Public Service Announcement
Is your amateur porn genuine?

Notwithstanding POV filming, image quality and shaky camera, your amateur porn may not be genuine. Ask yourself:-

Is the girl a little too good looking?
Are her breasts a bit too perfect?
Listen to the noises she makes. Does she say 'ooh' a lot when tugging off a bloke?
Does she follow that 'ooh' by inhaling through her teeth, making a hissing noise in the process?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then chances are, it's staged.

Proper sex by real people is clumsy, sweaty, fairly quiet except for grunting and extremely undignified.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:00, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

It took me a while to realise...
...that by "amateur porn" you don't mean your readers' own attempts.

Though we should all still strive to make it genuine, of course.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 20 May 2009, 9:12, Reply)

"Does she follow that 'ooh' by inhaling through her teeth, making a hissing noise in the process?"
Arf! What *is* that noise for? It's like 50% plumber-assessing-dodgy-pipework-that'll-cost-a-bloody-fortune-to-repair, 50% noise-you-make-when-you-trap-your-finger-in-a-deckchair. 100% silly. Plenty of films can go for several minutes without anyone making a sound; Why is grummer so different?

Maybe it's so blind people can enjoy it too.

Although they're now well-catered for, thanks to the fantastic pornfortheblind.org.

*wanks quietly*

*keeps look-out for librarian*
(costas, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Pornfortheblind
needs to be in the newsletter. This is the funniest, most unsexy "porn" I think I've ever heard of!
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:51, Reply)

+10 for post
-1 for 'quiet'.

I've known several loud lovers. Not sexy loud of course - it all adds to the 'extremely undignified", but loud nonetheless.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 21 May 2010, 15:36, Reply)