Alright you terrible shitheads. I've been invited to two summer weddings these coming months.
Recommend a date and suggested attire.


One is Queer Eye's.
That's an inside quip for you JMG information fans.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

Weddings are unutterably dull
unless there's a free bar, of course. Then there might be a fight.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:33, archived)

Oh Queer Eye's will be brilliant.
I put good money on it being a hoot.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

Don't wear a beret
Don't take a beret as a date
( GrandmaOfShoes, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:33, archived)

This is sage advice.
My initial answers were Beret, Baldmonkey.
You've set me right here, GMoS.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

I'm always here to help

( GrandmaOfShoes, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

weighted disk like item used on track and field events...
discus.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

Wear a trilby and cape.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:33, archived)

Fuck it, I'll go with you if there's free drink involved.
I have a dress somewhere.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

Weddings are so dull.
See if you can avoid being present until the free alcohol begins.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

I'll tart myself up and you can take me.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

+ up the arse.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

Hurrah for interesting wedding photos.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

Linguistication must have posted

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

I've fallen out with him. I'm VERY annoyed on the internet about it all.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

I wiped, after.

(Linguistication everything is prosable., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

HELLO SYNCUBUS

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:49, archived)

Linguistication Syncubus
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:47, archived)

yup
it's the redneck transvestite all right
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:49, archived)

Seems to have already been banned.
Ah well.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:50, archived)

Octember 32nd
butt nekid
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

well,
here's the date

and heres the attire.
( Devil Duck: ( ' )< and his cunning stunts, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

GOLLY!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

How PC of you,
but im not black.
( Devil Duck: ( ' )< and his cunning stunts, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

Better
attire.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

A grey suit with matching waistcoat. Pink shirt, dark red tie
Bonus points will be earned for selecting a tie that matches the bridesmaids' dresses; more points will be earned if pointing this out leads to a sexual enounter of the first, second or third kind.

Alternatively, outdress everyone including the groom by hiring a morning suit for the wedding, and a dinner suit for the dinner. Black tie, of course.

RNUK HAS SPOKEN.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

Pink shirt and dark red tie?
That sounds fucking horrible.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

Maroon, then.
A subtle pink, not a stupid garish pink.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

Hmm, I suspect that would look like nice on Noit, him being quite sallow, but he'd never wear pink.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

Only the toughest men in the world wear pink.
So you're probably right.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

umm
toughest men in the world gays and the welsh

you are right about the grey suit though.

must be 3 piece. crisp white shirt and red tie.

this is the outfit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

Why all the line breaks?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

Makes up for lack of content.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

Does it?
Does it really?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

it's how I think
I've tried to stop putting in too many line breaks. I can't help myself though.
Why does it bother you so much?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

It was just a question, calm down.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

I am calm
mine was just a question too
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

with the white shirt and red tie
he'll look like a politician.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

I disagree
with a light to medium grey suit and waistcoat a white shirt and red tie looks good.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:47, archived)

It's just making me think of David Cameron.
Also, not too light a grey on the suit, otherwise he'll need to shove up the sleeves, get a Dirty Den cut and start driving a mark 1 astra.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:50, archived)

I was thinking something like this
www.b3tards.com/u/48ca4e4a50b7cad28251/dscf1703.jpg
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:51, archived)

I'd call that a medium grey, yeah
alright, that's very nice. Lovely waiscoat, I do love a 3 piece.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:54, archived)

I kind of forgot how dark my suit was
3 piece is the business
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:57, archived)

That is very nice.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:57, archived)

thanks
it's nice to go to a couple of weddings and find that your suit is the nicest one there.

very comfortable for balcony sitting and croissant eating also
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:03, archived)

The bride will be wearing enough white.
Get in pink, or if you're scared, light blue.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

light blue is almost as gay or welsh as pink

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

light blue is 79.6% gayer than pink.
At least if you're wearing pink, it says "I'm confident enough to pull this off."

Light blue is clearly the pussiest of all of the colors.
(Linguistication everything is prosable., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

I'm not up on the shirt/tie combo, but I like your thinking on this.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

The key is to stand out, JMG.
In the current climate of mass hirings of suits by a single tailor for one party, he who wears pink to everyone else's white will be a king amongst men.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

Freddy Mercury says "YES"...
...and a Queen, later.
(Linguistication everything is prosable., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

Oooh no, never pink shirts.
Still the grey suit, but I'd make it a green/darker green shirt and tie combo.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

Green?
Are you on crack or something?
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

Green is nice, pink is SHIT.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

THIS.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

Maybe in Ireland, where the populous might be sober just long enough to slur their way through their vows
but not here. Oh no.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

What the fuck has that got to do with green being nicer than pink?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

Nothing.
I just felt like getting in an irrational insult.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

Fair enough.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

If you want to wear a pink shirt
just be a man about it, stop going at it half-arsed and just wear a pretty princess frock.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

They don't believe us.
Pillocks.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

I like maybe one shade of pink, that's it.
Green is looovely. Not as nice as black or red, though.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

Green's my favourite colour, by far.
Green and black together, oh yes. I own far too many green or green and black things.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

Mine is red.
Even my glass are red. Well, my old ones are. But I am wearing those, seeing as I've broken and lost my two new pairs.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

I've got new, retro tortoiseshell glasses
they're almost horn-rimmed. Oooh they're lovely.

