Gonna nick from my own blog here
And point out that their website has now changed, but the points still stand:

Prinzhorn Dance School.

I feel like I owe it to you to introduce you to possibly the shittest band this side of the Arctic Monkeys. Because I'm a bastard. And I want you to suffer like I suffer:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4AG3r-2aM0

Allow me to be rather self indulgent for a moment and quote my own blog in a post about how to write "quirky" music:

"Firstly, write a totally shit song that no-one actually likes, including yourself. If possibly try to make the lyrics a bit off the wall. Writing about something specific and mundane that absolutely no-one else can, or would want to, relate to is usually a good way of doing this. For example, you could write about the rusty hinges on your back gate. Or you could write about a yoghurt you once ate.

Next, record your song with a couple of your dickhead friends that can't actually play their instruments. Preferably, rope someone in who has never even played an instrument before, then teach them literally just enough to get to the end of the song. It doesn't matter if it's not great sounding, it's quirky. Alternatively, you can take on the role of "band" yourself, and record all your backing on the shittiest sounding 8 track recorder you can get your hands on. This makes you look especially quirky, because no-one uses 8 tracks anymore. Except people trying to be quirky.

Next call yourself, or your band, something that makes you sound like a gang of pretentious wankers. Again, you could reference so utterly mundane and self-specific that to anyone else it sounds like a catchy name thought up off the top of your head. Something like "Prinzhorn Dance School" ought to do it..."

Having done a little further research it turns out that Prinzhorn Dance School are apparently named after a Doctor Prinzhorn, famous for studies into mental health. Whilst not exactly self specific, I would like to point out that this study is obscure enough for it to sound like they thought of it off the tops of their heads, and as for mundanity, well it doesn't get much better than medical reports from the early 1900's does it? And as for sounding like a group of pretentious wankers? Well...

The mundane element is especially prevalent in this bands music. Allow me to quote further, from their review on allmusic.com:

"Repetition is another Prinzhorn Dance School obsession, and the one that makes the band polarizing. While "Crash, Crash, Crash" and "I Do Not Like Change" (which could be another PDS manifesto) come close to monotony, for most of the album the band's purposely limited sounds don't get in the way of them telling a story in their own fragmentary style"

I'm sorry, in what way can monotony be considered a good thing? And this is from a review that sings the praises of the band. I must have missed the announcement that told us that it's actually OK for music to be relentlessly boring and repetitive, I mean, it's different right?

Well, yeah, it is. But it's still monotonous and repetitive. Different doesn't mean good. It means "different". Something can be different and shit at the same time. And Prinzhorn Dance School are both. I'm sorry to have to resort to such basic, unintelligent commentary on the matter, but truly the most accurately descriptive phrase that could be applied to them are "they are shit". If a dog turd was musical, it would sound like Prinzhorn Dance School. If excrement could play the bass, it'd play the bass like Prinzhorn Dance School. If crap could sing, it'd sing like the guy from Prinzhorn Dance School. You get the idea...

It makes me wonder just how much of the bands sound really is "purposely limited", and how much of it just comes down to a lack of musical ability. Their website claims "we just take the sounds in our heads and record them on a cheap recording machine in an old building..." (which, incidentally, ties in rather nicely with what I said earlier about all so called quirky music being recorded on shitty recording equipment in order to sound 'Quirky'...). I mean, fuck, if the sounds in your head equates to a poorly played bass, poorly played guitar, and some of the most woeful vocals I've ever had the misfortune to hear then I'm guessing musical vision isn't exactly your forte. Saying their sound is "purposely limited" is like saying my knowledge of 12th century Greek architecture is "purposely limited". I know it exists, but could I tell you any more about it? No, could I fuck. Could Prinzhorn Dance School do anything with more scope than 2 dickheads twatting about with musical instruments which, quite frankly, should be taken off them? Again, no. A resounding no.

The band has a chance to redeem itself however, via lyrical content. Punk was never the most technically challenging or accomplished music, but it made up for it in sheer attitude and, for a while at least, having something to say. So does Prinzhorn Dance School save itself from that pit of absolute sub-par musical worthlessness by having some sort of hidden agenda?

Well, would I still be fucking writing if it did?

The truth is, their lyrics are, if anything, less imaginative than the music. At least the music requires some brain activity, if only to stimulate the limbs. It would seem that their vocal articulation is limited to simply saying things that exist. Or, in one truly tragic example, counting.

Not that Mr Hip Indie Music Critic writing the allmusic review would agree with that. Oh no. He ends one particularly misguided passage with a reference to:

"..."Worker"'s social commentary ("Mental health/Pills on a shelf")."

I'm sorry, what? Care to elaborate on that at all? Not only is that bad journalism, it's bullshit to boot. In what form can that be considered social commentary? Did I fucking miss something at university? Roland Barthes wrote social commentary. Theodor Adorno wrote social commentary. Jean Baudrillard wrote social commentary. This...This is simply two sentences that rhyme. And not even complete sentences at that. Actually, you're just saying two things that exist.

In some sort of wider context I could perhaps appreciate the understated meaning of the line. But, as with all of these pompous, elitist fuckwits that write this sort of drivel, he's reading in his own meanings that, whether there or not, can't actually be proven because of a distinct lack of context.

But maybe that's the point. By keeping things vague, or "purposely limited", you allow yourself to simply agree with whatever meanings the important people throw at you. Hell, if Mr Hip Indie Music Critic wants to read that meaning into it, why not let him? He'll probably only cream himself more for your next album when he gets the opportunity to review it, and once again prove to his readership how he has his skinny little indie fingers on the pulse of the scene, thus perpetuating an endless cycle of shit and self congratulatory indulgence. Maybe Prinzhorn Dance School are actually like Indie Simon Cowell's, deliberately pumping out shit to squeeze every penny out of the idiots who will pay for it?

