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This is a question Worst Record Ever

What's your worst record ever? And why? Most amusing reasons and tracks will be played on Friday's B3ta Radio Show.

(, Tue 2 Dec 2003, 17:26)
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This question is now closed.

Song: Don't Know Why I Didn't Come - Nora Jones

Reason: If you don't know Nora, you're lover has no hope.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:49, Reply)
Frog Chorus - Paul McCartney
Like pissing in the grave of Paul McCartney...
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:42, Reply)
to stick together a couple on the list ...
I've got the Gregorian Chant version of Blue Monday somewhere ... it's pish.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:41, Reply)
Celine Dion
Anything by that fucking, self-loving, bent nosed, pseudo-Frog/Canadian hybrid bitch.

There I said it.............
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:37, Reply)
I would have to say anything on the Pinky and Perky album,
And you've just got to listen to it to know how shyte it is.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:24, Reply)
After a little more thought....
... i have decided to change my origional choices slightly
1. laughing gnome - David Bowie - reasons, this must have been the first shite pop song ever and spawned all others, if i wanted to listen to old music by a druged up hippie i'd listen to yellow submarine by the beatles, even ringo can write better!! plus the song is audio torture, worse than scratching a black board!!!

2 who let the dogs out - B Boys - yes someone actually covered it, and its worse, even more out of tune if possible

3. mr blobby - mr blobby - i would rather pop my own ear drums with a rusty fork, than listen to this

4. propa crimbo - avid merrion - yes he a bit funny, and the video is amusing, but this 'song' is awful, out of tune and well really really bad.... it is also a christmas song which are mainly crap (i like the darkness though, so shoot me)

5. The Millennium Prayer - cliff richard - for a start this song is evil, then the song (if it can be called that) doesn't fit the music, its like trying to get a circle in a square hole, it just doesn't work

well that is all for now but more may come to me (sorry)...
..i really hate that gnome song
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:21, Reply)
anything tv related
hows about john inman - are you being served
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:17, Reply)
"Where Did You Go To My Lovely" by Peter Sarstedt
makes me want to die, cleanly and quickly.

it just goes on and on and on...
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:14, Reply)
"Opps up side your head" - can't remember the artist but remember getting a dirty bum on many a church hall floor whilst throwing myself from side to side and doing the "moves". My leg-warmers and rah-rah skirt didn't know what was going on.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:10, Reply)
I absolutely hate...
Gloria Gaynor - I will survive
I'd rather eat my eyeballs than listen to that crap!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 17:09, Reply)
Robbie Bleedin' Williams
I'm astonished that I can find no trace of him in this thread. How did a vacuous pretty boy dancer from Take That become one of the best-selling songwriters (sic) of our times? He somehow sidesteps the flak (much deserved) aimed at the manufactured crap filling the charts even though he's a prime example. The cheeky chap bollox is so irritating and his (sic) songs are trite. He's the king of karaoke - the songs are so popular because anybody can sing them as well as him. Go to any bar in any town at 11.15pm any given Friday and you'll find some lagered-up terwat singing Angel at the top of his voice. And sounding just as passable as good old Robbie. When is he going to go away?
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 16:44, Reply)
Heeey, Ratfans!
First album I ever bought was Marillion: Real to Reel, then I bought Roland Rat: The Album! I was only about 10 years old, which I think is a pretty good excuse? I think I'm more embarassed by the Marrilion album, to be honest. the video for Assassin was kinda kewl, I think. Or at least I thought that when I was a kid. I can't rememeber it now. After that, I bought Art of Noise: Who's afraid of... I still listen to it! :)

I also bought that horridable Chaka Demus & Pliers single by accident. I meant to buy Haddaway: What is love.. you couldn't imagine the horror when I pressed play! squeeze me, squeeze me, squeeeeze mee AAAAAAaaaaaAARRRRRGHHH!!!!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 16:42, Reply)
I've got two
Clocks by Coldplay. That bastard whiner (sorry, singer) up front pisses me off to the max. Coldplay in general piss me off - they wanna-be Radiohead and aren't even good at it ("singin...")
Also, in me attic I found the most bizarre thing - a vinyl copy of some Super Mario Land record. What?? 'Also featuring MC Mario' or whatever. This record makes absolutely no sense anyway.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 15:08, Reply)
Can't be
arsed to read it all, so.......
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by William Shatner.
Whoever told him he should release a record at least had a sense of irony I suppose

