Always drop a bit of folded- up bog roll into the toilet before taking a dump.
The benefits are threefold:

- You don't get a soaking wet arse
- You can conceal the potentially embarassing splash noise
- You will never be left without anything to wipe with, because you checked the paper avaliability before you even de-trousered.

Et voila.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 13:53, 10 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The third point
sold it to me
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 23:17, Reply)

I read this in an interview with Graeme Garden
and thought exactly the same.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Sat 5 Dec 2009, 20:16, Reply)

BEST
TIP.
EVER.
(astrosinmyeyes is hoping Manson is released before, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 1:18, Reply)

Standard

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 12:38, Reply)

Indeed

(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 13:32, Reply)

good stuff generally
but I rarely get a soaking wet arse. what are you crapping out? lead?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 14:56, Reply)

I realise this was a bit of an exaggeration.
I just couldn't be bothered to edit. You get the idea.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:15, Reply)

4
If you wee'ed first and didn't dispose you can avoid getting reciprocal gifting.
(Benzyl, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 19:21, Reply)

Never dump without a Crash Mat
Helath and Safety directive 918.5793809881.678
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 8:43, Reply)