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I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda

/best way song ;)

'ning, hows tricks?
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:04, archived)
All's well!
Counting down the days till I leave (2!), but dreading Saturday's appointment with the mortgage adviser (so many numbers!). Had some good news though - the Moat Housing Group will only be redeeming their precentage of the market value of our home, not the sale price, so thats £10k that they can't touch!

How about you? How's the lovely* mrs mike?
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:07, archived)
leaving b3ta?
why? (been out of the loop for too long, but assumes something to do with moving house?)

The lovely mrs mike is not too bad, was in hospital week before last for 4 days due to loss of appetite and weight caused by her blood/sugar levels or some such thing being out of kilter.
She's ok now, but the Midwife has told her to get signed off work for a couple of weeks to take things easy and see how things progress.
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:11, archived)
Leaving my job (on Friday) and starting a new one (a week on Monday),
so will be giving b3ta a rest whilst I settle in and make them think that I am hard working and efficient! House is sold (subject to contract and all that, but it's all moving along nicely) and offer made on a new one (3-bed, mid terrace, v.nicely kept). mrs munch has decided that if she doesn't like her new job, I should knock her up after the first year (this is increasingly likely, as we're buying the house to settle down in, and she wants kids before she's 30).

Fingers crossed for mrs and mini mike!
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:19, archived)
hard working and efficient? pfft!
I give you a week tops before you come back into the fold.
Kids are the bestest, a mini monster munch would be cool. All the best boarders are in the process of having babies ;)

and cheers, will pass on the regards to my wife "some random bloke on the interweb who calls himself after a maize based snack sends his regards, he's perfectly nice though, honest"
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:22, archived)
*appears*
*runs accross the plains*
*vanishes*
/perfectly normal

Somehow, I doubt I'll be gone for very long, unless my new boss happens to be a font of crap jokes and tries to bum me at every opportunity...
The idea of kids still makes me nervous, but I am getting more and more broody* of late (and taking an interest in other people's sprogs), as is the mrs, so it's probably inevitable (we've worked out names, too!).

*Disclaimer: may mistake broody for horny, and vice versa.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:29, archived)
Tell you what
why I don't I just come round and wake you up at 4 in the morning by screaming. Routinely puke all over you and any possessions you like, crap myself with a look of ineffable satisfaction every few hours and you can give me about £50 a week for the privilege?

I can't see why anyone suddenly thinks "oh. my life's pretty nice and sorted at the mo - let's fuck it up".

/not very keen on kids
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:35, archived)
Other than the £50/week, I assumed that you already did that.
Perhaps, uou should be a sex education module?
Teacher: "Right, kids, we've looked at the various methods of contraception, but it's also important for you to know what could happen if you don't use any. Basically, you'll get one of these."
*enter Fenris*

I'm sure you'd be enough to put anyone off!
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:40, archived)
Thank you so much :P
You could be right though
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)
I see it as being better to have them whislt you're young(ish)
then when they are old enough to look after themselves you still have the rest of your life to enjoy. (say from 40 onwards)
Rather than having a life then stopping in your early 30's till your 50.

actually, this won't apply to you if you say you're just not keen on kids. Must learn to read all of the posts.
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:42, archived)
It would suit me to retire at around the same time that they left home,
so I could probably put it off until I'm in my mid-40s (I might even be able to afford them by then!). Of course, this isn't going to happen.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)
you really want to be 55 when you are kicking around a football with a 10 year old?*
When the bun in the oven turns 10 I will be 35 (touch wood etc.) which I think will be the best age for interaction (the other two will be 14 and 13)


*prepares for hilarious strike through gag
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:54, archived)
Thanks to future advances in medical science,
I will be in peak physical condition by the time I'm 55.

Hmm, perhaps not! Anyway, like I said, it's not going to happen that way - I'll have at least one* within the next 5 years, I should think.

