diet not working and struggling to lose weight?
simply eat a spoonful of dog shit.

caution: you may lose your sight as well as serious amounts of weight
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 23:01, Reply)

manufacturers save money on printing
"silica gel do not eat" when i buy a new electrical device i never think "hang on. whats this tasty looking snack they've included?"
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 22:49, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Manufacturers of 'NEXT' branded clothing
Save your time and mine and save on printing costs by not printing 'waterproof' on both the tag and label. Then at least we know where we stand.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 21:09, Reply)

Wind Up
cool R&B kids by asking them what instrument it is Beyonce plays...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 8 Jun 2011, 20:32, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

save money
On expensive meat paste for your dog by simply not washing your cock for a few days which will yield similar results.
So I've been told
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 18:34, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You can't teach an old dog new tricks
But you can teach a dog of any age to lick meat paste off your cock and balls. Apparently or so I've been told
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 18:21, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Servo-Assisted Solenoid valves
Dont work if the pressure on the outlet is higher than the pressure on the inlet. You need to also fit a check valve to ensure that mains water does not back-fill the chiller loop sump and flood the factory.
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 17:48, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

If youre having John cofe (like the drink but not spelt the same) round for dinner
Why not rustle him up a fried chicken dinner with gravy on the tatters and some ocre, and maybe some of that fine corn bread yer missus make for dessert
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 16:48, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Don't try to give yourself a blow job
You can't bend far enough so won't be able to no matter how much you try. Apparently or so I've been told.
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:59, 8 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Cure homosexuals
by strapping them naked to a chair, taping their hand around their penis and using a motorised cam to simulate a wanking motion, all the while forcing them to watch straight porn in a style similar to that scene in "A Clockwork Orange"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:59, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Piss off your work colleagues
by using your long service to hide behind doing nothing at all, letting them pick up the workload and any slack.

Extra marks for making "ironic" comments about how tired you are after doing nothing all day.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Network administrators
Get someone sacked by remotely changing their homepage to a gay porn site on a regular basis. About 4 or 5 times a day should do to collate enough evidence to get them the boot.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Piss off your work colleagues
by swapping their mouse and telephone to opposite sides of their monitor whilst they're away from their desk...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Annoy your neighbour
by filling his wheelie-bin with water when he puts it out for collection
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Wind Up
cool R&B kids by telling them that you like R&B too and asking them if they like Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters or BB King...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:40, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Pretend you're Terry nutkin
By letting an otter bite your fingers off
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Piss off your work colleagues
by swapping the cartridges about in the office printer
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Confuse homosexuals
by flirting with them all evening, before copping off with their sister and shagging her against a skip.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:35, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Pretend to be Lara Croft
By climbing into a neighbour's bedroom window and shooting the dog, before going into the loft to find a key to a disused shed across the street.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Pretend you're Michael Rodd
on Tomorrow's World in the 80s by "washing up" your CD collection in the sink.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Trick people into thinking you're gay
By rubbing another mans shit all over your cock
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Annoy UB40
by getting the State to keep an MI5 file on them...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Make people think you are freddy mercury
By dressing up like a giant rat
(Kevseabass, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Make green tea
by boiling up the scrapings from underneath your Flymo.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Annoy UB40
by killing their fan base.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Annoy UB40 fans.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Annoy UB40 fans
by slapping them on the neck with a lollystick.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Porn stars
Take your high heel shoes off. Nobody thinks they're sexy and they're dangerous. You might have somebody's eye out.

and don't suck your teeth and go oooh when wanking a bloke off. It doesn't make any sense and just sounds like you've trapped your fingers in a deckchair.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 14:23, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)