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This is a question Worst Band Ever

If I was in charge of the B3ta fatwa department, we wouldn't be hearing too much from Simply Red in the future. Who's on your musical shit list and why?

(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:00)
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Alicia Keys
Two reasons;
1) She's somehow been bestowed the title of Legendary Singer-Songwriter, worshipped by fans who praise her 'real music' (the dullest of all musics), awarded a metric crap-tonne of tuppenny-hapenny gongs, with a 3CD 'Platinum Collection' under her belt, despite having about three boring songs to her name. And one of them was a bloody rip-off of We Are the Champions.
2) That fuck-dismal New York song. Holy shitpies, what a steaming pile. Nice enough as a sample in someone else's song, but pull it out and inspect the whole thing, and it's like seeing what goes into sausages. Considering she's supposed to be a proper singer-songwriterzzzzzz, she does a bloody good impression of a seven year-old writing a song about What I Done On My Holidays.

Let's take a closer look at her lyrical genius;

Grew up in a town, that is famous as a place of movie scenes
Yes. New York appears in a lot of films. Good spot.

Noise is always loud / There are sirens all around
Hey, you know something? She's right! I saw one of those movies once, and there WAS a lot of noise! And it was all around! Especially the sirens. All over the bloody shop, those sirens.

If I could make it here / I could make it anywhere / That’s what they say
Ooh, that's a clever line, that! If you could make it there, you could make it anywhere. Yes, that's got a ring to- Hang on, Who's 'they'? Oh yes - The writers of 'New York, New York', a song about New York. Still, don't worry. Leave it in, I'm sure nobody remembers it. Got any other astute observations that other people have made? Are the cops not that smart?

New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
Now THAT is good. Because when you think about it, New York is a lot like a jungle that's made of concrete. That's a great metaphor, I can see it taking off. And you're right, it is the place where dreams are made of... Of... Made of what? Did your pen run out then?

There’s nothing you can’t do
Really? I'm fairly sure they frown upon dog-bumming.

Hail a gypsy cab / Takes me down from Harlem to the Brooklyn Bridge
Fascinating. I once took the A1 up past Newark, then onto the A57 through Worksop then up to Sheffield, where I had a bit of trouble with the ring-road and had to make a dodgy U-turn in the middle of town to get - Oh, wait! I've just realised, running through a route you once took in excruciating detail is actually incredibly boring, and not the sort of thing you usually find passing for lyrics. Sorry.

Hear it for New York, New York, New York

Imagine my surprise when, during that legal tussle a few months ago (between this 'song' and the far superior Newport video), it was revealed that there were actually about seven writers responsible for the above dreck. Yes, it took more people to write that pony than it does to land a plane.

Christ's balls.
(, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 23:59, 4 replies)
My favourite Alicia Keys song
is that adult contemporary-sounding one where she groans "since you're gooooooooooooooone" and she's nearly a full quarter tone off-key. Were the producer, engineer(s) and editor(s) all deaf?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 0:13, closed)
Why do so many people celebrate the fact that she's off key?
It's shit!
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 9:53, closed)
I seem to remember
Guns & Roses going on about "welcome to the jungle, the concrete fucking jungle" , back in the 80's.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 1:32, closed)
this is all true

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 6:37, closed)

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