Pub quiz
At a pub quiz in Chalk Farm a few years back, the final result was tied between our team and the one next to us, so the quizmaster asked a tiebreaker question: "What happens if cows wander into a field where sugar beets grow?"

I'd never heard of this before, but I managed to work out the answer from first principles, and we won. The other team's answer? "They explode"...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:21, 45 replies)

Was the answer 'the sugar beet gets trampled and eaten'?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:22, closed)

that kind of goes without saying...
...but then what happens?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:24, closed)

The cows get put back in their field, digest the sugar beet and shit it out again.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:25, closed)

What's notable about a cow's digestive system?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:33, closed)

It's made of
solid gold.
(username failed moderation, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:34, closed)

I feel like Stephen Fry in a room full of Alan Davieses

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:34, closed)

Their arses actually work backwards.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:34, closed)

You're close with the "working backwards" bit

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:36, closed)

If you stretch it all out over a football field
The RSPCA get really annoyed.
(speedevil, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:35, closed)

but if you fry it with onions it's delicious

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:35, closed)

they chew, swallow, vomit up cud and then chew it again and swallow it again sending it to a separate stomach?
which in turn goes to the other stomachs before being shat out?
( Peej, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:36, closed)

You're extremely close
What happens to the material in a cow's stomach (any of them)?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:37, closed)

MacDonalds
put it in their apple pies.
(username failed moderation, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:38, closed)

It's softened?

( Peej, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:41, closed)

It ferments
and as andythepieman spotted below, when sugar ferments it turns to alcohol...so basically if you feed sugar beets to cows they make their own booze and get drunk
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:43, closed)

I reckon this is a myth

( Peej, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:46, closed)

find me a cow

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:48, closed)

I'm in Cornwall
there's fucking thousands of them. Fermentation take a while. Home made booze isn't alcoholic until its fermented for a while and needs yeast too.
( Peej, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:50, closed)

Well it won us the quiz
and I can't find anything on Google that disproves it
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:55, closed)

Well, if it's true
we should be drinking alcoholic milk.
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:11, closed)

Yeah, but would we call it alcomilk or milkohol?
This NEEDS to be answered
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 9:35, closed)

Nope
I heard this about cows eating windfall apples and having to call a vet. He thought his cows had BSE cos they were staggering around. Apparantly the apples had fermented because cows digest things slowly and they were alll rat arsed. I wonder what a cow with a hangover looks like?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 9:57, closed)

But where do they get matches from
and how do they strike them with cloven hooves?
(username failed moderation, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:47, closed)

They all clearly have sex with your mum

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:25, closed)

Hahahaha

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:29, closed)

Rory, glad you're back!
have you disabled the parental lock on the internet again?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:34, closed)

i dun wrkd ot al bi meslve

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:39, closed)

I'm sure the correct
answer is 'the price of diesel goes up'.

I say this not from a technical point of view, but because every fucking thing else seems to make the cunting price of diesel go up.
(username failed moderation, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:24, closed)

Haha

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:34, closed)

They get hyperglycemia.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:32, closed)

they get drunk
Have a sing song and firebomb world of leather
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:37, closed)

Ding, we have a winner
Award yourself an undetermined number of points
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:38, closed)

Can i redeem them
Behind the bar?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:44, closed)

You can try, but the barman's a punchy thief.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:45, closed)

absolutely
direct the barman to this thread to collect them
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:46, closed)

Fantastic
I'll have a pint of mild in a half pint glass please and a pickled egg
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:47, closed)

Gah, I'd kill for a pint of mild
/midlander living in the south blog
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:47, closed)

Gaz Scarpe he's the London based real ale expert round here

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 16:51, closed)

I call bollocks.
A quick google tells me that it is possible to safely feed livestock (including cows) sugar beet. If it got them pissed I doubt these people would be suggesting it:
www.omafra.gov.on.ca/english/livestock/beef/facts/sugarbeets.htm
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:55, closed)

Of course its bollocks
Sugar beet has been part of animal silage for centuries. You need yeast to ferment sugars, and yeast doesn't like living in acidic stomachs.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 19:46, closed)

But it works with the monkeys and elephants eating molasses...
...I saw it on TV when I was a kid. Giggled like a loon, so I did
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 9:37, closed)

Apples have natural yeast...
one of those city-tv-chefs-living-in-the-countryside-and-fliming-it-for-telly jobs made cider from apples (duh) and they said that apple skin has on it/contains a wild type of yeast
(Darth Thump, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 12:16, closed)

Yes...
...if you mill and press your apples and leave them nice and quietly in a vat, that is what will happen.

But a cow's gastric juices are strongly acidic, and yeast won't work under those conditions.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 20:11, closed)

The key word in that link being 'processed'
Not raw - so not quite the same thing
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 14:05, closed)

Buried in the page though is this:
"Cattle and sheep can consume unprocessed whole sugar beets."
It then goes on to explain who you may want to chop them up a bit to stop the animals choking.
I'm willing to believe that apples which have started to ferment may continue to do so whilst in a ruminant's stomach and, so, make them drunk.
Ruminants use bacteria in their stomachs to, for example, help break down cellulose into simpler sugars -- they don't make beer. This does not produce alcohol and bacteria which break down cellulose would not ferment sugar into alcohol.
[I only really googled this since the OP insists that nothing found on google disproves the theory. Simple common sense tells us this is extremely unlikely.]
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 14:30, closed)