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This is a question Weddings Part II

Attending a wedding is like being handed a licence to act like a twat. Oh how I laughed when I sobered up and realised I'd nicked most of the plates and cutlery from the posh hotel lunch and those vague memories of stealthily exiting like a cat-burglar had in fact involved falling out of the hotel, knives and forks clattering onto the steps.

Tell us more of your wedding stories.

(, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 18:10)
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i was the bridesmaid for evie, my oldest friend from school, a couple of years ago
she and her husband are both a bit scatty. when i arrived at the church for the rehearsal, they were late. she'd had her toe bitten by a dachshund and had to go for stitches/shots. meanwhile the groom, who never wears suits, had no idea that he needed cufflinks for all the men's shirts, and was on an emergency dash to buy 8 pairs of cufflinks. and the best man had broken down on the m6 and was being towed towards us very slowly.

we finally made it down the aisle, so i was standing behind her, her dad and the husband. the vicar started to drone the words. after a couple of minutes, evie asked where her bit was. when we looked, the vicar had absent-mindedly clasped her husband-to-be's hand with her dad's, and they were just standing there bemusedly holding hands in front of evie whilst the vicar said the vows.

meanwhile i had concerns about the church floor. it had a very ornate metal grate all down the centre of the aisle. i knew that i had to juggle 2 small children, a bouquet, a rather unchristian-deep-cut dress, the bride's veil and stiletto heels down that thing. i asked if i could walk along the side of it.

"no problem," the lying vicar twat said. "we cover it up with a red carpet on the day."

of course it turned out the red carpet was actually red tissue paper. as i turned around at the top of the aisle to sit down after taking the bride's bouquet, my heel pierced it, caught in the grate, and i stumbled in front of the whole congregation. the dress yanked down to lower than anyone - especially my dad and brothers - wanted to see, and i so so so nearly yelled, "FUCK!!!" in a house of god as i thought i was going to faceplant on the stone floor.

luckily i caught myself, and sat down with no more than a wrenched ankle, but of course everyone except the bride had seen it :( :( :(
(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 9:02, 14 replies)
And this is why you should wear SENSIBLE SHOES.

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 9:07, closed)
Also, you should totally go all Claims Direct on his ass, concealing hazards like that someone could have been killed

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 9:15, closed)
swipe -v- god

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 9:48, closed)
By "a bit scatty" do you mean they are coprophiles?

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 9:25, closed)
Did this actually happen, or is this merely a scene from your LOLarious shitcom/period drama?

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 9:44, closed)
it actually happened
let's face it, clumsy oaf gets heel stuck in grate is not a great story. but at least it doesn't involve skagra.
(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 9:48, closed)
Well that Miranda Hart bird seems to have got a prime-time series out of it. Fuck knows how.

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 10:03, closed)
Something something
Die in the Lake of Fire.
(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 11:27, closed)
But it did
I was there (in one of my male incarnations) and I watched and wanked.

(, Sat 8 Nov 2014, 10:57, closed)
just ... awful
(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 10:24, closed)
are you still alive?
it's amazing that a joyless sinkhole like you hasn't died of misery by now.
(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 10:26, closed)
never seen Miranda ... sounds shitter than I imagined

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 12:33, closed)
^ can't resist qotw's magnetic pull ^

(, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 12:39, closed)
And the video evidence is where?!
You never trust a vicar, I have a friend who is one and I trust him as far as I can throw him. He's a devious bugger and he knows it.
Good little story though.
(, Wed 5 Nov 2014, 10:32, closed)

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