I want to add some rapping to a thing I did but I don't know how to do rapping without sounding like a middle-aged white man who doesn't know how to rap trying to rap.
When you are rapping what tricks do you use to sound like you know how to rap?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:51, archived)

I write down some lyrics that rhyme
then I find a beat that matches my natural flow
then I punch myself in the throat and, whilst rolling around gasping for air like a seagull-beplucked koi carp on the lawn, realise that anyone who raps is a cunt, and bin the idea.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:53, archived)

Rapping is the new crooning.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:53, archived)

My rhymes flow like my charts.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:10, archived)

I'm spittin' like Sylvester
when I'm lookin' atchor Tweety Pie, baby girl
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:14, archived)

I gotta plyon
checkin' out her nylons
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:18, archived)

I like to roll my R's
For example RrRRrRrRRrRRRRr EWIND


Also, saying "Uh..Uh..." every so often, and sprinkle "fuckin'" and "ma hoes" around the gaps in the "songs".
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:54, archived)

I'm far too intelligent to be able to rap

( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:55, archived)

Say that to MC Hawkings

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:56, archived)

ok, how can I contact him?

( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:57, archived)

Only by getting to the finals of the 2009 World Rap Battle.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:58, archived)

Surely releasing an independant 7" vinyl dissin' his homies and saying all his bitches got pox, yo
would get him round to your crib sharpish
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:01, archived)

or saying all his bitches work in the private care industry.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:21, archived)

Why the fuck would I want to rap?

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 18:00, archived)

If Baldmonkey starts to rap, rapping will be considered cool again
and the whole board will be doing it. You don't want to feel left out do you?
( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:06, archived)

hold onto your bottom lip
this will make you sound blacker.
( WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:06, archived)

I just got attacked by some cunt seagull on my roof
dirty motherfucking gull fucker.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:10, archived)

This actually happened :(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:21, archived)

I HOPE YOU ARE OK

( Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

Hold me :(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

attacked as in pecked/clawed?

( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

it's eyes like hot coals the fearsome beast dove at me, it's cruel talons outstretched, all the time screeching like a devil;
so I waved my arms around and screamed and it backed off, this happened a few times.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

yo, I totally shot a policeman daddy-o

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:10, archived)

I am raising my hands in a manner showing a general disregard for things.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:20, archived)

I say hey
ho
hey
ho
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:13, archived)

Well I click my fingers
and stomp my feet
& shake my white bottom
to the funky beat
if you can look
as cool as me
then a tip-top rapper
you will surely be
( broadsword, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:25, archived)

I am cringing so much I just turned inside out.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:28, archived)

Wow. You're even sexier on the inside.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:28, archived)

it's what's inside that counts!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:30, archived)