out around one of our houses, get slightly stoned or very drunk, and flirt outrageously (the weird thing is I've always been fantastic at flirting but scared stiff of going beyond that) so I decided, at a party of a mutual friend, that I would sleep with him. I've never wanted to lose my virginity to a one night stand (too seedy), just to someone I liked who liked me. Found out that night that he was also seeing another friend, who was sleeping with him. When confronted he gentlemanly said that he liked me better, but I wasn't interested.

Many drunken snogs, fumblings and flirting later, I find another guy a like. The short version is he 'respected me too much to sleep with me' after I stupidly admitted I was a virgin. Maybe that was just his excuse.

Kind of off topic, and not funny. Not even much of a story. Only a few of my closest friends know this, so goodness knows why I'm posting it here, but I guess as it is only a couple of my female friends that know and they've tried to reassure me that I'm not a freak, I was wondering - are they just being kind because they're my mates? Do they see it differently because they are female as well? I think when I do actually sleep with someone, I might try to keep it a secret that I am a virgin if I can - should I? Will a guy think I'm weird if I am a virgin in my twenties?

EDIT: Just wanted to say thanks for all the replies - they've helped to get my head straight and not be so stressed about the whole thing!
( hanabanana, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:50, 12 replies)

No, he wont,
he will clamour to deflower you. You only know girly men.

Urgh.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:55, closed)

..waits
...on frank spencer

Personally i think it's nice, sex is far too prevelant these days, so its nice to hear of a fine young lady keeping her hand on her h'apenny, as they say.

Good for you......however if you want a wee practise before the real thing, then feel free to pop over..

length - long enough

;-)
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:58, closed)

I can see the birth of a new
B3ta challenge here...
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:01, closed)

absolutely nothing wrong with that
im sure someone will post a "huh huh huh i'll help you darlin'" reply but nothing to be ashamed or embarrased about whatsoever. its only breeding when you think about it, and waiting for someone special rather than just fucking for fuckings sake is more honourable and respectful for both parties.

I went from jan 2002 to about 7 weeks ago without having sex and it did not bother me in the least, freaked my friends out a bit but its personal and frankly has fuck all to do with them anyway.

Stick to your principles and your not weird crazy or odd
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:04, closed)

I think it's laudable
Good luck to you - as something of an old giffer I'd say the same to anyone in a similar situation. I've friends of both sexes who've declined the easy option and waited until they were comfortable with someone until they leapt into the sack.

It's not weird, if it works for you then that's all that matters.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:08, closed)

Not weird at all
I knew several people who, shall we say, kept their V-plates until they were ready. It's just sex, after all, which isn't the biggest thing in the world.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 15 Aug 2008, 18:14, closed)

^
no, it's second biggest. After Star Wars toys.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 18:17, closed)

My advice
I get the impression that to you, losing your virginity is not such a big deal and that you’re just shy.

Am I right in guessing that inside you, you don’t quite feel like the person you come out across as? That is, even though you consider yourself shy, you come across as being bubbly and lively and that you wonder if you can live up to the persona you project? If this is the case, it may explain why you usually don’t go beyond flirting, snogging, etc. as your real self kicks in at this time. I apologise if guessed wrong or if it offended you in any way. But if this is the case, I suggest that you just go with the flow once things get started.

If you decide to lose your V plates for the hell of it, I would suggest keeping quiet about it. If the person just wanted a one night stand or just wanted to be ‘friends with benefits’, he may be a bit worried that you might be taking things more seriously than you really are because he may get the impression that he’s that “someone special you’re saving yourself up for”. If on the other hand, you do end up in a serious relationship, I’d suggest you tell him – he’d feel flattered that you chose him if he wants a proper relationship.

And no, you’re not a freak. Your friends are telling the truth.

Oh, and don’t worry about posting it here. We’re all warm and cuddly. We don’t bite (except for a few trolls but you can ignore them).
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 21:41, closed)

just remember
shit sex makes the good sex better...
the first time is usually shite, mine was, havent done it since... but im 17, so its not major panic-time. jus do it when it feels like its the right time

/know-it-all
(baldpig pee'd in your pool on, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 23:58, closed)

Hmmmm...okay
I would take the high road here and just say "Well, let's shag and see if I respect you in the morning. I mean, truth is, it could go either way really. I mean, sure, you SOUND like a decent lady and all, but who the hell knows?" I find honesty ALWAYS works best.

Here is the Catch22 with me: If I sleep with a girl on the first date, there WILL be no second date(well, 'almost' never anyway). Not that I am a prude, I just am one of those long-term planning kinds of guys.

As for you being a Virgin: laudable, but you're not the only late 20'something that I've met that still has that claim...though, some of them may have been lying. :) So dont feel too terrifically bad.

Personally, I think it's awesome and any time you want no-strings attached monkey sex, give me a shout. I can meet just about anywhere and I HAVE uniforms on standby. :)

Cheers,

Citadel
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Sat 16 Aug 2008, 0:27, closed)

stop worrying about what others think
it'll happen when you're ready for it. until then, don't let yourself get pressured or pushed into something you don't want to do. you'll always regret it if you do. i know someone who is 30 next year and perfectly happy to be a virgin. i also know someone who is 23 and has six kids, no money, no common sense and the contempt of half the area. no lad will touch her.
now, which one would you rather be?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 16 Aug 2008, 11:30, closed)

Hmm...
Have you tried eBay?

Honestly though, female virgin = good.
Keep it a secret or don't, it's only an issue if you think it is.
(Prof. Moriarty put his foot in it on, Sun 17 Aug 2008, 2:43, closed)