Pre diversity training, I've just been given my Staff Welfare Pack, entitled"All About You".
I should have been given it when I started, but anyway. It contains such pearls of wisdom, such as walking more, including a Pedometer Record Card, and eating more fruit. I also have to be Someone's Superhero, involving drawing names from the theoretical hat, and doing something nice for a colleaguesuch as writing them a poem. Oh, my qualities must include being Thoughtful, Honest, Inspiring, Creative, Courageous and Valuing Difference.
And I can get counselling for £20 a pop.
I'm so looking forward to my training day.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Mar 2012, 9:59, 19 replies)

That's not a training course
that's a tick in the corporate responsibility box on some bid your company is going for.

In my company our Values are:
Straightforward
Helpful
Inspiring
Trustworthy

Just like Mr and Mrs Penis who called their son Arthur, they didn't quite think it through
.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 10:17, closed)

I sit in these meetings doodling
usually variations on "just kill me now"
or txt the same.
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 18:10, closed)

Do you work in telecommunications?
As those values sound suspiciously familiar, when you add "Heart"
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Tue 20 Mar 2012, 19:12, closed)

You are one of Captain Planet's Planeteers,
AICMFP.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 19:28, closed)

This corporate stuff just baffles me.
Never having worked in an office with more than 50 people, I have no concept of any of this thinking.

My training for operating within the environment I work in adds up to precisely zero.

The idea of a corporate document telling me to eat vegetables, or a day out learning how to climb a ladder is amusing, if not bizarre.
(username failed moderation, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 10:47, closed)

That reminds me:
I must sign up for Vegetable Safety in the Workplace.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 11:14, closed)

Surely that'll just say "Don't push them down the stairs, no matter how funny it may be!"

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 11:56, closed)

Wheelchairs: A Tripping Hazard

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 12:01, closed)

Wheelchair/ladder safety.
Timmy . . .?

Timmy . . . . . ?
(username failed moderation, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 12:09, closed)

When I worked in construction,
a verbal warning would consist of,"Don't fucking do it again,twat". Harsh, but fair.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Mar 2012, 12:30, closed)

There's a bit of a health drive
in my place of work, but I thinks it's justifiable since
a) we're the NHS
and
b) the office is full of people who would fall foul of the BMI/smoking restrictions that we enforce upon the rest of the population.

Quite why they think complimentary broccoli is the answer, is beyond me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 13:36, closed)

Complimentary
broccoli is NEVER the answer.
(username failed moderation, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 14:25, closed)

what if the question is....
what is a more eloquent description of free broccoli ?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 14:39, closed)

It is banned under
the Geneva convention, so it's moot.

Fucking broccoli.
(username failed moderation, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 14:48, closed)

...and his fucking spy films.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 15:23, closed)

I bet you hate sprouts as well......

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 15:24, closed)

Fuck yeah
horrible little green cunts.
(username failed moderation, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 15:27, closed)

I happen to like veg and love sprouts.
In fact, I used to suffer from vegetarianism, and its more serious condition, veganism. It's just I object to being told to eat it. If I want to live on doners, vodka and Curly-Wurlys, I will, and die fat and happy, in 6 months.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 10:09, closed)

This
is what happens when the woman are allowed into management positions.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 20 Mar 2012, 21:39, closed)