*Dylan, if it's a boy, Millicent for a girl.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 10:00, archived)
Millicent? never heard of that name before. Different, I'll give you that, and definately a grower
Dylan I like.
We have only picked a girls name, Kayleigh. Boys we have no idea, maybe Tennessee.
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 10:06, archived)
Caleb is our reserve choice for a boys name.
Millicent is after Millicent Fawcett, the inventor of the kitchen sink renowned feminist.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 10:11, archived)
Caleb makes me think of the wee boy from American Gothic, too spooky
I quite like Seth as a name, after the character in The Regulators by Richard Bachman, except one of my "real life friends" has a cat with that name
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)
Call your son Junior,
but let him think that his name is Seth. Only tell him the truth when he's a world famous archeologist, who has just thwarted the Nazi's latest plan.

Caleb was the boy from American Gothic!
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)
arf!
I think this thread has gone on long enough (1.5 hours since the start of it, eek!)
off for a fag now, and escape from all the posts about London (not that I'm heartless, just that I would rather hear updates on the radio, not be subjected to a whole board about it, where is the bumming?)
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)
*Footnote goes here
edit: Ning all.
(I helped save b3ta! Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:12, archived)
Oops,
an errant star!
I shall leave it in, to save you from looking foolish.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:13, archived)
I think you should
arrange a b3ta housewarming* party.

*sphincterwarming
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:14, archived)
Aha, there is the missing footnote

and interesting footnote to describe his wife.
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:15, archived)
mmmmmm. sphincterwarming
;)
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:17, archived)
How do chap
I've not seen you since the picnic in Edinburgh. I was worried that we'd* scared you off :P

*I'd
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:22, archived)
of course you didn't*
We're fine (except see above post). Just been bust at work, and finding no time available to be here. Lurked very occaisionally, but my workload has calmed itself, so I'm back :)


*n't
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:26, archived)
Grand :)
Well in the last 10 days I've been best man on a stag night, had an interview, got the job, moved house, rowed with 2 of my old flat mates and finally got settled and unpacked in my new place!

I'm sure I've bored all this lot with my whinging and bragging :)
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:29, archived)
unpacked in 10 days?

You are carrier bag man, AICMFP.
No man can unpack his porn and CD collection and file it neatly in alphabetical order AND find places for socks and pants all within 10 days.
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)
All my unpacking was done
on Sunday, Monday & Tuesday nights. It did take quite a long time to casually yet asthetically arrange all my books though :)
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:36, archived)
Congratumalations on the job, any chance you can find me one?
moving house is a bitch, we have vowed not to do it again for a long long time.
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:36, archived)
I really hate moving
I think if this goes tits up I'll just stay there until they evict me :)
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:39, archived)
All the luxury strap-ons
have built-in heater units for a chilly night's dogging.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:19, archived)
"Oh you look cold love,
let's get something warm inside you" is still one of my favorite but sadly ineffectual chat-up lines.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:23, archived)
Better than
"Wanna go halves on a bastard?"
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:27, archived)
Arf :)

"Can I smell your pussy?"
"No!"
"Oh sorry, it must be your breath then"


I don't pull very often...
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:31, archived)
Schmooooooooth!

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)
Okay.
I'll arrange it at my old house, as a surprise for the new owners.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:20, archived)
I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where we drank champagne and it tasted like Coca Cola
C-o-l-a, cola

She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said lola
L-o-l-a lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

That should be the b3ta official bumming song.

Edit/ To my everlasting embarassment I sung along to that for years and years before it suddenly dawned on me it was about ladyboys.
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:11, archived)
to join you in embarassment.....
it was only this year I think that I actually listened closely to the words and realised the true meaning of the song.
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:16, archived)
It's the line
"I know what I am, I'm a man I'm a man and so's Lola" that gave it away, then?
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:20, archived)
that's the cookie
but you know how it is, a song's playing in the background and you don't really pay attention to what they are singing.
I did not have a copy of it to call my own till this year, so only ever heard it as background (i.e. on the radio)
(I helped save b3ta! just mike, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:25, archived)
nah. The Doug Anthony All Stars do a much better one
song called Sailors Arms, lyrics here

www.geocities.com/tangawarra/daasong4.html
(I helped save b3ta! Jadeviper was still alive on, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:18, archived)
That must be to a different tune though

the lyrics are good (from a hetro point of view) (honest)
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:24, archived)
yes, it's their own song
with their own tune. DAAS are rather good
(I helped save b3ta! Jadeviper was still alive on, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 9:27, archived)