Is your partner unwilling to let you jizz in her mouth?
Wait until she's asleep and then spunk on her back and cover it with an elastoplast. Make sure to remove it again in the morning before she wakes up. After 30 nights, stop the nightly regime and she will get the shakes and will need some man-lard in her system. She'll even swallow rather than spit too.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 15:06, 7 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

are you trying to develop the "jizz patch"?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:35, Reply)

It's work in progress
You may see me soon on "Dragon's Den - After Dark"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Only downside is
that you can't shag her bareback in the interim.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Wed 22 Sep 2010, 22:30, Reply)

Hmm
I suppose one could increase the dose and only do it whilst she's up on bricks.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Ha, love it
Actually, I heard of some kind of scientific study in to jiz a few years ago, specifically that couples who use condoms were less happy and stable than couples who happily filled the appropriate orifice with filthy man fat on a regular basis.

Something to do with addiction to the hormones in it or something, they think.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)

It also increases the chances
of there being a match should one of you want a kidney
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)

What's the equivalent for anal?
Just out of curiosity and for academic reasons, of course.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:54, Reply)