And here's something else that pisses me right off. Why, on a website about your band, under the link "Pictures Of The Horn", would you include shitty fucking "arty" pictures you have taken at various pointless fucking locations around the world? If I'm clicking a link that purports to show me pictures of the band, sorry, "The Horn", why would I then want to look at pictures of a fucking teapot, or some shitty fucking collage you did? The answer: I don't.

These subtle little inclusions don't make me go "wow, these guys are really arty" or "hahaha, these guys are so wacky and 'out there'! ", although I suspect for a lot of people they do, they simply make me go "Wow. You utter gang of cunts." Am I supposed to be somehow impressed because you made a teapot? You obviously consider it of such worth that you include it on your fucking website.

And heres another choice quote written by the band themselves:

"people have written a lot about us and our music recently. we don't read much of it - reading about yourself is not good. it will send you insane. but this is what some people have said about the music we have released so far..."

I'm sorry, come again? Here you seem to be basically saying "We don't read about ourselves, but have a look at what we've read about ourselves." This isn't just remarkably contradictory, it also points to that atypical Indie "humbler-than-thou" attitude that is absolutely neccessary in order to keep the wool pulled down firmly over the eyes of their fanbase. It just simply isn't cool to say "hey, people like us", you have to sort of divert that into some sort of personal statement about how in no way, shape or form is it about being famous, and it's all about the music. The shitty, badly recorded, badly played and badly written music.

It's the same contradictory attitude that pisses me off about bands in any genre. If you're not interested in being popular, or famous as it's more commonly known, WHY SIGN A FUCKING RECORD DEAL???

Why have videos on MTV? Why play gigs? If the band is just about recording the sounds in your heads, why have I heard of you? You can at least have the modesty to admit that actually, you would quite like to be liked. Why not say "to record the sounds in our heads, and play them to people?" Why not even "to play a few gigs"?

Nooooooooooo, that would undermine the artistic integrity of the band. The artistic integrity of the band that somehow manages to manifest itself in very poorly written music and generic Indie weirdness (and that's an oxymoron).

Well, here's an artistic idea for you; take your shitty band, your shitty website, your shitty ideas, and your shitty fucking teapot, and just fuck off back to a time when I'd never heard of you, or your fucking appalling "music". Or better yet, why don't you have some sort of horrific fatal accident?

And you, Mr Hip Indie Music Critic, you can fucking join them too. I hope you all get fucking killed.
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:39, 16 replies)

Waaaaaay
too long.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:46, closed)

Oh, I don't know. Worth persisting with, I felt.
It made me laugh. And whilst I've never listened to the band in question, I wholeheartedly agree with a lot of the sentiments expressed in the above.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:48, closed)

Thought it would perhaps be more entertaining to explain my argument, rather than just go "Prinzhorn Dance School". Don't read it if you can't.
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:53, closed)

Ha!
I see what you did there.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:56, closed)

But that's enough about my penis. Now, onto the band...

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:45, closed)

tl;dr

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:47, closed)

See above.

( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:56, closed)

Earth to boring guy....

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:00, closed)

Righto.

( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:03, closed)

Ah, you know, just giving you a hard time.
The music writer is becoming a lost art. I remember poring over miles of print about The Who when I was a kid, even though they had already broken up and loving the information.

Sadly, most journalism about music artists tends to be the tabloid type and the real inside scoop is missing. If that's what you're gunning for, good luck - there is a vacuum out there.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 16:09, closed)

To be honest
I write just to get things out of my head. I've played in bands for about 10 years now, and I'm good too, but apparently not good enough to do it professionally. Part of why I write shit like that is because I love music, and part is because it pisses me off that bands like that get to make a living from not being very talented and I don't.

Jealous? Yes.
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 16:30, closed)

The girl's quite cute though.
Stopped and had a little listen on youtube half way through, little look around their site... agree with every word ^^. Pretentious "gang of cunts" (love it).
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:57, closed)

Can I unsubscribe to your blog please?
Ta.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:25, closed)

Hi-larious.

( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:28, closed)

Poo to you with knobs on!
I quite like them.

- Minimalist
- Groovy
- Prententious
- Fit Bass Player

But it's good to see that you really, really care so much.
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 16:25, closed)

i lasted 1 minute
god that was crap. you owe me for new ears.
(DissolvedMynci, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 23:11, closed)

Just listened to it.
Pretty good. 8/10.
You've got a bit too much time on your hands, unless somebody's paying you to be a music journalist.
( Zuowan, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 5:01, closed)

I get paid to make music videos
and spend a lot of time watching, studying and writing about them. As a result I often end up finding shit like this that I feel I have to write about, if only to make what I do better.
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 31 Dec 2010, 13:52, closed)

You could have written a good song in the time it took to write this.

(Styubud, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 17:56, closed)

I've written plenty of good songs.

( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 31 Dec 2010, 21:49, closed)

Link?
Could make a change from all the other links this QOTW is triggering.
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Sun 2 Jan 2011, 14:51, closed)

Certainly.
www.myspace.com/aconflicttocure

This is my last band. We wrote and recoded a 13 track album, were nearly done mixing it, were about to put it out and our singer quit. The mp3s on the myspace page are some of the demos from that album. We're re-recording some of the guitar parts, then we're going to put the whole album up there for free download.

Incidentally, when I said I've written plenty of good songs, I meant metal/rock songs. If you're not into that kind of music then you probably won't like this. If you are, then listen to "Shock And Awe".
( PMGT -Bacon., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 15:25, closed)