Make your neighbours
think you've just started work at an ageing nuclear facility by using Veet (or other depilatory cream) to progressively remove your hair over the course of a week, giving yourself a nosebleed by the Thursday and having a couple of teeth extracted before leaving the house on Friday.

Also, soak your clothes in luminious paint every morning for that freshly irradiated look.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 13:08, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alternatively,
just grow up in Hull and eat lashings of patty and chips so you get scurvy.

*oh fuck, I still have patty and chips on the brain*
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 7:58, Reply)

what
is patty?
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

:-o
Fish patty - potato and fish in batter.
(TheColonel, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 10:56, Reply)

but without the fish

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 16:22, Reply)

excuse me for my ignorance
but isn't scurvy caused by lack of vitamin c? And doesn't the humble potato have loads of vitamin c?
so in conclusion: subsisting on lashings of chips and patty would not result in scurvy.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 5:02, Reply)

Vitamin C?
In deep fried potatoes?

Ho ho ho!
(TheBoyTucker, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Chips
At least one of your five a day! :)
(Soy milk supernova has nothing witty to add on, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 10:53, Reply)