(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 15:07, Reply)
Pass and move (It's the Liverpool groove) by Liverpool FC
Oh......and anything by Phil Collins. (I'm still chuckling about him getting mugged the other day. That'll teach you to come back here ya tosser. Just leave us alone and we'll leave you alone).
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 15:03, Reply)
When I was in high school
they - wait a minute I sounded like my grandfather there. To clarify: I graduated in June. Right then. They would play songs over the PA system right after the morning bell rang, presumably to wake us up. This was always rather interesting. Once, for about a month, they played something which could best be described as jungle porno music. Another one was a techno remix of one of Bach's sonatas. Ouch. On one specific day, for no apparent reason, they played the background music from various levels in one of the NES Megaman games. (It bothered me deeply that I could recognise the levels some of them were from.) But the worst? Every year the drama department put on a play. Always a musical. And, once the official rehearsals had begun, they would play songs from the musical in the morning for weeks. This last year, they did 'The Sound of Music.' Nothing like being half-asleep, walking to class, and listening to that accursed 'So Long, fair well' song.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:50, Reply)
Anything by the Thrills... Ever.
Not just cause the singer has an irritating voice, or that all they do is whine about wanting to be in America all the time, but in June my Ex-flatmate bought the album and proclaimed in his smuggest voice that 'this is the record of our summer'... The prat.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:48, Reply)
Yoko Ono
ANYTHING that had Yoko Ono anywhere fuckn near it gets my vote.
The last thing John Lennon needed was some squawky gold-digger parrot woman to convince him to stop writing class, witty songs (like he did in the Beatles) and start writing absolute nonce-sense like the Ballad Of John And Yoko ( I mean, save the effort of releasing the song and just skip to giving yourself a self-congratulatory blowjob please...) and such "classics" as Give Peace a Chance ( surely should have been called "Give Myself a Self-Congratulatory Blowjob")and FUCKN Happy Xmas/War Is Over (What the watermelon? The war won't be over until I see Yoko Ono brought to justice)
Also, this might just seem like an attempt to be "cool" and dismiss one of the most popular songs ever (a song I liked a lot as a littl'un), but Imagine, lyrically, is a TOTAL load of wank and makes nonce-all sense.

Other abbhorations produced by the Lennon/Ohno(!) musical firing squad included:
Instant Karma!
Power To The People
Cold Turkey
And the brain-smashingly infantile and offensive Love.

Now I can't deny that during the Plastic Ono Band era, Lennon made some smashing music (Working Class Hero and Jealous Guy) and there were many great Beatles records made while Ono was hanging about, yet I still feel that this monkey-woman made a mug of one Britain's finest musical talents and in my eyes made him a LAUGHING stock.

Also, my contempt for "Sir" Paul McCartney knows no bounds, fucking money-grabbing, spineless, sickeningly traitorous leech that he is. I mean, imagine suing you three lifelong best friends for millions? Imagine being responsible for Mull of Kintyre and simply Ensuring Everyone Else Has A Miserable Christmas Time? Imagine being married to Linda McCartney? Imagine no religions, it isn't hard to do...

That's why I say George Harrison was the best Beatle!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:47, Reply)
Deixei tudo por ela.
by Ze Cabra
I almost forgot this gem. You really have to hear it to fully appreciate the beauty of one of the worst singers ever.

This is the story behind Ze Cabra: he’s a portuguese emigrant in France who recorded a CD with his own money. A couple of years go by and no one bought that piece of crap until it got airplay in the morning show of a portuguese radio just for laughs.
All of a sudden this guy starts going to TV shows and his CD goes GOLD. Yes you heard me right. That piece of crap actually went gold here in Portugal.
Believe me, that's the WORST record ever.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:46, Reply)
Yodeling Overtures
by Mary Schneider,

Somehow i watermelonly hate yodel music
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:34, Reply)
Rolf Harris: Someones pinched me winkles
Ah Rolf, a veritable goldmine of dodgy songs. Probably a bit late for the show but this one reminds me of being on a Youth Club weekend away in the seventies (I was about 6, my parents were running the w/e) and everyone latching on to this one at the disco. It was played 7 or 8 times in one evening as I recall.

