Elastrator
This is likely to be the worst band you'll come across if you're a young male animal. Its a heavy duty rubber band (elastrator band) that goes over the scrotum and testicles of stock in order to castrate them. After a couple of weeks the scrotum dries up and drops off.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 7:29, 14 replies)

Ouchy ouch.
So if you're a young female animal, it's best to find a male who's balls haven't dropped..?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:08, closed)

Where can I get one from?
and are they adjustable?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:18, closed)

I think there might be a tv show in here somewhere,
where an expert in these bands has to take several celebrities under their wing and train them over many weeks until they can slip them on to chavs unnoticed as they walk down the high street in Slough. The climax of the last show would involve the audience being checked for different coloured bands on the way out at the end, giggling maniacally about having been got by Cheryl Cole, without even noticing their plums are now lying on the floor and are caught in a tug of war between a couple of street rats.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:31, closed)

You are Charlie Brooker
AICMFP

It would be called something like "Cheryl Cole's Chavfest Castratorama"

everybody likes a binary alliteration.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:34, closed)

^this!

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:38, closed)

I *wish* I were Charle Brooker
High praise indeed, sir :-D

I've simply just got up and had too much coffee...

/Edit - awesome name for the show. Was thinking the other day, Charlie should resurrect "TV Go Home" in Sickipedia format so we can all contribute and vote.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:39, closed)

The postman got me out of bed
not literally of course. I took his key off him after last time.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:40, closed)

I've been watching
all the Screenwipe episodes on YouTube, which I recommend if you're a fan. And you can read his column on the Guardian website along with a massive archive going back several years.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:49, closed)

That's my day taken care of then :-)
No, no, no, must actually work today. This "working from home" lark is kinda tricky...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 9:12, closed)

TV Go Home, the book
has been long out of print but has just been republished - and Amazon have it on cheap too.

www.amazon.co.uk/TV-Go-Home-Charlie-Brooker/dp/0571272193/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1293789178&sr=8-1
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 9:53, closed)

Ah, nice!
Cheers :-D
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 9:55, closed)

Or the website
which has everything rather than a good selection. Though you can't read the website on the toilet unless you have a notebook. It won't work properly on a phone because he was clever enough to create each page as a image rather than a load of text that could be ripped off.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:25, closed)

Ah, yes, been there many times
My favourite's got to be "Man vs The Mindspool", a gameshow where contestants are connected to a machine which prints their thoughts on a screen, which they have to read aloud at knifepoint. Last person to go mad wins.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:06, closed)

Hmmmm
Nullo and the Elastrators is a good name for a band.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 9:33, closed)