One, two, three, four
As a sometime church organist I've seen/heard(/inflicted) my fair share of wedding music horrors.

I was once asked to accompany a trumpeter who would be playing "the Ave Maria" during the signing of the registers. Which Ave Maria? "Errrr..." There's two which are commonly chosen. There's the Bach/Gounod, and the Schubert. "Oh, it's the Bach." Sure? "Yes. Definitely the Bach."

Fine. Trumpeter goes off and learns the Bach.

Come the morning of the wedding, and the bride's mother hears the trumpeter playing the Bach. "That's nice, what is it?" "It's the Ave Maria for the signing of the registers." "Oh, no! That's not how it goes. We want the one that goes [starts warbling] Aaaaaaaaaa-ve Ma-riiiiiiiiii" etc.

Oh, you mean the Schubert.

Go home. Print off sheet music for the Schubert. Give to trumpeter. Trumpeter is bricking it at this point.

The wedding was three hours later. The trumpeter had been practising for three hours and had learned pretty much all the tune. Unfortunately he had, somehow, failed to spot that the piece is in 4/4 and was labouring under the misapprehension that it was in 3/4.

On the one hand, it's probably the only wedding I've played for where the guests have actually listened to the music during the registers. Sadly this wasn't due to the quality of the performance but more because they were pissing themselves at me shouting "ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!" at the poor trumpeter. Ah well.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Fri 14 Nov 2014, 17:55, 9 replies)

I wish I had been there. sounds like a hoot. an absolute hoot.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 14 Nov 2014, 18:50, closed)

I like this.
I heard a similar story from a bass soloist for the "Messiah" who found out on the morning of the performance that the conductor was going to do the long version of "The Trumpet Shall Sound", which is relatively rarely performed, so he had to learn the extra section on the train on the way down to the concert venue.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 14 Nov 2014, 18:59, closed)

Its charitable to assume a person isn't simply boasting when they tell a story
But in this case he clearly did mean to blow his own trumpet
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Fri 14 Nov 2014, 19:25, closed)

badoom-tish
or whatever the trumpet equivalent is
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Fri 14 Nov 2014, 22:38, closed)

wa-wa-wa-waaaa

( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Sat 15 Nov 2014, 5:52, closed)

by Jove he has hit it out of the ground

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 15 Nov 2014, 13:08, closed)

Oh so you're the bedwetter who has me on Ignore 2.0

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Sat 15 Nov 2014, 12:52, closed)

alright

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 14 Nov 2014, 21:01, closed)

I'm trying to imagine either version of Ave Maria
in 3/4, and struggling.

That trumpeter was a bit of a genius.
(username failed moderation, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:47, closed)