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This is a question Worst Record Ever

What's your worst record ever? And why? Most amusing reasons and tracks will be played on Friday's B3ta Radio Show.

(, Tue 2 Dec 2003, 17:26)
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This question is now closed.

Charlie Lownoise & Mental Theo
Actually made some good songs.
But there's one called girls. Imagine each line sung the same way, add an annoying "Newzealand Story" background a topping of Europop cheese and you have it... A classic no doubt.
Classical first verse and chorus below.
** are my notes.

And I all I really want is girls
And in the morning its girls
And in the evening its girls

I like the way they walk
And it's usually getting dark
And I can always make you smile
From Newcastle to the Nile (** WTF?)

Back in the day
There was this girl around the way
She liked my home piece MCA
She said she would not give a play
I had to 'preciate sit-u-a (** oh dear)
Her friends were fine so thats ok
And she would dance with the DJ
We took a walk down to the bay (** Look, every line rhymes with "gay" )

(GIRLS) they do the dishes
(GIRLS) they clean up my room
(GIRLS) they do the laundry
(GIRLS) and in the bedroom (GIRLS)

edit : Left the song running in the background...another 12 lines at least of the same. ALL RHYMING WITH -AY Arrgggh!! Appalling.
edit2 : Also take a look at "Ultimate Sex Track" by the above. 30sec porno intro, then hardcore beats with "Check the penis" over the top. Easily found on Kazaa, prob due to having "sex" in the title.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 20:39, Reply)
Gareth Gates
Wasn't going to nominate him as he seems like a cliche for these kinds of lists but have you heard "Say it isn't so"?

Can I say, it makes Westlife filler tracks look profound.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 20:34, Reply)
Whistle While You Work
The rock and roll version by Alvin and The Chipmunks. I had the album "Lets sing with the Chipmunks" when I was little and it made me nervous.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 20:06, Reply)
don't forget
Habba Habba Zot Zot by Caramba! It rocks, is sucks, it's ummm crooked...
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 19:50, Reply)
Housemaid Ft. Kim - 'Fish'
Hmm, not sure if this properly counts because it isn't the worst record ever. That is 'Little Children' by Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas and I'm sure the Michael Jackson version would be up there, too. But hear me out. Fish should be in here because it is truly awful. Think mid-90s cheesy Euro-house, if measured on the Stilton Scale of 1-10 and Culture Beat's 'Mr Vain' is a 6.9, 'Fish' ranks as at least 12.9 - it is that cheesy. The main riff is stolen from some other track which is lost in the sands of time or Room 101. The vocals are the typical female singer who isn't singing in her first language but still trying her best style. This is all bad, but not grotesquely bad. But then we come to the sleeve. Picture, if you will, a cartoon fish with a penis for a nose. And then the lyrics. The main hookline: 'There are two things in the world that smell like fish. One of them fish...what's the other one?' And if the subject of the song wasn't already abundantly clear the singer helpfully inquires 'do you ever wash that thang?'

I've always hoped and assumed that the song was a joke and have taken it as such, but if serious...it has to be among the worst records of all time. And I have a copy of it...for some unknown reason.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 19:26, Reply)
So many to choose from
Top of my shit list has to be Revolution 9 by The Beatles..pretentious bull masquerading as music polluting an otherwise great album (The White Album).

Any body mentioned Renee and Renatta yet (Save your Love)? Save my ears more like.

"Uptown Top Ranking" by Althea and Donna. Downtown bottom wanking would be nearer the mark.

Zak, it was Jonah Lewie who sung "Stop the Cavalry". Actually, I don't mind it too much.

Anything by William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy. Boldly sod off please, and never torture our ears again.

Who the hell told R Kelly he could sing? Please stop it now R Kelly, it isn't funny any more.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 19:21, Reply)
Anything that's 'World Music'
I'm with Roger Waters who said 'the only thing that matters is if it moves you' so I'm loath to slag off any particular tune because it may mean something to someone.

However, any music that has been written/produced soley to make money (pop idol muppets/fast food rockers) or produced so it wont offend anyones musical sensibilities ('world' music) i.e. so boring it is like plain boiled potatoes, is utterly hateful. See the Mazda 'Zoom zoom zoom' advert for an example. *bokes*
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 18:44, Reply)
Update on Phil Keaggy
Extensive research reveals that Phil is apparently a shit hot guitarist, who's only not big cos he's very christian, and Survivor is a pro-life song about someone who survives an attempted abortion (hence the "take away my life" bit).

However I don't remember hearing any shit hot guitar playing on it, so maybe he's just shit. The song certainly is.

Sadly over 2 hours of clicking on the "Search More" button in Kazaa has not found it - I heard it on my mate's MP3 player a while back but he hasn't got internet at the moment and lives in Exeter which is bloody miles away.

EDIT: and no he can't remember why he has that tune on his MP3 player, apparently it just "appeared" there one day!

EDIT 2: Kazaa finally hits paydirt, MP3 on the way!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 18:36, Reply)
Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes
I'd kill to never have to hear that shite again.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 18:31, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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