I went to a grammar school with an identical uniform policy
but my poverty-stricken mother solved the problem in a different way.

Back in the early 1960s, she'd won £100 on the pools. It arrived in cash and she invested some of it in my older sister's school uniform.

(Nobody else knew about this windfall until she told me about 10 years ago - my father would've blown the lot on Airfix models and pipe tobacco.)

So, as Sis was 9 years older than I was, the lot was carefully mothballed against the day when it would be needed. In due course I inherited it.

It was all out of date, faded, far too big (as inded it must've been when Sis first wore it) and I had to wear it for 5 years.

The huge hockey boots were probably the worst. I collected many bellowed winter bollockings for NOT TRYING when in fact I couldn't even walk properly.

My own kids were kitted out in the latest, probably not most expensive but certainly the most peer-acceptable school togs.

I still hate all sports with a vengeance.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:34, 1 reply)

I had to wear
green knickers for PE.
We were allowed to wear gym blouses, and socks and shoes as well, but no trousers or skirt, just the green knickers.

And that parent thing of buying things big so you can grow into it... the only thing that ever worked with was my school skirt which lasted me the full seven years but went from calf-length to mid-thigh over those seven years.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:40, closed)

I bet that skirt went
higher than that on occasion.

And i'm creaming myself over the thought of you in green gym knickers.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:51, closed)

here I am
banging on about poverty, and you lower the tone!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:52, closed)

It is what he's here for
after all.

*doffs cap to al*

Green knickers are about as sexy as me in a vest.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:56, closed)

Mmmmmmm
Bert in a vest

*spluffs uncontrollably*

Oh noes! I got it in CHCBs mouth, nose, ears and anus!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:57, closed)

My hairy shoulders are on display
when I wear vests.

Still, they could be my love-handles, as I'm too skinny to have proper ones.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:00, closed)

I know
I'm so, so sorry. I've disgusted rachelswipe and now i've disgusted you.

*isn't really sorry*

*is still imagining green gym knickers*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:56, closed)

You really are a foul, disgusting man.
You're making me want to throw up yesterdays breakfast.
( Cawl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:01, closed)

There's nowt disgusting
about CHCB in green knickers, she's a fine Irish lady, they wear green all the time.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:02, closed)

I just meant
Al, in general, makes me heave.
( Cawl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:04, closed)

Don't insult my woman
She's a beautiful, fine figure of a woman, and i love her.

Or we'll have to have pistols at dawn.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:06, closed)

How about knives?
I'd challenge you to a knife-fight quite happily.
( Cawl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:09, closed)

How about
spaffing cocks at dawn.

CHCB can judge who's is the best.

Spaff that it, not cock. I wouldn't have a chance otherwise.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:12, closed)

Don't put yourself down
When I met Mrs al, I could see from the twinkle in her eye that she was a very satisfied young woman.

Of course, she could be getting that satisfaction elsewhere, but you get the idea.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:15, closed)

Hmmmm
thanks for that. I think that twinkle may have been because she was drunk.

I fear we may have disgusted CHCB away from her own thread.

Or maybe she's working *shudders*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:23, closed)

CHCB loves us
like illegitimate children, she could never be disgusted by us.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:55, closed)

Ok
knives it is. I've got a three inch Kitchen Devil with your name on it.

Not literally, but personalised knives would be a nice christmas present for you.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:14, closed)

That would be a lovely present for me :)
So... a kitchen devil...

I'll use my Fairborne-Sykes Fighting Knife, in that case :)

Five inches, and designed to cause maximum slicing to veins and arteries, with minimum stabbing effort.
( Cawl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:18, closed)

Sounds very efficient
but my kitchen devil can do carrots and cheese... so.. er... if you're made of carrots and cheese I can chop you up into little chunks and make a not very nice sandwich of some sort.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:19, closed)

But
by the simple addition of some Branston Pickle, said boring sandwich would become quite tasty.

Or if you had some corned beef and ketchup I would be tempted to eat Kaol myself.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:21, closed)

Er...
I'm not made of cheese OR carrots, so... *shrugs*
( Cawl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:23, closed)

What about
Broccoli? are you made of broccoli? Or courgettes? Or peppers of any colour (though green ones are pointless and bitter)?

Hang on, are you made of green peppers then?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:26, closed)

Yeah,
My heart is a green pepper, pumping bitterly and pointlessly.
( Cawl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:29, closed)

How
poetic
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:02, closed)

Yeah
like your mum.

*goes all /talk*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:03, closed)

So's
your face.

...and your Mum's face.

I win.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:54, closed)