Here's some lyrics:

The Cockney tribes in Britain were meeting for the games
Held annually, once a year, along the River Thames,
The scene was quiet and peaceful, the snow lay on the ground
The Cockneys by their cooking pots were huddled all around.
The chief was in his tepee his face all lined with wrinkles
When up the river came the cry
"someone's pinched me winkles!"
Me winkles have been pinched (oobie dooby) me winkles have been pinched,
Now some people say it's a load of old nonsense but a winkle's got a lot of vitamin contents
Never win that race tomorrow I'll be a big disgrace tomorrow
I'll search the blinking place tomorrow, but tomorrow is too late
Some rotter's pinched me winkles off me plate.
(I turned round and wheeeet, they were gone)

et cetera
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:33, Reply)
The Carpenters. Top of the World.
The lyric that hurts me the most is; 'A pleasing sense of happiness for me.'
I mean, as opposed to what, A displeasing sense of happiness?
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:22, Reply)
Anything by Avril Lavigne...
..but particularly, Avril Lavigne covering System of a Down's 'Chop Suey'. She just gives up on trying to sing actual words and goes 'nnnnnnnnahh' - painful, but damn funny.

And then there's Scatman John ...
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:21, Reply)
Timmy F*ckwit Mallett
Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, definately ranks as worst song ever. How could they ever let a Kiddy-Fiddler like Mallett record a song and host kids t.v?!?! (he always seemed a bit weird to me)It's good to see he has dissapeared back to obscurity - where he belongs YAY!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:15, Reply)
Timmy Twunt-faced Mallett
Oh my god, I reckon Itsy-bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini, definately ranks as one of the worse songs EVER! Its good to see 'Kiddy-fiddler Mallett'(he always seemed like a perv to me!) has dissapeared into obscurity - where he belongs! YAY!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 14:07, Reply)
Bad, bad music - some unintentionally, some deliberate evil
Billy Bragg - She's Leaving Home
Mud - Tiger Feet
Slade - Merry Christmas Everbody
The Thrills - Anything by The Thrills
Bobby Vinton - Rubber Ball
R Kelly - I Believe I Can Fly
Keith Harris and Orville - I wish I could fly
Pop Idol - Happy Christmas (War is Over)
Pop Idol & Popstars - In general
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 13:51, Reply)
Daphne and Celeste "Oooh Stick You"
I had to listen to this on the phone while waiting to contest a parking ticket with Plymouth City Council. The b*stards kept me on hold for a whole hour with this sh*t on loop!

To the 'person' at Plymouth City Council who decided that this 'tune' was perfect for callers to listen to when in a queue...

... I hope you DIE of Crippling Knob Rot!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 13:23, Reply)
What, EVER ever?
Gotta be Bring Me Edelweiss by Edelweiss. Introduced to it through my Dad. Still get headaches thinking about it. Been said already?

By the way, I hope the bloke talking below about a 'Mumu-land' song isn't referring to the KLF, who were, in every sense of the word, flonking brilliant!
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 12:32, Reply)
Worst Record?
Ohhh there's so many, many's the happy hour that I've spent leafing through my CD collection, pulling out the odd one and wondering 'what the watermelon was I thinking?'

Two that I've never owned but must be mentioned, if only for their God-awful lyrics:

Bryan Adams and that no-mark dance act thing he did (Chicane?)

"Don't worry if the sun doesn't shine, it's been there before, there's no need to worry" I mean, just read that again - what the watermelon is that supposed to mean?

And anything by Eifel67, particularly their seminal hit whose name momentarily escapes me, but which went - "Everybody, come on everybody, move your body, come on everybody" repeated in an irritating nasal, Cod-English voice ad infinitum. And it reached number one. Christ.
(, Thu 4 Dec 2003, 12:22, Reply)

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