To Hull, on the double!
"Big Issue!"
Yes. I know.
"Big Issue, please!"
Why? I don't have a copy to give you, but you've already got a whole pile of them just behind you anyway. Are you trying to start a cartel or something? I'll report you for that.
"It's for the homeless..."
But I'm not homeless, so I represent the wrong target audience.


Some would say I've missed the point. I would reply that it's probably best not to try to sell stuff to a pedant.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:12, 16 replies)

I always just reply to cries of Big Issue with
"bless you"

I do buy it occasionally, but it used to be better. Nowadays it seems to be 50% adverts. sod that
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:17, closed)

me too....
and I piss myself in an ever-so-smug at not being a skag-head way...
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 14:37, closed)

I would buy it from an indigenous homeless person
but they are far and few between.

I have no idea why we are importing homeless people.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:25, closed)

it's
to add a bit of exoticism to inner-city Limerick.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:38, closed)

it's
because they're probably much better educated than the home-grown ones.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:39, closed)

I always say that I have already bought one
I'm not lying, I bought one a few years ago and it was shit.

I don't think i've ever seen someone reading the big issue. I've seen lots of people buy one though.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:38, closed)

I used to buy one
to read on the train- just an hours journey so just needed something to take my mind off the mind-numbingness and godawful cramped conditions for a while. Without the markup on "proper" magazines at the station.

I now read Bizarre on the train- sit down at a table-seat with one of those and no-one will sit next to you! It's great- a decent read AND legroom on the train!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 12:14, closed)

just
offer them a big tissue and see what they say.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:41, closed)

Big issue sir?
No thanks, this one fits just fine.

FUCK YOU JIMMY CARR, YOU PUDGEY FACED FUCK
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:43, closed)

My local curry house does that one
me: 'OK I'd like one chicken tikka, please'

man: 'One chicken tikka, yes please'

me (in my head): 'Oh - I'm afraid I haven't got any - I was kind of hoping that you would, being a restaurant and all'

repeat throughout order.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:49, closed)

Most other languages
that are not English have a word or some words to acknowledge a request such as 'please'.

In Dutch it's "alsjeblieft", in German it's "Bitte sehr" and I'm sure that b3tans can come up with more than I can right now.

Point being, they're being extra polite and translating their own language into English in their head. I find it very cute and charming. There just isn't an English equivilent, really.
(posthumous mince is tiptoeing through the tulips, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:16, closed)

maybe...
you're welcome?
(Inflatable Aardvark, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 18:05, closed)

Knock knock..
Who's there?
Biggish.
Biggish who?
Nah already bought one this week mate.

Sorry. Looking forward to Saturday Enzyme?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 27 Oct 2008, 13:33, closed)

Sort of.
I'm worried that there might be some Big Issue sellers that want to lynch me, though...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 14:19, closed)

Excellent
Have a click, for "Are you trying to start a cartel or something?".
Priceless :)
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:52, closed)

I'd buy it if the content wasn't shit.
When I was younger and more foolish I fell prey to the blandishments of the no-doubt completely-legitimately-homeless-and-not-lying-to-me-at-all person with his plaintive mating call of "biggishoo, biggishoo" and bought a copy.

Fuck, for that money I could have bought a copy of the Daily Heil. The quality of the writing would have been better, for a start.

If your business model is to try to emotionally blackmail members of the public into doing something about the homeless problem at one remove (by flogging a shit magazine instead of getting direct donations) then at least have a decent product to sell. If you can't be bothered to produce a decent product, then don't bother; solicit direct donations instead.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 1:43, closed)