My old glasses were red. Well, a dark red.

Glasses are brilliant. I'm never getting laser treatment.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

Yeah, I'd miss wearing glasses too much.
I want new glasses, but i am poor.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

I am now I've bought these
but free reactions at specsavers made me decide to finally buy some new ones. I've needed a new prescription for a while so I don't feel too bad.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:51, archived)

Do reactions work properly?
They used to be crap, I haven't heard anything about them lately.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:53, archived)

They do, aye.
Not that I have anything to compare them to.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:54, archived)

Cool, might start saving, so.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:58, archived)

I would, while they're free.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:00, archived)

Although if you don't get reactions,
the frames are half price!

I went for this option with my new glasses instead.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:09, archived)

Yeah, I did that last time and then NEVER wore my second pair
so I thought fuck it.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:10, archived)

I'm with runky on this.
A green shirt would look ridiculous. Not sure I'd go with the red tie, but that's a matter of taste.

I don't know where women got this reputation for knowing how to dress, but it's clearly bollocks.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:49, archived)

In my mind
pink is for little girls and cheap strippers. I hate it.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:50, archived)

I don't know how to dress
this is why I look like I got dressed in the dark.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:50, archived)

Hahaha. This.
A darker pink tie would be better than a red tie, I think. Or yes, maroon.
( Jobe, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

green sucks. almost as much as pastels. GET SOME COLOUR MAN!
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

Hire?
What are you, some kind of poor person? Every man of taste must surely already own varied and appropriate dress for both morning and evening wear.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

The advantage of hiring a morning suit
is that it after you've spilt your third bloody mary down it, the dry-cleaning bill rests with the shop and not you.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

Ah, I hadn't thought of that.
I apologise and retract my accusation.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

Let this be a lesson to you.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:42, archived)

I wish I had a wedding to go to this summer.

( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

You probably know some men.
Just marry one of them for a bit.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:51, archived)

You have to wear a hat.
You wouldn't want to blind the vicar, resulting in him falling in the font and the ceremony getting cancelled.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

Wear a waist coat and monocle.
Take your mum.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

*Firm handshakes*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

Medjool and Dunlop.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

Will you be my best man?

( Jobe, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

JMG is THE best man.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

I've won awards.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

Excellent.
I look forward to your speech.
( Jobe, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

Barefooted.
*dusts hands off*
(Linguistication everything is prosable., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

...

...

what?
( Devil Duck: ( ' )< and his cunning stunts, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

This.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

Syncubus?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

defo

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:47, archived)

I don't know.
I'm going to one on Hallowe'en. I might go in fancy dress.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

All weddings are fancy dress.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

I mean hallowe'en costume fancy dress

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

Go as GMoS.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

But then the bride will ditch the groom at the altar
and marry me
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

If I ever get married I think I'll have a fancy dress wedding.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

It should be bride and groom themed.
Imagine the confusion.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

Haha.
I'd make something like Stargate or Star Trek.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

I don't think I'd get away with it.
I could pretend to be some kind of fairy princess I suppose

/girl
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

You should totally have a fancy dress wedding.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

Nah.
I don't really want one.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

:(
I want to dress up.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

Well you can't.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:47, archived)

But I want to:(

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:49, archived)

But I haven't even sent the invitations out yet. HOW DID YOU KNOW?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

This is like the end of "The Sum of All Fears" and I'm that russian lad.
You're Ben Affleck. Baldmonkey can be the US President etc.
GMoS on drums.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

Mykey is Baltimore.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:49, archived)

YOU
Were you able to read my writing? Do you find yourself in possession of a new coaster?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:42, archived)

I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

YOU DIDN'T SAY IF YOU COULD READ MY WRITING
DOUBLE R
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:49, archived)

Donna Air
Top hat and cane
( M o D, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

Whatever became of Donna Air?
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:42, archived)

Wiki says she was in The Mummy Returns.
That's about it.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

4 October 2012?

(Linguistication everything is prosable., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

Syncubus.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

I really should consider
taking it all back.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:50, archived)

Oh.
God.
(Shatner, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

got my first wedding band gig this month. i wonder what i'll wear..
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:47, archived)

I've got some spare red uniforms

(Shatner, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:50, archived)

Haha

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 16:51, archived)